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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

Tweeting with no audience feels like screaming jokes into a cornfield.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

My husband pissed me off so I wrapped his remote and put it under the tree.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

No we can’t hangout, you’ll end up falling in love with me and I don’t have time for that.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Imagine thinking you have any clue what’s going on.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Reoccurring dreams be like: ‘I dunno, here’s a rerun’

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

I haven’t been with anyone in 3 years. I feel sorry for my next boyfriend. He might not make it through the day.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Commas are like garlic, you measure with your heart.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

You’re never alone. There’s mold.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Yeah, baby, I am an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,296

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

So tomorrow is Monday again? I can’t keep living like this.

Just landed via X:

Life is just a series of Sopranos references with some other things mixed in.

Shared recently on Telegram:

You’re not a real baddie until a man has tried to forbid you from posting on social media.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Having a crush should be considered a form of self-harm.

Breaking via Messenger:

Summer Olympics is just me swimming in sweat and wrestling with my sports bra.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Going out to eat and shopping by yourself is actually one of the most peaceful and therapeutic things ever.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Eating the rest of the donuts will keep me from eating donuts tomorrow. My logic is flawless.

Just shared via Telegram:

Teens be like, “You know that crumbled up piece of paper that’s been on the table all week? I need it for school.”

Spotted on Reddit:

The only reason to engage with a neighbor is if either of you is on fire.

Trending via Snapchat:

Adults chasing the popularity they missed out on as teenagers are the worst.

I thought my mixed signals were perfectly clear.

4 weeks ago

Witty text about confusing signals, humorous and playful in tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic case of sending mixed signals without realizing it… Just like trying to order a pizza with a salad menu! 🍕🥗 Maybe it's time to send a memo to your brain to streamline the communication process! 😉 #LostInTranslation"

clarity, clear, communication, expectations, humor, i, misunderstanding, mixed, mixed signal, perfectly, relationship, signal, signals, thought

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on Messenger this month:

Pepsi & Coca-Cola can’t even be in the same restaurant… and we want world peace.

37 shares on Threads this month:

Dear liars, I hope every pair of pants you own are on fire.

13 shares on WhatsApp this month:

At the self-checkout, I make small talk with myself and I wish I would just shut up.

23 shares on Reddit this month:

Life is short. Tell people you love them, so they block you sooner.

56 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep.

16 shares on YouTube this month:

Called in, “I can either stay home today and learn to play this accordion or bring it in with me. Your call.”

46 shares on Facebook this month:

“Work smarter, not harder.” Brother, I’m not doing either of those things.

49 shares on Facebook this month:

Being an adult feels like, “If I can just get through this week, I’ll be okay,” but it’s every damn week.

98 shares on Reddit this month:

Please solve a murder to prove you’re not a bot.

39 shares on Twitch this month:

The first 120 hours after the weekend are always the worst.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Someone at my job mentioned severance, and I was like, “Oh my God, I love that show,” and they said, “No, I’m about to get fired.”

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Juggling screen time is the ultimate multitasking Olympics.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I have some fart jokes I’ve been holding in.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter is the only place where well-articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes,” and somebody will say, “So you hate waffles?”

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I was about to stop overthinking, then I thought of a giraffe having a sore throat.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Gay? We don’t use that word anymore. Person of rainbow.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve been in a bad mood since like 2010.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s finally actually Saturday after just thinking it was Saturday every day for the last five days.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m attracted to people that no one pays attention to.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter actually is my diary, so you’re not allowed to get mad at the things I post. You’re not even supposed to be reading this. Why were you going through my stuff?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,542

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Getting married soon. Just need a spouse.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

You know it’s bad when even a cheeseburger doesn’t help.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

I can’t wait til I have hearing aids, so I can just turn them off when I’m tired of hearing everyone.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

As president, I will allow people to use the same password as before when changing their password.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

And is the financial stability in the room with us right now?

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

I know Jesus was a carpenter, but I think he would’ve been a better plumber, you know, with the water thing.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

What’s wrong, babe? You hardly touched your own advice you give to others.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Don’t compare yourself with others. Everyone is better than you.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Remember when tweets were like: party rocking with a mouse tonight. Piece of cheese gonna have a big bite.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

(Most depressed guy you’ve ever met) I’m doing pretty good.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Not gonna lie, toddlers absolutely nailed it with naps, buttered noodles, and rejecting authority.

Just landed via Facebook:

Being smart is a curse. You see the game, the lies, the patterns, but you still gotta play dumb to survive.

Trending via X:

Me: Maybe it’s the weed talking but your apartment seems enormous. IKEA Manager: Sir.

Spotted on WeChat:

When God created the giraffe, he probably slipped with the mouse on the screen. This is how its neck was created.

Spotted on Threads:

If you pass out in front of your kids they will either try to call an ambulance or use you as a trampoline. You just don’t know.

Just shared via TikTok:

I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

“I’m at a point in my life where my favorite thing to do is nothing.”

Shared recently on YouTube:

Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. It will never bring you true happiness or fulfillment. Also, it’s a felony.

Trending via X:

I don’t think fish should be allowed to eat other fish. I don’t know. Just seems weird. That’s like your coworker, dude.

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