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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Just realised if I have a kid, they’re likely to see the year 2100… WTF?

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Rudolph, with your nose so bright, help me find my phone tonight.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

Asking Santa Claus for nudes.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Please pray for our son, who had to unload the dishwasher when “he just did this yesterday, and he’s tired.”

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Playing dead when a cop pulls me over.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

If I ever look at my phone in the middle of a conversation with you, I’m not reading a text; I’m just looking up the definition of a word I just used a bit too confidently.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

Your future doctor is using ChatGPT to pass med school so you better start eating healthy.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Damn, all this overthinking and I still be making dumb decisions.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Not to brag but I don’t even need meditation, my mind goes blank the second someone asks me for directions.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Parents will discover a movie on Netflix that you can’t even imagine.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,558

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Stretching is not enough. I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Spotted on Facebook:

I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Gaslighting myself into thinking I’m in a good mood.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.

Going viral on Discord:

Sorry, can’t. Calling NASA and making alien noises.

Making waves on Messenger:

Penguins are just ducks going to a wedding.

Going bananas on WeChat:

I can’t wait until I’m old enough to pretend I can’t hear.

Breaking via Telegram:

You only realize how heavy your handbag really is when your car tells you that your passenger is not wearing a seatbelt.

Going viral on Instagram:

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

Going viral on YouTube:

Maybe your soulmate’s just late, like, wildly behind schedule.

I truly wonder what it sounded like when Medusa washed her hair at night.

2 weeks ago

Witty quote imagining Medusa's hair-washing sounds at night, playful and humorous in tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
I bet Medusa's hair-washing routine was lit 🔥! I mean, can you imagine the serpentine symphony of slithering snakes and sssssoothing suds? 🐍🚿 It was probably a real hair-raising experience! 💇‍♀️ #MedusaManeMaintenance

hair, humor, i, Medusa, mythology, night, sound, wonder

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on X this month:

I came. I saw. I made it awkward.

81 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m no expert, but I don’t think the United Kingdom is very united.

66 shares on Pinterest this month:

Hate Google’s Gemini. If I wanted to get misinformation from a Gemini, I’d talk to my mother.

78 shares on Messenger this month:

I like to just appear out of nowhere and say, “this looks like a job for a binder clip.”

34 shares on Messenger this month:

Girl, if the moon can block the sun, then you can definitely block your ex.

23 shares on Instagram this month:

My lips could use some attention today.

33 shares on Reddit this month:

We really grew up in the best era to be a kid, and the worst era to be an adult.

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

I deleted Google when I met you because the search was over.

60 shares on Facebook this month:

With great power comes the absolute certainty that you’ll turn into a right douche.

90 shares on Facebook this month:

Inventor of pink lemonade: yes, exactly the same, but cute and for the girls.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Is it possible to die of horniness? Asking for a friend.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but my doctor says I have an irreversible terminal condition called aging.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally go to touch them, and they will let you.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

If there’s no open mouth cougher on the plane they hold the flight until they can find one.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

As a pigeon mother, I would never let my pigeon daughter hang around the station. That’s really no place for a young pigeon lady.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

That one British friend that’s too bloke.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

True romantics have made peace with the possibility of lifelong solitude.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

They need to invent a dishwasher with a window on it. I have to know what goes on in there.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Tonight we shall read a passage from the old testicle.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Every cat is a little celebrity to me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,679

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

If Monday were available for purchase at IKEA, it would be called “Fekking Hell”.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

I love that my dog always comes home from the groomer wearing a bandana. It’s like he was only gone for three hours, but joined a gang in that time.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

A spiral is just a circle that’s afraid of closure.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Texting him “Happy New Year” to interrupt his healing process.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

What happened to my ankles tonight mosquitologically can never happen again.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Yeah, I work at the fart bar. Yup. I’m a fartender. Farts on me tonight!

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Are you gonna call me beautiful today, or do I need to go to the gas station?

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

You know you’re getting old when you get mad at some random car parked outside your house.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Work beers should be a daily thing.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Just eating the emotional support snickers bar in my purse. How about you?

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

The sound of rain outside when you’re in bed is elite.

Making waves on TikTok:

Brains are awesome. I wish I had one.

Just landed via Telegram:

That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock over a lamp, and land on the floor.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I’m seriously considering adoption. Who wants me?

Trending via Threads:

Prior to the arrival of Paper and Scissors, Rock faced no competition.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Іf Empire Strikes Back isn’t a Christmas movie, then why is there so much snow in it?

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Losing weight is basically all about being cold 90% of the time.

Just landed via Discord:

My mental health is as reliable as a flashlight in a horror film.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Free marriage tip: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she is mowing the lawn.

Spotted on Facebook:

It’s not jingling to you that I’m standing on Christmas.

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