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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

My teen believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left, and oh, how I laughed and laughed.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

I once quit a job, and when my boss asked why, I simply said, “I hate it here.” Best day of my life.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Is it just me, or were we promised a totally different frog-to-prince ratio?

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

A spoonful of peanut butter from the jar will fix me.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

It’s obvious now that democracy is a busted flush and that in future politicians should be selected via several rigorous rounds of Taskmaster.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

If I had 50¢ for every math test I’ve failed, I’d have $7.20.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Sometimes I do something completely out of character, like say no to a slice of pizza, or trust someone.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Sorry, I ghosted you. I just felt like you were gonna ghost me, so I did it first.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,731

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

One of the great things about being a dad is how easy it is to launder my own desire for ice cream through my children.

Trending via Messenger:

No matter how messed up your situation is, someone on Reddit’s already lived it, cried about it, and made a 3-part update with screenshots and farmed 12k upvotes.

Trending via YouTube:

There’s no way the Scooby Doo gang never found a dead body.

Going viral on Facebook:

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

My favorite pastime is staying up way later than I should and complaining the next day about how tired I am.

Seen just now on Slack:

I fear one day I’ll see one of my posts marked as an “Exhibit A”

Freshly posted on Telegram:

The season is back when women are 80% scarf.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Don’t forget to brush your teeth, comb your hair, cleanse your face, and share my posts.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Thinking after a concert that the artist liked your city/show the most is like thinking the bartender flirted with you.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I’m inventing a website for unemployed people called LinkedOut.

I am not someone you have to entertain if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Witty text about canceling plans, humorous and playful attitude.
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Commentary:
"Canceling plans like it's my part-time job! 💁‍♀️ Who needs Netflix when you've got me as the ultimate no-show entertainer? 🤣 #MasterOfCancellation"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on WeChat this month:

Since I stopped texting first, I haven’t heard from a lot of people in a while.

12 shares on Telegram this month:

The people that sing their heart out, but terribly, are my people.

18 shares on Snapchat this month:

Realizing this yogurt I’m eating is more active and cultured than I am.

50 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I hope this email finds you in a well.

98 shares on WeChat this month:

“Out of sight, out of mind” doesn’t work for donuts.

28 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I will never be the person this serving size suggestion wants me to be.

74 shares on Discord this month:

The thing I hate most about my stationary bike is having to pick it up and turn it around for the return trip.

83 shares on X this month:

I’m busy watching the vegan couple next door arguing about the Big Mac wrapper I hid in their trash can.

91 shares on Messenger this month:

Life hack: if you run out of treadmill space for your clothes, get a piano.

54 shares on Telegram this month:

Put my height in bio. Hope it lands me a girlfriend.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Life is hard. It is harder if you are stupid.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Born to screenshot everything and never look at it again.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I aspire to be a stay-at-home mom with no kids.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Looking for someone whose favorite thing to do is nothing. No hiking. No adventure. Just bed rot.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Going to McDonald’s to get the Grinch meal, then going to Burger King to get the Spongebob meal. Then disappearing into the forest for twenty years.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Thought I was a minimalist, turns out I’m just broke.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate interviewing. Just hire me. I stand on business, for real.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I like people who make eye contact like they know something I don’t.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I think about Adam and Eve and how they couldn’t even get a babysitter.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

This alien invasion could have been an email.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,474

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Flying bugs can basically go anywhere they want, but still choose to fly right into your face.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

I hope this email keeps you awake at night.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Instagram should let you extend the run of one story for another 24 hours if the intended target didn’t see it.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Establish dominance at work by telling your coworkers they look tired before they get a chance to say it to you.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Since you’re all so in love, switch phones for Valentine’s Day!

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Every time I turn around, it’s Monday.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

I might be annoying, but at least my lock screen isn’t a selfie.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

I would do absolutely anything for my friends, except answer their text messages.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

My wife and I always eat dinner as fast as possible so we can have a popsicle.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

My plumber asked me for a Google review. I said I thought it was a really good search engine and I’d give it 8/10.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

There are a few certainties in this life: death, taxes and when a Canadian tells you it’s cold out, it’s cold out.

Just shared via Telegram:

That awkward moment when you’ve said “What?” three times, so you just say “Oh, yeah..” even though you have no idea what they said.

Making waves on Messenger:

Why is everyone mean to the kindest people for absolutely no reason?

Trending via Messenger:

Every time I talk, it sounds like it’s my first time trying to speak.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Wine drunk doesn’t even make itself known. You’re just relaxed, and then, all of a sudden, you feel sexier.

Trending via WeChat:

Babymaking music but it’s the Benny Hill theme song.

Spotted on TikTok:

Do you ever cycle through the same 4 apps on your phone over and over again, and feel like a tiger pacing its cage at the zoo?

Just shared via LinkedIn:

If you call me “daddy” in bed, I will immediately stop what we are doing and make you clean your room.

Seen just now on Instagram:

My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off.

Just shared via Twitch:

Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

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