50 funny security quotes - Wordgag ツ

The more secure you want my computer password to be, the more guaranteed I am to just write it on a very not secure post-it note.

Feb 3, 2026

Microsoft: Before you sign in, we need to send you a code. Also, Microsoft: OMG, was that you that requested a code? Also, Microsoft: OMG, someone just signed in to your account.

Feb 3, 2026

Find someone who cares about you as much as Gmail cares about new devices signing into your account.

Feb 3, 2026

Those security guards at the Samsung store are Guardians of the Galaxy.

Feb 2, 2026

Warning: not watching the news may lead to a heightened sense of joy, security, and optimism.

Feb 2, 2026

I don’t like people who take drugs, for example: airport security.

Feb 2, 2026

My door camera alerts are all just me stepping outside to see how warm it is.

Feb 1, 2026

My anti-theft device in my car is that it’s manual.

Feb 1, 2026

Remember when the FBI would threaten you at the beginning of every VHS tape? That was pretty cool.

Jan 31, 2026

“New password cannot be your old password” makes me so mad.

Jan 31, 2026

Changing my passwords regularly has certainly helped protect my accounts. Against me.

Jan 31, 2026

Your password must contain a character… with a tragic backstory.

Jan 31, 2026

Passwords are like underwear: You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them, you should change them regularly, and you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

Jan 30, 2026

Thank you for your password, now we are going to text you another password, then put that one in. Click ‘remember this computer’ so we can forget it.

Jan 30, 2026

When one door closes, lock it securely, along with all your other doors and windows, before any inspirational quotes get in.

Jan 30, 2026

All my passwords are protected by short term memory loss.

Jan 29, 2026

Me, one week before the new year: Not to brag, but I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of the year.

Jan 29, 2026

It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

Jan 29, 2026

A hacker called me and said he had all my passwords. I got a pen and paper and said ‘Thank God for that, what are they?’

Jan 29, 2026

All of my passwords are protected by short-term memory loss.

Jan 29, 2026

I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here.

Jan 28, 2026

Humans were not meant to have this many passwords.

Jan 28, 2026

Don’t listen to them, little password. You are strong.

Jan 28, 2026

My bank assures me my money is safe with them, yet they keep their pens chained to desks and most of them are missing.

Jan 23, 2026

Get a Ring camera so you can yell at your kids when they’re out front and freak them out.

Jan 23, 2026

Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

Jan 23, 2026

Once again, I have fallen for life’s biggest scam: being two hours early for a flight only for security to take roughly seven minutes.

Jan 23, 2026

“Your password is too weak!” Just wait until you see my impulse control.

Jan 23, 2026

For security reasons, I highly recommend that you leave one of your children home during the holidays to set elaborate booby traps in case of intruders.

Jan 22, 2026

Thank you two-step authentication codes that expire after 60 seconds for providing Mission Impossible-type drama into my mundane suburban existence.

Jan 22, 2026

You ever notice how when you get home from food shopping, the kids turn into airport security?

Jan 22, 2026

All my passwords are protected, by my poor memory.

Jan 22, 2026

As president, I will allow people to use the same password as before when changing their password.

Jan 22, 2026

Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.

Jan 21, 2026

My home security system is just a copy of my paycheck taped to my front door.

Jan 21, 2026

AI is trained on what we write, so if we want to save our jobs we should all write really badly for a while. I’ve been doing my bit for years.

Jan 21, 2026

Anything is free if you can outrun security. The more you know.

Jan 20, 2026

My retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding a buried treasure at some point.

Jan 20, 2026

My security system is just a bunch of my unpaid bills taped to my front door.

Jan 20, 2026

Don’t worry password, I’m insecure too.

Jan 20, 2026