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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

I don’t really care how you met your partner. Tell me about how you met your nemesis.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Please no more relationships that are supposed to be a lesson. I’m already quite the scholar.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m sorry I didn’t text you back. I’m really busy watching the The Lord of The Rings in the form of mini clips on TikTok.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

My IQ used to be higher than my weight, but now I’m fat and dumb.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

There is too much money in the world for me to be broke.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

If you pass out in front of your kids they will either try to call an ambulance or use you as a trampoline. You just don’t know.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

The only thing I worry about when I’m in the restroom is if people are washing their hands or not.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Guys have good pics on their dating profiles because their ex took them.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

Why do coffee beans smell so good, and coffee breath is like bleh?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

767 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,929

Funny Quotes Topics

13,901

Funny Quotes Images

10,929

32 minutes ago

3,425

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

How do you know I’m not just a figment of your imagination?

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

Spotted on Snapchat:

The sexual tension between me and a late afternoon coffee to get me through the workday.

Breaking via Instagram:

Can someone call my keys? I forgot where I put them.

Broadcasted on Threads:

My love language is caffeine and being left alone until I’m kind again.

Live now on Telegram:

I’m just saying, no dog has ever ghosted me.

Just shared via Slack:

Why is Saturday over in 7 minutes and Sunday in 4 minutes, but Monday is 84 months long?

Freshly posted on Reddit:

You can add “cha cha cha” to any sentence you want without explaining yourself. Nobody really appreciates this.

Making waves on Pinterest:

You want fast replies from a female? Argue with her!

Just landed via Instagram:

There used to be many different names for the childhood game of knocking on doors and running away. But these days, it’s simply referred to as ‘being an Amazon driver’.

Home » Funny Self-deception Quotes

Funny self-deception quotes

New funny self-deception quotes 👇

6 days ago
Share →: I’m going to become more attractive or more delusional; I haven’t decided yet.

Commentary:
Looks like my mirror is getting ready for the show of a lifetime! 😂😂🌟
2 weeks ago
Share →: Adulthood means trying to convince yourself that the font is just too small and that it isn’t your eyesight going bad.

Commentary:
"Turns out 'Font Size Negotiator' wasn't on my dream job list, yet here we are! 👓📜😅"
5 months ago
Share →: “It can’t get any worse than this”, I lie to myself knowing it will absolutely get worse.

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal optimism of telling ourselves it can’t get worse… only to be spectacularly proven wrong! 🙈 Hang in there, you're in for a wild ride of going from bad to worse! 🎢😂"
5 months ago
Share →: Gaslighting myself into thinking I’m in a good mood.

Commentary:
Ah, the art of self-deception meets the science of emotional manipulation 🎭😅. Just a casual internal game of "Guess Who's the Happy One Today?" starring none other than yourself, the ultimate master of disguise 👀🤹‍♂️. Remember, if at first you don't succeed, gaslight, gaslight again! 😜🔦 #WhosInChargeHere
5 months ago
Share →: I was told to be more optimistic so I’ve decided french fries aren’t bad for me.

Commentary:
"Ah, the power of optimism and selective perception! 🍟 Who knew that a positive attitude could turn french fries into health food? 😂 Just imagine the possibilities if we applied this logic to other foods…"
6 months ago
Share →: Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute.

Commentary:
"Just one more cookie turns into a cookie party, just one more movie becomes a binge-watching marathon, and just one more minute magically multiplies into an hour! 🍪🎬⏱️ Don't we all have a PhD in self-deception sometimes?"

For even more funny self-deception quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny self-deception quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

767 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,929

Funny Quotes Topics

13,901

Funny Quotes Images

10,929

32 minutes ago

3,417

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Inventing the Grinch: “Santa needs a Wario!”

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Hobbies include fake smiling while waiting for people to stop talking.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

God created childbirth so women could know how men feel when we have a cold.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I listen to rock music, my neighbors do too.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!” Oh, it’s ok, you can just kill me next time.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

The best thing about work is the coffee machine and the drive home.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

I kind of miss when people stood 6 feet away.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

I made a clone of myself to do the dishes, another to do the laundry, and another to do the cooking, but we’re all sitting on the couch watching TV.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

If you ever think English is not a weird language just remember that read and lead rhyme and read and lead rhyme. But read and lead don’t rhyme, and neither do read and lead.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Facebook:

I’ve added lunges to my workout routine. It’s a big step forward.

Going viral on YouTube:

Mario Kart gave me unrealistic expectations of how banana peels affect traffic.

Live now on Snapchat:

The week before your period doesn’t make any sense… until you realize it’s the week before your period.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

Just landed via Facebook:

I feel for my kids, who had to take in the groceries and put them away today. They may never recover from this traumatic experience.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Them: Good morning! Me: Where?

Going viral on YouTube:

Sure, my internet service is overpriced and spotty but you can’t put a price on unintentionally being dropped from every Zoom meeting.

Going viral on X:

Social media needs to crash for like a year so everybody can snap back into reality.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Okay, seen enough, someone put a blanket over my cage.

Seen just now on Reddit:

It is kind of inspiring that I messed up my life without drugs, gambling or a troubled youth. People really can do anything.

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