I went to a mind reader. She almost went mad.

59 shares on Snapchat this month:

Uber drivers have secret access to a streaming service of exclusively the worst music you’ve ever heard.

74 shares on Snapchat this month:

I hate when people call my phone! I don’t use it for that.

99 shares on Discord this month:

If a beer is 8 bucks, it’s a show. If a beer is 14 bucks, it’s a concert.

100 shares on Discord this month:

Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.

71 shares on Instagram this month:

One minute you’re young and fun, and the next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.

53 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There’s never a good place to clip your toenails at the library.

65 shares on Discord this month:

Find someone who cares about you as much as Gmail cares about new devices signing into your account.

53 shares on YouTube this month:

No revenge, because to know me only as a memory is to suffer.

10 shares on Telegram this month:

Am I the only person who hates spending the night at someone’s place? Like, we can hang out until 3 a.m., but I’m still going home.

11 shares on Facebook this month:

The time I spend, just thinking about food, is kind of embarrassing.