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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Old people get so mad when you’re young and tired.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

Some days you just feel like a hotel microwave. You’re here, but you don’t have enough power to actually do anything.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

You’ll never realize how crazy you really are until you fall in love.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

I think you’re like the cat’s meow, annoying yet sweet.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

I have feelings for you but you have to guess which ones.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

My parents told me Santa wasn’t real when I was 16. Jokes on them, because I’m at the mall right now, and guess who’s here.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

God forbid a girl wanna kiss and be kissed.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

“What’s your blood type?” I don’t know, boiling!

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

I don’t understand how spending more money than I earn is irresponsible. I’m giving more than I take. I’m generous.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

I get so crabby when strangers waste my time which is unfair to them because I waste almost all of my own time to begin with.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Jan 6, 2026

3,396

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

Yeah, baby, I am an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.

Just shared via Facebook:

If you see me online, I’m not chatting. I’m busy ignoring the world and laughing at memes like it’s therapy.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Reading fanfics is so fun, I wish romantic attraction was real.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Shoutout to video games, man. I love having a reason to live.

Just landed via Reddit:

Some people are storms dressed like sunsets. Beautiful from a distance. Dangerous up close.

Just shared via Reddit:

Still holding out hope that these intrusive thoughts are just gas.

Freshly posted on Discord:

At Christmas time, all outstanding invoices are always transferred with the reference “Hohoho”.

Just landed via WeChat:

I was having a great day, and then, people.

Trending via Facebook:

Having little kids is great because I love spending hundreds of dollars each week to feed my floor and my trash can.

Breaking via Messenger:

I suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes it look like you’re an angry serial killer.

I truly wonder what it sounded like when Medusa washed her hair at night.

2 months ago

0

I truly wonder what it sounded like when Medusa washed her hair at night.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
I bet Medusa's hair-washing routine was lit 🔥! I mean, can you imagine the serpentine symphony of slithering snakes and sssssoothing suds? 🐍🚿 It was probably a real hair-raising experience! 💇‍♀️ #MedusaManeMaintenance

hair, humor, i, Medusa, mythology, night, sound, wonder

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I hate when people ask me: “Why are you so quiet?” Because I am. That’s how I function. I don’t ask others, “Why do you talk so much?” It’s rude.

0

3 months ago

am, ask, communication, function, hate, humor, i, interaction, introvert, me, much, others, people, personality, quiet, rude, rudeness, social, social interaction, talk, talking, why
I wish more modern politics were about trying to stop the fulfillment of an ancient prophecy.

0

2 months ago

ancient, fulfillment, humor, i, modern, politics, prophecy, satire, stop, trying, wish
Silk is a crazy material. “I like your shirt,” thanks. It came out of a bug.

0

4 months ago

bug, came, clothing, crazy, humor, i, insect, material, nature, shirt, silk, thanks
A piece of chocolate contains just enough energy to take another one.

0

2 months ago

another, chocolate, energy, enough, humor, indulgence, just, motivation, piece, snack, sweets, take, temptation
Your problems are neither sexual nor spiritual, they are gastrointestinal.

0

3 months ago

digestion, gastrointestinal, health, humor, problem, problems, sexual, spiritual
Just got diagnosed with needing a hot chocolate with extra marshmallows.

0

3 weeks ago

beverage, chocolate, comfort, comfort food, craving, diagnosis, extra, food, got, hot, hot chocolate, humor, just, marshmallow

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on Discord this month:

Please, if you ever offer me a snack and I say no, ask me again, I didn’t mean it the first time.

22 shares on Slack this month:

After you do your laundry, you should be allowed to get in the dryer and tumble for a little. No charge.

18 shares on Slack this month:

Live, laugh, lie to the doctor about how many drinks you have per week.

12 shares on Instagram this month:

Who needs dystopian fiction when you can watch the news?

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

36 shares on Facebook this month:

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I’m gonna need everybody to stop living here.

71 shares on Discord this month:

That awkward moment you can’t understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times.

79 shares on Discord this month:

There’s nothing like sitting by an open fire and watching the evidence burn.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock over a lamp, and land on the floor.

59 shares on TikTok this month:

Who called it girl math and not galgebra?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Whenever I’m not eating a breakfast sandwich I wish I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

So far, no one has seriously tried to bribe me, which is a shame because I am extremely corrupt. Maybe I need a position with more power.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Drove by a woman with her car broke down, I was going to stop and help until I remembered I don’t know anything about cars or women.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Dogs will go through amazing effort to get a better view of your plate.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Gonna get my eye looked at today. Usually it’s the other way around.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Occupation: the ugly friend!

12 folks are currently checking 👀

These cannot be the same knees that used to get low in heels at the club.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Grateful for independence mostly because British food is gross.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re excited about your organized fridge.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I swear, if my memory was any worse, I could plan my own surprise party.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,366

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting well wishes for Christmas.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Let’s get married and have kids, so instead of relaxing during weeknights, we can go to seven practices and relearn algebra.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

There is too much happening for mid-December. Where are the canceled meetings? Why are we not circling back next year?

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

When one door closes, lock it securely, along with all your other doors and windows, before any inspirational quotes get in.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat too.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

I didn’t ghost you, I saved you from me.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

It seems a little unfair that the people who want to go to bed have to put the people to bed who don’t want to go to bed.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

I don’t hold grudges. I just remember facts very aggressively.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

“What’s a random act of kindness you’ve done for a stranger recently?” I helped a bunch of teens buy alcohol and cigarettes the other day.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Life is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate a helicopter.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Before social media, you had to actively go out and find crazy people.

Just landed via YouTube:

When a door closes in life, sometimes it’s better to grab a hammer and nails and make sure the damn thing stays shut.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Forgetting to put jewelry and perfume on is literally the worst feeling.

Breaking via Telegram:

I hate it when I imagine how a conversation will go and then in the actual conversation the person goes off script. That’s not your line, man.

Going viral on X:

Coffee and more coffee is a perfect combo.

Trending via Telegram:

Maybe women decided to convince men that beards were sexy because they were sick of cleaning the washbasin after he shaved.

Just landed via Telegram:

What was the name of the boat in Titanic?

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

My most boomer belief is that you can often get a malfunctioning appliance to work again by slapping it.

Just shared via Discord:

People say “go big or go home” like going home is a bad thing. Heck yeah, I want to go home, and I’ll have a nap when I get there.

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