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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

I either text back right away or never, because I saw your text, replied in my head but forgot to actually type it.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

The only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Japan’s greatest tragedy is having the world’s best toilets and no Mexican food. What’s the point of owning a Ferrari if you never take it to the track?

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

I could own a thousand summer dresses, and it still wouldn’t be enough.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Is Mercury in reggaeton?

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Who’s your favorite horror director? Mine’s God.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

I really don’t care what happens to me romantically anymore.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Big fan of taking a huge bite and then nodding while I chew. You make an excellent point, food.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

US etiquette question: Do you need to tip the guy at the border who reads your last five years of social media history?

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Adults chasing the popularity they missed out on as teenagers are the worst.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

3,675

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

None of the Instagram story fonts represent me.

Just landed via Slack:

Halloween is the only day you can ghost someone and blame it on being festive.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

That feeling when you take the first bite of your favourite food, that’s called chewphoria.

Going bananas on TikTok:

The sweet spot is just enough pain to know you’re alive, but not quite enough to wish you were dead.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Don’t be afraid to ask questions during a job interview. It’s the best way to find out if the person you’re interviewing is a good candidate for the job.

Going viral on Telegram:

I told my daughter to check her attitude, and she responded, “For complaints about attitude, please contact the manufacturer.”

Spotted on Discord:

Been there, done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.

Making waves on Twitch:

Them: “Ugh, could you be more annoying?” Me: “Oh God, yes!”

Just landed via Discord:

I always do my best sleeping in the 10 minutes before my alarm goes off.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I hope I find $10,000 on the floor later.

Home » Funny Weekend Quotes

125 Funny weekend quotes

Funny weekend quotes capture the joy and humor of our favorite two days of the week! 🗓️😂 From playful takes on relaxation and adventures to witty observations about the weekend’s quirks, these quotes celebrate the lighter side of our time off. Enjoy a laugh and make the most of your weekend! 😄🎉

New funny weekend quotes 👇

Everyone loves a little silent treatment on the weekend.

0

2 weeks ago

communication, everyone, humor, little, relationship, sarcasm, silent, silent treatment, treatment, weekend
If anyone wants to sponsor me, I’ll be running a 0.002K this weekend to raise awareness for laziness.

0

2 weeks ago

0.002K, anyone, awareness, exercise, fundraiser, humor, joke, laziness, me, motivation, raise, running, sponsor, wants, weekend
“This is a great weekend to clean out the garage,” according to my wife and other people who won’t be cleaning the garage.

0

4 weeks ago

chore, clean, cleaning, garage, great, humor, people, procrastination, weekend, wife
Every Friday, I’m like, “This weekend I’m getting my life together,” and then… I don’t.

0

4 weeks ago

disappointment, every, Friday, getting, humor, i, life, motivation, plans, procrastination, self-improvement, together, weekend
The week be like Mooonnnday, Tueeesday, Weeeeednesday, Thuuuuursday, FriSatSun

0

1 month ago

day, day name, exaggeration, Friday, funny week, humor, Monday, name, Saturday, Sunday, Thursday, Tuesday, Wednesday, week, weekday, weekend
Paid my rent and slept in every room of my house this week, kitchen and laundry room next.

0

1 month ago

every, home, house, humor, kitchen, laundry, laundry room, laziness, next, paid, plan, procrastination, rent, room, sleep, week, weekend, weekend plan
Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24 hours, I need more time to be ready for Monday.

0

1 month ago

48, hour, hours, humor, i, Monday, need, procrastination, ready, should, Sunday, time, weekend
Not to upset anyone, but Monday is waiting outside.

0

1 month ago

anyone, humor, Monday, outside, procrastination, reminder, upset, waiting, weekend, workweek
Saturday Night Fever, but it’s just me yelling, “Five, six, seven, eight!” while my cat lies down and refuses to participate.

0

1 month ago

cat, dance, eight, fever, five, fun, humor, just, me, night, pet, pet refusal, quarantine, quarantine fun, refusal, refuses, Saturday, Saturday Night Fever, six, solo, weekend, while, yelling
No, I am not refreshed from my long weekend. I was reminded that I am not meant to work, but I am trapped in The Machine.

0

2 months ago

am, feeling, frustration, humor, i, long weekend, machine, meant, refreshed, trapped, weekend, work

For even more funny weekend quotes, hit next 👇

All funny weekend quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’ll be like “it is what it is” and almost vomit from anxiety.

61 shares on Reddit this month:

At the grocery store, progressively booing louder as the clerk scans each item.

62 shares on Threads this month:

I’m not saying it’s been a while, I’m just saying I completely blanked on the name of my gym.

20 shares on WeChat this month:

“You’re so understanding,” yeah, because I don’t want to go to prison for the rest of my life.

21 shares on TikTok this month:

The only thing I know about AI is, it desperately wants us to have more fingers.

51 shares on Facebook this month:

Let’s see how long my Monday slump lasts this time. Last week it was until Friday.

27 shares on Facebook this month:

Why does everyone always think that I know what I’m doing? Most of the time I watch myself in amazement and am curious to see what happens.

73 shares on Telegram this month:

Life is weird and then you die.

84 shares on YouTube this month:

A middle finger hits different when your nails are done.

41 shares on Snapchat this month:

Don’t fall for me — I’ll treat you right, and you’ll get bored and cheat.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The problem with relationships these days is you don’t know if you’re the one being cheated on, or cheated with.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Big fan of taking a huge bite and then nodding while I chew. You make an excellent point, food.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is everyone so chill about parrots being able to talk? That’s a whole animal. Talking.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t be part of the problem. Be all of it.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Unlike men, women would immediately admit their mistakes if they had any.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The only thing I don’t miss about the 90s is people smelling like cigarettes.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Good morning, dickhead, your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Gwyneth Paltrow, I received the message you sent me last night in my dream and will proceed with the plan.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Bitcoin is just Kohl’s Cash for boys.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,953

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Nothing says sexy like a pair of sensible, silky polka dot PJs.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Next time you think I am flirting with you, ask yourself if kindness is so rare in your life that you mistake it for desire.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

If you listen closely, you can hear me not caring.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Alcohol is a vicious cycle: regret, recovery, repeat.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

I swear some songs have background noises of your mum shouting your name from downstairs.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

People tell me to just be myself like that would be a good thing.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

It may sound crazy but some of us are nice without hidden agendas.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

I’ve started taking a brisk walk straight after dinner and it’s saving me an absolute fortune on restaurant bills.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

I came home to find my boyfriend mopping the floor and my first thought was, “who’d he kill?”

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

I can clean the whole house if I want to, but if someone asks me to do it, suddenly I’m lazy.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Reddit:

Blackout curtains are dangerous, because it’s 1 p.m. outside and 1 a.m. in here.

Just landed via Telegram:

Everyone gives pleasure in some way, one when they enter a room, the other when they leave it.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Having a dirty mind and an innocent face is truly a blessing.

Just shared via Telegram:

“Do you like the Microsoft Teams app?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Seen just now on TikTok:

My teenager has really expensive taste for someone who can’t afford to buy their own toothpaste.

Just landed via Instagram:

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning, so I guess once again my personality will be doing all the work today.

Trending via LinkedIn:

I’m not crazy, I’m just mentally spicy.

Trending via Facebook:

No one declines an incoming call faster than a 3-year-old watching YouTube.

Making waves on Snapchat:

The first thing you need to know about social media is that everyone’s on vacation, except for you.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

It sucks that crazy people ruined wearing tinfoil hats for those of us that just did it for fashion purposes.

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Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴