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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

No matter how early you get up, fate always gets up half an hour earlier.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Stop worrying about being weird and start being weirder.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

The collective noun for a group of reply guys is an audacity.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

We all have that one coworker whose sole purpose is to reduce our life expectancy by ten years.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

I’m not afraid of ghosts because everyone who’s mad at me is still alive.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Your password must contain a character… with a tragic backstory.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Becoming a psychic for the foreseeable future.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Men be like, “I want you.” Yeah, to suffer.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

817 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,979

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,979

2 minutes ago

3,434

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Discord:

I bought a book on Feng Shui, but I don’t know where to put it.

Trending via Instagram:

I’m so old I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign, and we played tic-tac-toe on top of it.

Freshly posted on Slack:

One time, when I was a kid, I fell off my bike and hit my head so hard, I was briefly able to communicate with bees.

Going viral on Slack:

Geometry is a scam. What do you mean “prove it’s a triangle”? Just look at it.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I don’t understand, but I also don’t care… so it works out.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I have my own hand stamper at home so my coworkers will think I went someplace fun the night before.

Just shared via Pinterest:

At the gym, everyone thinks exclusively about how little weight I can lift and how quickly I’m out of breath, because the world revolves around me.

Trending via Facebook:

Socialism is like polio, it comes back when people forget about the horrible damage it did last time.

Spotted on Twitch:

On the one hand, I’d love to look sexy in a bikini. On the other hand, there’s cake.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Every Reddit relationship post is like “My husband dropped a big piano on my head and when I emerged from the rubble my teeth had been replaced by the keys. Am I in the wrong?”

Home » Funny Weekend Quotes

83 Funny weekend quotes

Funny weekend quotes capture the joy and humor of our favorite two days of the week! 🗓️😂 From playful takes on relaxation and adventures to witty observations about the weekend’s quirks, these quotes celebrate the lighter side of our time off. Enjoy a laugh and make the most of your weekend! 😄🎉

New funny weekend quotes 👇

2 days ago
Share →: Sunday without HBO feels like a meal without carbs — empty and deeply wrong.

Commentary:
Feeling like I just ate a salad when I signed up for pizza night. 🍕🥗❌📺
3 days ago
Share →: There should be a three-day weekend: one day to do nothing, one day to do something, and one day to do laundry.

Commentary:
Who knew laundry was a full-time job? I demand a raise! 🧺🤣🌞
5 days ago
Share →: When you’re young, weekends are for fun. When you’re older, they’re for recovery.

Commentary:
Sounds about right! These days, my idea of a wild weekend is taking a nap and not pulling a muscle 😂🛌💪
6 days ago
Share →: Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Monday’s coming.

Commentary:
Time to trade in my work shoes for orthopedic ones, but watch out—Monday still sneaks up like a ninja! 😂👟➡️🩼
1 week ago
Share →: That feeling when it’s Friday, you blink once, and somehow it’s Monday again.

Commentary:
The only superpower I have is the ability to time travel from Friday straight to Monday. 🦸‍♂️😅🌪️
1 week ago
Share →: Welcome to adulthood. The weekend is your only time to catch up on everything, but also your only time to do absolutely nothing.

Commentary:
Adulting is a thrilling balance between achieving next to nothing and accomplishing absolutely everything in two days! 😅🛋️☕
1 week ago
Share →: Yabba dabba doo used to be a rad way to start a Saturday.

Commentary:
Ah, the good ol' days when my biggest worry was bedrock traffic 🚗🦖 Yabba dabba woohoo! 🎉
1 week ago
Share →: I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

Commentary:
"Agreed! Let’s just skip straight to Friday! 😴➡️🍹 #WeekendGoals"
1 week ago
Share →: I don’t want to sound controversial, but having Monday off is great. We should do this every week.

Commentary:
"Revolutionary idea: a 3-day weekend! 🚀🙌 Why not take Monday off every week, right? 🤓😂"
2 weeks ago
Share →: One of the hardest things to do as an adult is to go back to work after a long weekend.

Commentary:
"After a long weekend, my brain's still on vacation mode while my body grudgingly clocks in! 💤🔔 #OutOfOfficeMindset"

For even more funny weekend quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny weekend quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

817 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,979

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,979

2 minutes ago

3,431

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

We go together like Drunk and Disorderly.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

What, and I cannot stress this enough, day is it.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

When someone is in a Christmas eve panic, I always find that “well, maybe you should have thought of that sooner” is a helpful phrase.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

My security system is just a bunch of my unpaid bills taped to my front door.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

At the end of the day, it’s the friend that doesn’t take your ghosting phases personally.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Now I know why my dad used to wake up at 4AM and just sit at the kitchen table for an hour.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m too tired to shower. Anyone want to wash my back?

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

They say dress for the job you want, but this baby diaper isn’t very comfortable.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Discord:

A blind guy felt my face and said, “Wonderful.”

Just shared via Threads:

It’s crazy that you don’t really argue with a baby for the first year of its life and then you have to argue with the baby every day.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

People singing Happy Birthday to you feels like a real-life unskippable ad.

Going viral on Twitch:

Why can’t the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Old people get so mad when you’re young and tired.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Ever since I was young, I knew I wanted to be online nonstop.

Making waves on WeChat:

I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.

Trending via Facebook:

We should thank heaven for nipples. Without them boobs would be pointless.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Drivers seem to underestimate how willing I am to get knocked down at a zebra crossing to prove a point.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Intermittent fasting is how I drive, not how I eat.

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