I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn. It’s dead yarn now though.

75 shares on Telegram this month:

Mixing 1% milk and 2% milk to create the forbidden 1.72% milk.

15 shares on Threads this month:

The minute I start feeling like a mother to a man, the relationship is over.

74 shares on Instagram this month:

If you’re cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

82 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“I could see myself living here,” I said, in a different city for more than 24 hours.

13 shares on Messenger this month:

Being informed is the worst thing I’ve ever done for my mental health.

86 shares on Instagram this month:

I’ve never been kissed under the cameltoe or whatever it’s called.

83 shares on WhatsApp this month:

At this point making life choices involves liquor and a dart board.

88 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I named my eraser Confidence because it gets smaller after every mistake I make.

72 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Tolerate the lactose already, you heathen.

28 shares on Pinterest this month:

Cholesterol has a special place in my heart.