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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

I’m not being smart, I’m just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

They should let you spend one night in a house before you buy/rent it, just to make sure it’s haunted.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Breaking a heart is considered bad, but melting a heart is somehow good.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

If you saw me licking the plate after the charcuterie was finished, no you didn’t.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

It’s scary when an attractive person is attracted to you, omg.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

People have ex girlfriends, I have ex crushes.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Starting conversations with short people by saying “back when I was your height…”

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your clothes are still in the washing machine.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

It sure is strange that after Tuesday the rest of the week spells WTF.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

God, I’m not trying to rush you for my soulmate; but could I get the tracking number?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,467

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

Seen just now on Twitch:

If I’m ever in a coma, please put chapstick on my lips.

Just shared via WeChat:

Can’t believe we used to throw eggs at houses, and now we can afford neither eggs nor houses.

Trending via Telegram:

I’ve worn oversized T-shirts so much that I suffocate if I wear one that actually fits.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I’ve never met a garlic bread I didn’t get on with.

Seen just now on Discord:

The T in depression stands for the therapy places that are immediately available.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Online dating is stupid because scent is such an important factor of attraction.

Spotted on X:

Break-up so bad, he blocked me on Pokémon Go.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Every cat is a little celebrity to me.

Just landed via YouTube:

Welcome to your 40s. You’re home from the party before you used to go out for the party in your 20s.

I wonder if this is all happening because I opened that umbrella inside.

1 week ago

Witty text about misfortune, humorously pondering umbrella mishap indoors.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, well, well, looks like someone's tempting fate by defying the ancient umbrella-expert advice! ☂️ Now, I'm not saying opening an umbrella indoors causes chaos, but hey, better safe than sorry… Maybe you should start looking for four-leaf clovers just in case! 🍀

bad, bad luck, coincidence, funny remark, happening, humor, i, inside, luck, questioning, remark, superstition, umbrella, wonder

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on Instagram this month:

The ‘b’ in ‘subtle’ totally is.

37 shares on Telegram this month:

I think something is so beautifully wrong with you.

60 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Wine drunk doesn’t even make itself known. You’re just relaxed, and then, all of a sudden, you feel sexier.

33 shares on TikTok this month:

Any time I have ever uttered the phrase “no worries” I have been lying. There are many worries.

42 shares on WeChat this month:

I keep pressing the space bar, but I’m still on Earth.

41 shares on Threads this month:

I like when I walk with people and they note that I’m a fast walker. We’re in a race. We’re in a race and you’re losing actually.

40 shares on Snapchat this month:

Vaping always looked dumb. It looks like you’re smoking a kazoo, and now the lead poisoning is the cherry on top.

47 shares on Pinterest this month:

Naps are tricky. Either you wake up relaxed and refreshed, or you have a headache, a dry throat and no idea what year it is.

96 shares on YouTube this month:

I was at a funeral yesterday and spiced things up by walking over to complete strangers and saying “Ignore what everyone else thinks. I, personally, have no issue with you being here”.

76 shares on X this month:

Welcome to your 40’s: oh you like surprises? here’s another chin. Surprise!

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time we try to eat healthy, along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday, and ruins it for us.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I would just once like to feel as powerful as a toddler throwing their sippy cup whilst sitting atop their high chair.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent a day where you aren’t tired.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

When people talk about enriching their lives, I assume they’ve found a way to add more cheese.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the same bill I couldn’t afford to pay in a different color.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Is it better to beat someone to the punch or punch someone to the beat?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

According to “The Hobbit”, Gollum was once a handsome young man who was robbed of his youth, zest for life and energy by putting on a ring. Men, think about it!

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m already cold. I know me and my low iron ain’t gonna survive winter.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s so embarrassing when attention seekers feel the need to tell everybody it’s their birthday in, like, every conversation, which, for me, would be today, by the way.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,320

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

My bed has a stronger influence on me than my ambitions.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Got electrocuted while fixing the doorbell, and now I can hear my girlfriend’s thoughts. She’s thinking she should have called an electrician.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

All our dogs think we quit our jobs to spend more time with them. All our cats think we got fired for being lazy.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

When I say “I hate drama”, I mean I hate being involved in drama. Other people’s drama? Big fan!

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

I don’t flirt, I just say weird things and hope something sticks.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

If elves make shoes, cookies, and toys, why don’t we put them in charge of more stuff?

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Twitter hits different, cause it’s like the only social media app you can use effectively while playing music.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

It’s okay to embarrass yourself a little in the pursuit of human connection.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

I’m in a long-distance relationship with the stars.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

The next James Bond should be weird. Like he wears a train conductor’s hat and is afraid of balloons.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Typing in your email address on the TV is a different type of irritation.

Spotted on Threads:

Twitter is where the broken, the used, the fighters, and the lovers gather to appreciate the twisted beauty in one another.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Hotel elevators are hell for those of us who are small-talk failures. The guy asked me, “You just get in today too?” and I said, “Well, no,” then stood in silence.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Why do fish stink so much even though they bathe their whole lives?

Trending via Snapchat:

That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything, and all you can think is: “Act normal, you are innocent.”

Just shared via Telegram:

There should be an Amazon driver at the Mall during the holidays so adults can sit on their lap and tell them what they want.

Spotted on Slack:

Whenever a study shows excessive screen time causes brain damage I’m like “yeah, me know”.

Just landed via Instagram:

I wish I had a friend like me.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

People will love you. People will hate you. And none of it will have anything to do with you.

Just landed via Telegram:

I now also have a device that tells me whether I’ve taken enough steps today. If I don’t make it one day, it barks and poops in my apartment.

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