Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Canceling plans like it's my part-time job! 💁‍♀️ Who needs Netflix when you've got me as the ultimate no-show entertainer? 🤣 #MasterOfCancellation"

am, cancel, entertain, humor, i, invite, me, social, someone

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

It really is Monday every 15 minutes.

0

2 months ago

every, humor, minutes, Monday, procrastination, routine, stress, time, week, work
As someone who was born in August, I find the word leotard extremely offensive.

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2 months ago

August, birthday, born, humor, i, leotard, offensive, someone, word
I hate when I change the battery in the bathroom scale, and it starts telling the truth again.

0

2 months ago

again, bathroom, bathroom scale, battery, change, frustration, hate, honesty, humor, i, scale, telling, truth, weight
If you like true crime stories, I highly recommend the history of the Catholic Church.

0

2 months ago

catholic, Catholic Church, church, crime, crime story, history, humor, i, recommend, recommendation, religious, religious history, story, true, true crime
Wonder if I should do something with my life, or kind of just continue to hang out.

0

2 months ago

decision, hang, hanging, hanging out, humor, i, just, kind, life, life decision, procrastination, reflection, self, self-reflection, should, something, wonder
Me watching any modern ad: How is this ad an ad for the thing it’s an ad for?

0

2 months ago

ad, advertising, confusion, humor, irony, me, modern, thing, watching

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on Telegram this month:

In honor of the winter solstice, I also will be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

42 shares on X this month:

My five-year plan only requires a few acts of God.

90 shares on Twitch this month:

The trick of life is to get the sports car before you have to grunt getting in and out of it.

90 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s funny how quickly you become difficult if you don’t always just say “yes”.

54 shares on X this month:

We’ve been talking about eating the rich for so long, they got over-ripe.

61 shares on Instagram this month:

Nosferatu implies the existence of a Yesferatu.

48 shares on WeChat this month:

She calls me Anthony Bourdain because I eat her parts unknown, no reservations.

23 shares on Pinterest this month:

How do couples who live together get anything done? I wouldn’t leave my bed if my girlfriend was in it.

92 shares on Facebook this month:

Don’t listen to any thoughts about yourself if your hair isn’t washed. It’s just not true.

48 shares on Twitch this month:

My spirit animal is that bird that knocks itself unconscious flying into windows.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Show me in the employee handbook where it says I can’t make weird noises in my cubicle.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

My cat just knocked over my coffee mug and looked at me like it was my fault. How dare I put it on the edge of the table?

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Putting away the Christmas tree. Sad day for cats.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Common sense isn’t a gift. It’s a punishment, because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

I’m not afraid of ghosts because everyone who’s mad at me is still alive.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

You don’t have to remember details when you don’t lie.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

You’ll be watching a series, and they’ll just randomly start playing the best song you’ve ever heard in your life.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Do you think Yoda says “7-6” instead?

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Looking for someone who loves me as much as some people love standing up the second a plane lands.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

My life is ruined. I wish to live no more. Never mind, I found the remote.

Seen just now on YouTube:

God sends you an only child as a friend to test you.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

The devil couldn’t reach me, so he made sure that the love I give is never reciprocated.

Live now on Reddit:

I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Hobosexual. A person who dates you with the sole interest of having a place to stay.

Live now on WeChat:

For Halloween, you should be mine.

Just shared via Telegram:

I think one of my biggest hangups in getting better at Spanish is that speaking with the correct accent makes me feel racist.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Just stay single, y’all… I’m here apologizing for taking a nap.

Just shared via Telegram:

The highlight of my weekends is slipping into something more comfortable and putting my feet up.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Shark tooth necklaces are the perfect accessory if you want to look tough but also tell the world, “I’ve been to a gift shop.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I am not someone you have to entertain if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

It really is Monday every 15 minutes.

As someone who was born in August, I find the word leotard extremely offensive.

I hate when I change the battery in the bathroom scale, and it starts telling the truth again.

If you like true crime stories, I highly recommend the history of the Catholic Church.

Wonder if I should do something with my life, or kind of just continue to hang out.

Me watching any modern ad: How is this ad an ad for the thing it’s an ad for?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨