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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

I highly recommend getting yourself a “How can I help” partner and not a “You will be fine” partner.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Maybe if we sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

I need a weighted blanket that won’t let me get out of bed in the morning.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

He’s a 10 but so is his volume.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there’s a small hole in the bag somewhere.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

The golden rule of three beverages: one to hydrate, one to caffeinate, and one to celebrate.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Sorry I’m late, my song came on at the grocery store.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Dear recipe websites. I don’t need your life story. Just give me the recipe.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Nicole Kidman being in a film called Babygirl is actually perfect cause it’s like another version of her last name.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don’t know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,723

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

Sorry I’m late, I got here as soon as I wanted to.

Just shared via Pinterest:

“I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Wanna know what the 90’s were like? Put your phone down and go outside.

Live now on LinkedIn:

How late is too late to still be lying in bed, naked, drinking coffee?

Seen just now on Slack:

Have you ever been so stressed that you’re calm?

Freshly posted on Discord:

Life is so funny because you think you look good today and a year later you look even better.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t make worse.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

“You have reached your monthly article limit,” – a website you’ve never accessed before today.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Hate when I view someone’s story, and it’s their birthday.

Making waves on YouTube:

Don’t get horny around me; I’m an empath.

Funny takeover quotes

Funny takeover quotes 😂 are the perfect way to spice up any leadership change or office prank! Whether you’re celebrating a new boss, a playful handover, or just loving the chaos of change, these witty lines add a splash of humor and keep spirits high 🎉💼. Get ready to laugh out loud and share the fun vibes with your team or followers! 😎🔥

New funny takeover quotes 👇

All funny takeover quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on X this month:

Why does the dentist have to take an x-ray of my teeth? They right there, bro!

65 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m so lazy that I get jealous when it’s bedtime in other countries.

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I tiptoe near my medicine cabinet because I don’t want to wake my sleeping pills.

39 shares on Pinterest this month:

I just be giggling, then start thinking about bills and remember ain’t nothing funny.

92 shares on Threads this month:

You want me to do Pilates? The thing that killed Jesus?

20 shares on YouTube this month:

Life begins when you can afford it.

36 shares on Telegram this month:

The evening news: Where they begin with “Good evening” and then proceed to tell you why it’s not.

45 shares on TikTok this month:

Google Maps should start screaming the more wrong turns you make.

57 shares on Slack this month:

Using Twitter as a semi-vague posting journal for memory purposes.

74 shares on Threads this month:

My back and I are definitely not the same age.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

People always love to claim that a celebrity’s death is “unexpected”, but they never actually release the data on which celebrities they expected to die that day.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

A really good magician could be living in your house and you would never know.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Elliott didn’t care about E.T. He just wanted a flying bike.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

That awesome moment when you open the fridge and the first thing you see is the thing you wanted to eat.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

“It’s been a long week!” Me, on a Tuesday.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes my body needs to be punished by Taco Bell.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

That’s kind of sexy of you to be a little weird.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Wild that we could have been foraging for berries and dying off at 33, but we chose this nonsense instead.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I like when the superheroes that can fly pick up and carry the ones that can’t.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

To all the people who ask singles why they are actually single: Please don’t. We have sworn an oath and are not allowed to tell you the secret of our success.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,591

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

If you’re not dropping it like it’s hot, then what the hell are you doing?

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

If my family starts talking politics at Thanksgiving, I’m changing the subject by announcing I’m pregnant.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

“I thought it might be nice to go around the room and have everyone introduce themselves, including a fun fact.” You thought wrong.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

I feel like my greatest accomplishment today has been not saying what I’m thinking out loud.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Difference between a flirt and harassment: if you are handsome, it’s a flirt, if you are ugly, it’s harassment.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Needs to be a Google Maps setting where you can ask them not to make you take a left across four lanes of oncoming traffic.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

The older I get, the more I understand why witches lived alone in the woods.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

You want to go out in the sun and then you can’t get the couch through the door.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

I hope you catch the bouquet at my funeral.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Before Google, if you didn’t know something you had to go ask someone and most of the time they couldn’t help you, and now that’s also how Google works.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Dogs can’t talk and everyone loves them. Coincidence? I think not.

Seen just now on X:

Dating after 40 is like trying to find the least damaged item at the thrift store that doesn’t smell.

Just landed via Messenger:

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

Going bananas on YouTube:

How many jokes about lightbulbs does it take to change us?

Seen just now on TikTok:

Good morning, may your coffee be strong and your boss not weird today.

Seen just now on Messenger:

And to my children, I leave 127 open tabs on Safari.

Trending via X:

You’ve got to question the legitimacy of the Burger Kingdom if Burger King is just handing out crowns to anybody willy-nilly.

Going viral on Slack:

“Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” is now 40 years old. If you have an earworm now, you also have back pain.

Going bananas on Messenger:

I know you miss me. The tarot lady on TikTok just told me.

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