50 funny security quotes - Wordgag

I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here.

May 23, 2026

Humans were not meant to have this many passwords.

May 23, 2026

Don’t listen to them, little password. You are strong.

May 23, 2026

My bank assures me my money is safe with them, yet they keep their pens chained to desks and most of them are missing.

May 23, 2026

Get a Ring camera so you can yell at your kids when they’re out front and freak them out.

May 23, 2026

Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

May 23, 2026

Once again, I have fallen for life’s biggest scam: being two hours early for a flight only for security to take roughly seven minutes.

May 23, 2026

“Your password is too weak!” Just wait until you see my impulse control.

May 23, 2026

For security reasons, I highly recommend that you leave one of your children home during the holidays to set elaborate booby traps in case of intruders.

May 23, 2026

Thank you two-step authentication codes that expire after 60 seconds for providing Mission Impossible-type drama into my mundane suburban existence.

May 22, 2026

You ever notice how when you get home from food shopping, the kids turn into airport security?

May 22, 2026

All my passwords are protected, by my poor memory.

May 22, 2026

As president, I will allow people to use the same password as before when changing their password.

May 22, 2026

Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.

May 21, 2026

My home security system is just a copy of my paycheck taped to my front door.

May 21, 2026

AI is trained on what we write, so if we want to save our jobs we should all write really badly for a while. I’ve been doing my bit for years.

May 21, 2026

Anything is free if you can outrun security. The more you know.

May 21, 2026

My retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding a buried treasure at some point.

May 20, 2026

My security system is just a bunch of my unpaid bills taped to my front door.

May 20, 2026

Don’t worry password, I’m insecure too.

May 20, 2026

Pro tip: When you sign up for anything online, put the website’s name as your middle name. Now, when you receive spam, you will know who sold your data.

May 20, 2026

There are some websites where my password management strategy is to just hit “Forgot my password” every time I need to log in.

May 20, 2026

I came up with my passwords when I was 12, and never looked back.

May 19, 2026

Was already at my breaking point, and then had to use the authenticator app.

May 19, 2026

“Your password is too weak.” OK, well, I created him in my image.

May 19, 2026

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I never wanted to download the Microsoft Authenticator app on my personal phone to access every professional platform necessary to do my job.

May 19, 2026

Ever since I was young, I wanted to check my email for a verification code.

May 19, 2026

A poorly timed two-factor authentication request will be the thing that finally kills me.

May 19, 2026

The actors who signed on to that first Avatar movie have job security like no other in Hollywood.

May 19, 2026

I saved a ton of money on a security system by stealing my neighbor’s.

May 18, 2026

The more secure you want my computer password to be, the more guaranteed I am to just write it on a very not secure post-it note.

Apr 1, 2026

Microsoft: Before you sign in, we need to send you a code. Also, Microsoft: OMG, was that you that requested a code? Also, Microsoft: OMG, someone just signed in to your account.

Apr 1, 2026

Find someone who cares about you as much as Gmail cares about new devices signing into your account.

Apr 1, 2026

Those security guards at the Samsung store are Guardians of the Galaxy.

Mar 31, 2026

Warning: not watching the news may lead to a heightened sense of joy, security, and optimism.

Mar 31, 2026

I don’t like people who take drugs, for example: airport security.

Mar 31, 2026

My door camera alerts are all just me stepping outside to see how warm it is.

Mar 30, 2026

My anti-theft device in my car is that it’s manual.

Mar 30, 2026

Remember when the FBI would threaten you at the beginning of every VHS tape? That was pretty cool.

Mar 29, 2026

“New password cannot be your old password” makes me so mad.

Mar 29, 2026