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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

My dog is quite vain. Whenever the doorbell rings, he thinks it’s for him.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Female dragonflies will fake their own deaths to avoid mating with unwanted males. They are like, “Ugh, here comes Carl again. Play dead, girl!“

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

I don’t know the difference between “gray” & “grey” and I’m too scared to even ask.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

The worst part of all-you-can-eat buffets are all the witnesses.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

I love wearing sunglasses. Am I looking at your face? Am I looking at your ass? No one knows.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

My phone and it’s charger are in a situationship and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

When you’re using Grok, the A in Al just stands for Adolf.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Have you tried making guacamole about it?

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

I don’t need a midlife crisis. My whole life is a crisis.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

I set up a Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,548

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Slack:

I need to be more disciplined and stop procrastinating, starting tomorrow.

Seen just now on Slack:

As a girl, I should be allowed to speak to the moon directly.

Just landed via Instagram:

That’s not my girl bestie, that’s my platonic wife.

Freshly posted on X:

November should have one more day. Just because to me November 31st sounds real. And also I don’t want to pay rent tomorrow.

Spotted on Threads:

Helvetica is my favorite font that sounds like a heavy metal band.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

People are always saying “not today, Satan” but what if we just hear him out.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Maybe I’ll quit so I can focus on summer.

Broadcasted on X:

If I was the inventor of healing, I would have made it linear, I can tell you that much.

Making waves on Facebook:

I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Not to brag, but I can shake your hand and forget your name simultaneously.

63 Funny worry quotes

More funny worry quotes 👇

Don’t worry, baby, the back pain is because your wings are growing.

3 months ago

baby, back, back pain, growing, growth, humor, pain, reassurance, wing, wings, worry
To all the people with grammatical issues, don’t worry, I also have problems with badly timed periods.

3 months ago

grammar, humor, i, issue, issues, people, period, problem, problems, timing, worry
Don’t worry password, I’m insecure too.

3 months ago

computer, humor, insecure, insecurity, joke, password, pun, security, technology, too, worry

For even more funny worry quotes, hit next 👇

All funny worry quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on Telegram this month:

I like you because we hate the same people.

49 shares on Reddit this month:

Have an early flight tomorrow, so naturally I’m going to stay up late tonight and be weird in my room.

91 shares on Reddit this month:

To be fair, a dumpster is like one of the safest places to have a fire.

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Putting my Christmas tree up today. Big day for my cats.

43 shares on Pinterest this month:

Now that Christmas and New Year are out of the way, we can focus on the things that really matter: My posts.

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I appreciate the people that interact with me and I really appreciate the ones that don’t.

30 shares on Discord this month:

If I’m gonna jingle your bells, I’m definitely gonna jingle them all the way.

98 shares on TikTok this month:

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

92 shares on Reddit this month:

Using ChatGPT requires you to actually be smart; otherwise, it just regurgitates your dumb takes back to you.

14 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t know why we traded horses for cars. Your car won’t stop in front of a river and be like, “no way dumbass, we aren’t going to make that.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Sorry, I can’t today, I have to rot in bed and squander my potential.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

The first person to throw out bath water: Uh oh.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Eatіng іn bed іs much better. Everythіng’s a napkіn.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

I just want peace, not a notification every time someone breathes.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Imagine trying to ruin my day and I ignore you for the rest of my life.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

The minute I start feeling like a mother to a man, the relationship is over.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

The elder Zoomer speaks of the Wii with reverence.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Tested positive for needing a kiss.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

I wonder if my guardian angel and my future husband’s guardian angel are in a group chat trying to coordinate.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Nobody shoots annoying people into the sun anymore and that’s why there are so many of them left on earth.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

How can you not appreciate a drunk text? Someone is absolutely off their face and still thinking of you.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

For Thanksgiving don’t ask me about my life, just pass me the bottle.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I received my electricity bill. I think they billed me for sunlight, divine light, and the light at the end of the tunnel.

Going viral on Discord:

True luxury is sleeping until you wake up by yourself.

Breaking via Slack:

My step counter doesn’t judge. For him, steps to the fridge are just as valuable as a walk.

Making waves on Snapchat:

“Unc” is short for “unclear.” It’s unclear what it means. “Uncle” is short for “unclear” as well.

Just landed via Messenger:

It’s okay if you don’t like me, not everyone has good taste.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I’m the guy at Apple who makes sure all your featured photos are your exes and your dog that died.

Going viral on YouTube:

Late replies don’t bother me. As long as we’re not in love, or you don’t owe me money, take your time.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

63 Funny worry quotes

More funny worry quotes 👇

Don’t worry, baby, the back pain is because your wings are growing.

To all the people with grammatical issues, don’t worry, I also have problems with badly timed periods.

Don’t worry password, I’m insecure too.

All funny worry quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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