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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I’m developing a new fragrance for introverts. It’s called: “Leave me the fuh cologne”.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

If you can’t say anything nice, say something funny.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

If a tree falls in a forest and doesn’t make a sound, maybe that’s where your kid should be practicing the piano.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

The thing about Pink Floyd is they take a little while to start singing.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Went on a date with a guy who didn’t ask me any questions about myself, so it’s on him when he finds out about my husband.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Karma not moving fast enough for me. I would hate to handle it myself, Lord.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

If you say something while exhaling smoke, it is 10 times more profound.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

My problem is, I wanna be the only one at the gym when I go.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

“Nothing beats in-person interaction”. Yeah, with someone I know and love, not Denise from finance.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

The first person to throw out bath water: Uh oh.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,454

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The goose: Canada’s most violent saxophone.

Just shared via X:

No one has ever believed in me more than this waitress, who brought me buffalo wings and a single wet nap.

Shared recently on YouTube:

It’s my birthday, but I’m not gonna post about it for attention like some kind of loser.

Making waves on Reddit:

It’s been so long since I had sex last, went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound.

Live now on Slack:

You can just comment, “You two look nice,” on a photo of three people. It’s free and legal.

Spotted on WeChat:

The more I parent the more convinced I am that the ears on toddlers are purely for decoration.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I know I’m almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.

Making waves on Slack:

Being a little older, I am very fortunate to have someone call and check on me every day. He’s from India, and he’s very concerned about my car warranty.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If anything I post makes you mad, just know that it pleases me.

Seen just now on Discord:

Sorry to interrupt your scrolling, but I hope life gets better for you.

I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life…. hibernation.

2 months ago

0

I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life…. hibernation.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🐻💤 "I am physically, mentally, and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life… hibernation. Time to channel my inner bear and embrace the art of cozying up and snoozing through life's challenges!" 😉✨ #HibernateAndChill

am, emotionally, hibernation, i, life, mentally, new, new phase, phase, physically, ready

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The feelings I have for Tom Cruise are the closest approximation I have to what patriotism must feel like.

0

2 months ago

admiration, celebrity, cruise, feel, feelings, humor, i, patriotism, tom, Tom Cruise
Having a sunburn is so humiliating. Now everyone knows I was unprepared for the realities of the wilderness. It marks me as the weakest link. The hungry animals are closing in.

0

5 months ago

animal, animals, closing, everyone, having, humiliating, humiliation, humor, hungry, i, knows, link, me, sunburn, survival, unprepared, weakness, wilderness
So heartbreaking to do laundry and realize you can’t wash the clothes you’re literally wearing right now… you will never have a completely fresh start.

0

5 months ago

clothes, daily, daily life, fresh, fresh start, heartbreak, humor, laundry, life, literally, never, realize, right, start, wash, washing, wear
Not to brag but I am evidence of things unseen.

0

2 months ago

am, brag, evidence, humor, i, self-deprecation, things, unseen
Sorry, I can’t today, I have to rot in bed and squander my potential.

0

2 months ago

bed, excuse, humor, i, lazy, potential, procrastination, rot, self-care, sorry, squander, today
Forever grateful that thought bubbles aren’t a real thing.

0

2 months ago

bubble, forever, gratitude, humor, imagination, real, reality, reflection, thing, thought, thought bubble

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on Facebook this month:

If A-B-C-D didn’t take their sweet time in the alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to sprint every time.

52 shares on Pinterest this month:

No more looking back in anger. It’s time to look forward in anger.

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

Dear algorithm, only show this post to the most attractive and successful people.

41 shares on Snapchat this month:

Hey, I noticed you’re completely uninterested in me and couldn’t care whether I live or die. Would you like to build a life together?

91 shares on Discord this month:

America is like that TV show that’s been on for too long, and the writers don’t know what to do, so they just make anything happen.

69 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’ve disappointed better people.

80 shares on Threads this month:

Tried Adderall to help my productivity but now I’m just intensely aware of all the things I should be doing.

82 shares on Messenger this month:

To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

81 shares on WeChat this month:

Do I work hard? No. But do I work smart to compensate. Absolutely not.

95 shares on Twitch this month:

Check yourself before you Shrek yourself.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Finally got around to emptying the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something started its independence movement in there.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

We are all monsters searching for someone to share our lives with.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

In English we say: “You changed.” But in poetry we say: “You became a stranger wearing the face I used to love, and I am haunted by the ghost of who you were.”

19 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time my kids start whining, I get the urge to call my mom and apologize.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Watching a movie and using a laser pointer to indicate where my fellow viewers should be looking for an optimal viewing experience.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Hate all political parties and you’ll never be disappointed.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder if the sun also takes pictures of humanity going down?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Coffee, because I don’t have time for a manslaughter charge.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,580

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

One time I refused to buy a watch because it was only waterproof to 100 meters. Not sure what sort of future I was imagining for myself there.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Not to be dramatic, but learning how to read has ruined my life.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

I stopped adding “Let me know if you have any more questions!” to my emails because don’t email me again.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Why would anyone ever jump OUT of a cake?

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

I haven’t had sex in so long, I forgot how to moan, what if I mess up and bark?

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Clueless but committed – that’s my vibe.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Thank you for the opportunity but I don’t think being human is a good fit for me. I’m going to go back to school to become an octopus.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

I tried to clean up my Chrome tabs but it turns out all 200 of them contain information that is vital for my survival.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

“Still gangsta” I whisper to myself as I drink my chamomile tea with a heating pad on my back.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

They’re selling me on Temu tomorrow.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

I do not support all women. Some of you are very mean for no reason.

Going bananas on Slack:

Dear music, thanks!

Live now on LinkedIn:

Why be just a part of the solution when you can be the whole problem?

Making waves on Reddit:

The day they handed out patience, I left because it was taking too long.

Breaking via Reddit:

Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I bet aliens lock their door when they go past earth.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

Trending via WhatsApp:

After an hour on this team meeting I’m not wanting to be a team player anymore.

Spotted on TikTok:

ChatGPT is down right now and if you listen closely, you can hear millions of content creators screaming.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

That awkward moment you can’t understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times.

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