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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Men be like, “Ok, you wanna know the truth,” and lie even harder.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Anyone know how to get an air guitar out of a vacuum?

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Sex is cool, but have you ever found an academic article that fits your research topic perfectly and supports all of your claims?

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

When I watch hockey, I pretend they’re fighting over the last Oreo.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Forrest Gump is a haunting film about how long you have to wait for a bus in America.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Me, to the printer: “Hey, could you print this out for me?” Printer: “Sure, but first I’ll show you all the sounds I can make.”

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Nothing makes you regret an outfit choice faster than when you see teens looking at you and whispering.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,263

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

I like to think of myself as an onion. Peel back the many layers and deep down inside you’ll find a smaller, more anxious onion.

Going bananas on X:

Nothing is hungrier than a Roomba that sees a charger cord.

Going viral on Reddit:

You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

Shared recently on WeChat:

And then the vodka whispered, “Say what you really think.”

Going viral on Twitch:

Agriculture can’t possibly be a dying industry. Bot farms are booming.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

My husband cleaned the kitchen for the first time in years. He’s in the living room, dressed in a suit, waiting for the award ceremony to commence.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I purposely overcook my holiday turkeys so I don’t have to hear anyone at the table say, “moist.”

Seen just now on Threads:

My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a second.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I take issue with furniture that deliberately moves 1 inch when you’re in a rush to get by.

I prefer to use deodorant immediately after shaving my armpits so that I can feel that I’m still alive.

2 months ago

0

I prefer to use deodorant immediately after shaving my armpits so that I can feel that I’m still alive.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the sweet, refreshing sensation of deodorant post-shave – a true wake-up call for the armpits! 💪🪒 Who knew that feeling alive could involve a spritz of freshness and a smooth shave? It's the little things in life, folks! 😄 #ArmpitAwakening"

alive, armpits, care, deodorant, feel, humor, hygiene, i, personal, personal care, shaving, still

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The words I can’t wait to hear someday, “I’m sorry, Mom, you were right about everything.”

0

5 months ago

apology, everything, family, hear, humor, i, mom, parent, patience, realization, right, someday, sorry, truth, wait, words
Living in your parent’s house is free because you pay with your soul.

0

2 months ago

adulting, family, family life, free, free housing, house, housing, humor, independence, life, living, living with parents, parents, pay, sarcasm, soul
Starting a new show sucks. Who are these people?

0

2 months ago

frustration, humor, new, people, show, start, sucks
Sarah Connor would be awfully disappointed in us all, letting this Grok into our lives.

0

2 months ago

connor, culture, disappointed, disappointment, grok, humor, letting, pop, pop culture, sarah, Sarah Connor, us
I told my wife the laundry on the couch ain’t gonna fold itself, so if y’all don’t hear from me later, she probably folded me like an omelet.

0

2 months ago

couch, domestic, domestic life, fold, hear, humor, i, joke, later, laundry, life, marriage, me, omelet, told, wife
They should invent a January that doesn’t drain your will to live.

0

2 months ago

blues, humor, invention, January, live, motivation, seasonal, seasonal blues, should, winter

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My burning question is who thought a two day weekend would suffice the human body.

45 shares on Facebook this month:

Never underestimate the healing power of having your bed to yourself.

84 shares on Facebook this month:

Bitcoin is just Kohl’s Cash for boys.

51 shares on Discord this month:

It’s funny how quickly you become difficult if you don’t always just say “yes”.

10 shares on TikTok this month:

The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, which is ironic.

87 shares on WeChat this month:

Haunted house idea: a poorly lit Walmart littered with people you haven’t seen since high school.

16 shares on Instagram this month:

Two people had sex and now I’m fighting for my life everyday.

77 shares on WeChat this month:

Happy return of “yes of course it’s bedtime, see how dark it is outside” to all parents who celebrate.

65 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I took my kids to the zoo when they were small, I wonder how they are getting on now.

52 shares on Twitch this month:

A big F*** YOU to people driving small cars and pulling deep into parking spaces so I think I have a spot until the last second.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Applying for jobs sometimes is wild, like how am I supposed to be passionate about a company I don’t even work for yet?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

You want me to do Pilates? The thing that killed Jesus?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The most disturbing thing about waking up at 4 a.m. is realizing some people do this on purpose so they can exercise.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t sleep good when I know the food is feeling cold in the fridge.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Limiting my replies to introverts, wizards, freaks and vampires only.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Adulting’s a total scam. Bills, taxes, and a laundry pile that breeds in the dark, were not in the brochure!

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I really don’t get enough praise for someone who doesn’t need validation from others.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

We are talking about how beautiful and cool you are behind your back.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Grandma complained that with age, her joints were getting weaker. Told her to just roll them a little tighter.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

A single garbageman contributes more to society before lunch than every crypto trader and op-ed writer combined does in their lifetime.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,535

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

I was neglecting my root chakra at the time, your honor.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Can y’all just post your therapist’s advice in the comments so I don’t have to go?

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

If you’re soft, don’t come to my house, cause my kids will roast you.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

It feels like it costs $100 a day just to exist anymore.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so eat that cake today.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Oasis didn’t just write good songs. They wrote the soundtrack for a whole generation.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Now I understand why old people sit outside just to sit outside.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

We all got a little Barbie in us (the microplastics).

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Whoever named rice cakes is probably also responsible for Paris, Texas.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Texting my boss from the job I got laid off from 5 months ago and telling him I have diarrhea.

Broadcasted on X:

Some stupid little amoeba decided to leave the ocean a billion years ago and now I have to worry about Monday.

Just shared via Instagram:

A police lineup, but you have to recognize your dad’s sneeze.

Spotted on TikTok:

We should just cancel April Fools Day this year. No prank can top reality right now.

Seen just now on YouTube:

If the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.

Breaking via Slack:

If you’re the type of person who likes to be left alone, I’m with you. Better yet, I’m not with you.

Shared recently on YouTube:

There’s a reason you ain’t ever used your phone in a dream.

Spotted on Threads:

There’s a fat man inside me dying to get out.

Spotted on TikTok:

The only downside to dating hot men is that when it ends, he’s still hot.

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