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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

This is not what adulthood looked like in the brochure.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Toddlers are like puppies, they don’t care if they’re dirty and smelly and they both have an affinity exploring the trash bin.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

King Kong should’ve been able to find a better place to hide than the top of the tallest building in the middle of New York City.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Yesterday, thieves broke into my home. They searched everywhere and found nothing. They beat me up, telling me to work harder.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Unpopular opinion: I do enjoy third-wheeling if the couple is fun.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Due to inflation, a picture is now worth 2300 words.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

My last straw is way longer than I thought.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Sometimes you have to sit back and imagine what life could be if it wasn’t a horrifying nightmare.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,771

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Telegram:

My southern family thinks my daily routine in NYC is that I wake up, try really hard not to get stabbed by a knife, and then I go see a musical.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I’m full of rage, but in a very chill and nonchalant way.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Doctors don’t really need to hit you with that rubber hammer, it’s just how they release a lil tension through the day.

Shared recently on Threads:

If I win the lottery, I’m buying four politicians and some really nice shoes.

Seen just now on Instagram:

It-is-what-it-is-ing my way through the collapse of civilization.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Caveman: I just invented the wheel. Journalist: Here’s why the wheel is bad for humanity.

Seen just now on Twitch:

My friends put their kid to bed and then made us ice cream sundaes, which is exactly what I assumed was happening when my parents put me to bed.

Shared recently on Reddit:

My wife trusts me with a joint bank account but when I’m loading the dishwasher she always walks in the kitchen “to get something.”

Making waves on Snapchat:

Awkwardly stares into the abyss in between meetings.

Just landed via Slack:

Hobbies include being misunderstood.

HR: “Please complete our anonymous survey.” My boss then later: “Don’t forget the survey, HR said you are the last one from our team.”

1 month ago

Witty text highlighting office humor about survey reminders and team dynamics.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🤦‍♂️ "Ah, the classic 'anonymous' survey – HR's way of finding out who has the best handwriting in the office! And of course, nothing says 'anonymous' quite like your boss singling you out as the last one to complete it. Smooth move, HR, real smooth. 📝😂"

boss, complete, forget, hr, last, later, survey, team

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on Threads this month:

If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

Running feels great until you compare it to not running.

84 shares on WeChat this month:

I really want to be nice, but annoying people just won’t let me.

29 shares on Reddit this month:

Life is way too short to pretend you’re not into some freaky stuff.

86 shares on YouTube this month:

Looks fade but dark, twisted, inappropriate humor is forever.

36 shares on Slack this month:

It’s perfectly normal if you want to watch an actor’s entire filmography because you find them attractive. Don’t let anyone stop you.

52 shares on X this month:

Had calamari for the first time ever, and it wasn’t that bad. Maybe I’ll try marriage next.

96 shares on Snapchat this month:

For Halloween, I will be okay.

89 shares on Snapchat this month:

Just took a nap in jeans. No one will ever understand the darkness that lurks inside me.

28 shares on Snapchat this month:

My life coach told me I didn’t make the team.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Just read the Ten Commandments for the first time and you can’t do shit with your neighbor.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The incontinent optimist sees the bladder as half empty.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t even bother contacting me on the Ouija Board after I die. I barely answer my texts now.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Ummmm, no, I don’t watch ‘Instagram Reels.’ I have TikTok. I like to get my brain damage directly from the original source.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

When a lady compliments your facial hair, have the goddamn decency to compliment hers.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time I spend my own money, I feel like somebody needs to reimburse me.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not procrastinating. I’m protecting my peace through active avoidance.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Sunrises are really beautiful, but the timing is rather bad.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent a self-checkout where someone else scans the items and puts them in a bag.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Called in, “I can either stay home today and learn to play this accordion or bring it in with me. Your call.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,484

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

Waiting for the websites to start offering pizza instead of just cookies.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

My kids had to work extra hard this morning but they were able to get the clean house back to it’s normal messy state just in time for the guests to arrive.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

“Those tattoos will make it harder to get a job!” Okay, well so will my personality.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Humans are the only species that would cut down trees, make paper out of them, and then write “Save the Trees” on it.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

She’s a 10, but she says ‘Orwellian’ when it’s clearly ‘Kafkaesque”.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Sharpening pencils at the bin was the biggest link-up.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

UK rappers be like “I’ve got a posh flat and my bird is very comely, I own more motors than the marchioness of cholmondeley”

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Referring to normal shoes as non-bowling shoes.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

The knife is my brush, the jam my paint and the toast my canvas.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

Men be like, “That’s my dream girl,” then ruin her perspective of love forever.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

I am not the person I thought I was when I cut that donut in half.

Going viral on Threads:

Forget sexy talk. I want breakfast talk. Describe those waffles to me nice and slow.

Breaking via Discord:

Liking a song isn’t enough, I need to be able to call the artist and tell them they did a great job.

Just shared via Telegram:

My kids think I’m going to miss them when they leave for college, but I’ll be busy drinking my coffee while it’s still hot.

Making waves on YouTube:

Did it hurt when you forgot your headphones and couldn’t romanticize your walk home?

Breaking via X:

Looking to sell my DeLorean. Great shape, low mileage. Only driven from time to time.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Despite all my rage, I still keep refreshing the page.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Buying new glasses this week, so a whole bunch of you are about to get a whole lot uglier.

Just landed via Slack:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?

Going viral on X:

My kids wanted a spooky story from the olden days so I told them the internet used to scream when you turned it on.

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