Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

My tombstone will read “Hey there, I’m using WhatsApp!”.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

If you don’t know how many x-rays it takes before a person develops super powers, should you really be in a medical profession?

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Deleting dating apps because I want to meet someone the old fashioned way (he and his donkey rescue me from a tower guarded by a dragon).

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

I need to stop saying “Oppa Gagnam Style!” to fill in awkward pauses in conversation.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

My goal is to do one thing each day that could prevent me from being elected to political office.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Opening this app is like lighting a cigarette.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Whenever I get up my cat gets up too and then yells at me like it’s my fault she decided we have to do this together.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

There’s a fat man inside me dying to get out.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Puberty was a hair-raising experience.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

If I were you, I would rather be me.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

Just shared via X:

Alcohol is a vicious cycle: regret, recovery, repeat.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Interrupt my sleep and I’ll interrupt your breathing.

Going viral on Slack:

Men be like, “You’ve been different ever since I disrespected you.”

Going bananas on YouTube:

Sometimes I see how many vacations people take and I wonder if I’m bad with money or if they are.

I like running because it’s cheaper than paying for a gym membership. If the gym wants the money I owe them, they’ll have to catch me.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Running: the ultimate dodgeball game with gym memberships! 🏃‍♂️💨💸 Don't break a sweat, just outrun your bills! 💸😅"

catch, cheaper, cost-saving, exercise, fitness, gym, humor, i, joke, me, membership, money, running, wants

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You know you got a bad haircut when she insists on giving you a $10 discount.

0

2 months ago

bad, bad hair, discount, giving, hair, hair salon, haircut, haircut joke, humor, joke, know, salon
You only realize how heavy your handbag really is when your car tells you that your passenger is not wearing a seatbelt.

0

2 months ago

car, handbag, heavy, humor, only, passenger, realization, realize, seatbelt, weight
How did we decide to go with cockpit?

0

2 months ago

aviation, choices, cockpit, context, decide, decision, humor
Most meetings end with the conclusion that everything needs to be discussed in another meeting.

0

2 months ago

another, conclusion, discussion, end, everything, humor, irony, meeting, meetings, needs, office, procrastination, work
Before I started my own business, I would suffer from anxiety on Sunday nights. But now that I run my own business, I have anxiety every night.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, before, business, entrepreneur, every, humor, i, night, nights, own, run, small, small business, stress, suffer, Sunday, Sunday night, work
Perks of being ugly: phone battery lasts longer.

0

2 months ago

appearance, battery, dating, humor, joke, perks, phone, self-deprecation, ugly

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on WeChat this month:

If you wanna make someone cry, just show them the earliest year they can retire.

99 shares on X this month:

I thought Game of Thrones was a pooping contest for men.

37 shares on TikTok this month:

“It could be drugs,” I tell myself as I buy more books.

23 shares on Snapchat this month:

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

68 shares on WeChat this month:

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

42 shares on Instagram this month:

I could never be in the mafia, those guys stay up way to late.

88 shares on Telegram this month:

No matter what’s going on in your life, there’s some form of potato that can make it better.

78 shares on Telegram this month:

My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

43 shares on Facebook this month:

McDonald’s only giving me 9 Chicken Nuggets instead of 10 is how my villain origin story began.

64 shares on TikTok this month:

“You replied so quickly.” God forbid I wait like a dog to hear from you again.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Parents become grandparents and lose all their senses. All of a sudden, they got McDonald’s money now.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

My desire to be informed is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

I can’t watch Sex and the City anymore, because I get really upset at how much money these ladies have.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

My bad for thinking everyone has common sense.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Hey, man, we’re worshiping a false god later. If you wanna pull up.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Major cheat code in life: ask for the big, unreasonable thing. The universe meets you at your level of audacity.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Hey Grok, scan through all my mutuals and find me a girlfriend, thanks!

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Nobody talks about the privilege of having a friend who shows interest in your hyperfixations.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

Confuse a restaurant manager today by telling her how good the service was.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Returning to Twitter is like coming back to a dysfunctional family.

Going viral on Telegram:

We use our phones to watch videos that remind us of what life was like before we had phones.

Live now on TikTok:

If you get hangovers, it’s because you drank the beers with impure intentions and heavy karmic debt.

Trending via Slack:

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.

Just shared via X:

The Gen Z stare. The millennial pause. Instead, let’s talk about the boomer inappropriate personal question.

Going viral on Reddit:

Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?

Going bananas on WeChat:

I think the key to happiness is having plenty of money and then telling all the poor people that money can’t buy happiness.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.

Making waves on Twitch:

I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I like running because it’s cheaper than paying for a gym membership. If the gym wants the money I owe them, they’ll have to catch me.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

You know you got a bad haircut when she insists on giving you a $10 discount.

You only realize how heavy your handbag really is when your car tells you that your passenger is not wearing a seatbelt.

How did we decide to go with cockpit?

Most meetings end with the conclusion that everything needs to be discussed in another meeting.

Before I started my own business, I would suffer from anxiety on Sunday nights. But now that I run my own business, I have anxiety every night.

Perks of being ugly: phone battery lasts longer.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨