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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Interviewer: “What did you learn from your previous job?” Me: “That I need a new job.”

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

If a woman says she’ll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be. No need to remind her every half hour.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Can someone call my keys? I forgot where I put them.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

My kids are asking for another dog that I can feed and walk.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

November should have one more day. Just because to me November 31st sounds real. And also I don’t want to pay rent tomorrow.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

“You smell so good!” Okay, so kiss me.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Please help my husband and I decide on dinner. We’ve narrowed it down to “It doesn’t matter” and “It’s your turn to choose”.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Is it possible to die of horniness? Asking for a friend.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

I need one of those jobs they have in sitcoms, where it pays my rent but interferes with exactly zero of my social plans or situations.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

764 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,926

Funny Quotes Topics

13,898

Funny Quotes Images

10,926

17 minutes ago

3,423

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

Adult friendships are like, “hey girl, let’s keep rescheduling to hangout until one of us dies.”

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I didn’t buy that thing I wanted but didn’t need, so I celebrated by buying a different thing I wanted but didn’t need.

Seen just now on X:

Breaking News: Local woman stuns in new unnecessary online purchase.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I wish rolling your eyes burned calories.

Shared recently on Telegram:

That awkward moment, when all eyes are on the bride, but your son is the groom.

Making waves on Telegram:

I don’t want to do exercise, but I want to have done exercise.

Just shared via X:

I need new friends. The old ones know too much.

Just landed via Discord:

I think my leftovers are old enough to throw themselves away.

Spotted on Slack:

Shoutout to my kids because they aren’t listening!

Spotted on Pinterest:

Another beautiful day without using sin, tan and cos.

I wonder if this is all happening because I opened that umbrella inside.

5 months ago

I wonder if this is all happening because I opened that umbrella inside.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, well, well, looks like someone's tempting fate by defying the ancient umbrella-expert advice! ☂️ Now, I'm not saying opening an umbrella indoors causes chaos, but hey, better safe than sorry… Maybe you should start looking for four-leaf clovers just in case! 🍀

bad, bad luck, coincidence, funny remark, happening, humor, i, inside, luck, questioning, remark, superstition, umbrella, wonder

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

764 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,926

Funny Quotes Topics

13,898

Funny Quotes Images

10,926

17 minutes ago

3,441

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

If you play guitar in a band, always make sure to look like it hurts to play.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

My account is fake, I’m actually your probation officer.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

The ugliest version of me is the version that comes out when I play board games. I don’t know who she is, but she is a monster. She is not fit for human interaction.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

I’ve jogged with my jogging pants about as often as I’ve rolled through the kitchen with kitchen roll.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Most women need a little reassurance. Like when she says “oh, you want to see crazy?” Reassure her that you do not.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

You can’t spell disappointment without me.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

They should invent a day where I don’t think.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I just lost all my tabs. Only now do I understand the tragedy that was the burning of the Library of Alexandria.

Just landed via TikTok:

At a certain age, all you really want is a good mattress.

Spotted on Telegram:

A moment of silence for those who hate us but can’t unfriend us because they’re afraid of not knowing what’s happening in our lives.

Just landed via Pinterest:

If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

Going viral on YouTube:

A funny thing about the Heimlich Maneuver is that it’s impossible to pronounce if you’re choking.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I’ve just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I hate it when I’m cleaning the house and suddenly find a bowl of ice cream in my lap and my soap opera on.

Making waves on Twitch:

At my age, I’m more frightened of a hip break than a heartbreak.

Spotted on Twitch:

Halloween is a big day for dogs who love to absolutely lose their shit when the doorbell rings.

Making waves on Instagram:

Of course I stay hydrated. Carbohydrated.

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