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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Started the year single. Ending the year single. Consistency is key.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

When I get the vibe from someone that fitting in is super important to them my first instinct is to bite them.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Don’t worry. You’re exactly where you should be in life. Because you’ve made horrible choices.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

I postpone certain outfits until I get a certain hairstyle because, yes, it’s that deep.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

I’m lazy and chubby. I love food, naps, and coffee. I don’t like Mondays, people, and exercise. I never thought I would grow up to be Garfield.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

No longer chasing dreams. If they want me, they know where I nap.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

I plan the silliest murders in my dreams because all I have to do to get away with it is wake up.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

In Star Wars, anyone can hop in any spaceship and knows how to fly it. I just spent 20 minutes trying to find the headlights in a rental car.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Gardeners are the only people who willingly go outside to get dirty, sweaty, bitten, and sunburned… and call it “relaxing”.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Establish dominance over your cat by suddenly bolting out of the room for no reason.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,635

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I noticed my mouse problem is back an I yelled at my cats for being lazy and not doing their job, like I was in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Clubbing is a phase that you must go through and get over.

Just shared via WeChat:

People don’t get slapped enough with empty gloves these days.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I’m at the age where, if you ask me to go out after 9 p.m., I’m definitely not coming.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Are you the one with commitment issues or the one with low self-worth?

Just shared via WeChat:

Baby for sale. Refuses to wear shoes.

Making waves on Threads:

He who laughs last didn’t get it.

Going viral on Twitch:

Okay, this integrity isn’t going to compromise itself.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Weirdos gonna weird.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Can’t sleep because I keep finding exciting opportunities to get pissed off.

I like how people say “travel safely” like I’m the one flying the plane.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sure, let me just put on my pilot's hat and make sure we reach our destination in one piece! 🧳✈️ #FlightAttendantGoals"

flying, humor, i, irony, people, plane, safely, sarcasm, say, travel

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The gap in my resume? Yeah, it’s called playing outside.

0

2 months ago

activity, childhood, fun, fun activity, gap, humor, joke, outdoor, outdoor play, outside, play, playing, playing outside, resume
I need an Apple Watch that tracks when my patience runs out.

0

5 months ago

apple, Apple Watch, frustration, humor, i, need, patience, runs, technology, tracking, watch
I might look like I have my life together, but that’s only because the mess is out of the camera frame.

0

2 months ago

camera, chaos, frame, humor, humor quote, i, joke, life, mess, only, together
If you sit down to play a game of chess and your opponent punches you in the face, you’re not going to prevail by getting better at chess.

0

3 months ago

better, chess, conflict, face, game, getting, going, humor, opponent, play, response, sit, strategy, unexpected, unexpected response, violence
Women are like apples; I like biting them.

0

2 months ago

apple, apples, biting, flirt, humor, i, joke, playful, teasing, women
Pinterest algorithm is like a loving dad who fills the whole fridge with oranges after seeing you enjoy one.

0

2 months ago

after, algorithm, comparison, dad, enjoy, excess, family, fridge, humor, loving, oranges, Pinterest, seeing, whole

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on X this month:

I really understand why boomers text with ellipses between everything… it feels so good…

96 shares on Instagram this month:

The best weight you’ll ever lose is the weight of other people’s opinions.

40 shares on Snapchat this month:

Before we become friends, could you please sign this NDA.

93 shares on Discord this month:

Autocorrect changed ‘are you around?’ to ‘are you aroused?’ and my buddy didn’t want to hang out today.

87 shares on Slack this month:

Someone is probably in the worst argument of their life right now. LOL!

23 shares on Threads this month:

No more bare minimum, I want the moon and the stars. Maybe even a planet at this point.

34 shares on Instagram this month:

I could never give up my dog, he knows too much.

80 shares on WeChat this month:

Anyone else’s phone make a retching noise when you unlock it with Face ID?

46 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Men be like “I would do anything for you,” and then do nothing.

84 shares on Instagram this month:

Heartbreaking: Introvert sentenced to 100 hours of hanging out.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Everyone is awful in their own special way.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

I’ve reached the age where people talk loudly and slowly to me.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode them bikes when we were younger.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

You look like you can go as yourself for Halloween.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

I grew up in a poor family. We didn’t have much, but we had each other. And that was the worst part.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Getting a key tattoo, but getting it covered up with a doormat tattoo, so no one ever finds it.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

If I’m ever in a coma, please pluck my chin hairs.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

The older I get, I realize my mom was right, but I just didn’t like her tone.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

I don’t mind pulling your cart — I’ve been chasing the carrot anyway, and it’s in the same direction.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

When my wife packs for a trip she basically moves out.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

Mike is short for Micycle.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

My favorite thing to do at the gym is stay home and eat a piece of cake.

Trending via Slack:

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?

Spotted on Instagram:

Take your days off, these jobs don’t care about you.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Life hack: put on an apron at home and people think you’re super busy doing important stuff even when you’re not.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

My favorite thing to do when I see people I know in public is to pretend I didn’t.

Trending via Facebook:

When a documentary starts with an old person going, ‘We’re a small town, we didn’t lock our doors at night,’ oh, we’re gonna find out what made them start.

Spotted on Pinterest:

The urge to say “yeah, you should do that”, especially when you have no clue.

Making waves on Facebook:

Unfortunately, I could never be nonchalant because I am not well in the head, and also my soul is on fire.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I be like, “Who’s praying on my downfall?” as if I don’t make self-destructive life decisions.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I like how people say “travel safely” like I’m the one flying the plane.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The gap in my resume? Yeah, it’s called playing outside.

I need an Apple Watch that tracks when my patience runs out.

I might look like I have my life together, but that’s only because the mess is out of the camera frame.

If you sit down to play a game of chess and your opponent punches you in the face, you’re not going to prevail by getting better at chess.

Women are like apples; I like biting them.

Pinterest algorithm is like a loving dad who fills the whole fridge with oranges after seeing you enjoy one.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨