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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

I might be annoying, but at least my lock screen isn’t a selfie.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

(Flirting) What’s every single thing you’ve ever thought?

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Today marks a five year anniversary of how I’ll start going to the gym tomorrow.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

If you need me, I’ll be in the shower pretending I can sing.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

“I asked ChatGPT.” Okay, well, I asked Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Conflicts may arise but always remember to be the bitter person.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

I’ll kill the vibe, so you don’t have to.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Hair is unwashed, so I obviously feel like I’m fundamentally unlovable.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Books are so cool because there are no bloody ads in them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,546

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

When my wife packs for a trip she basically moves out.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

Just landed via Snapchat:

You do not have to prove your own humanity to others. Unless it’s a captcha.

Trending via Slack:

I don’t like talking to people with an IQ lower than the room temperature.

Spotted on X:

On the next episode of Hoarders, they visit my subconscious.

Seen just now on Instagram:

It got weird when I thought both arm rests at the movie theatre were mine.

Just shared via Reddit:

This too shall pass… It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Nobody is meaner to me than me. So take your shot.

Trending via LinkedIn:

The concept of a courtroom sketch artist is so funny to me. Here’s our little murder doodler.

Making waves on Instagram:

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24. I need more time to be ready for Monday.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

4 weeks ago

Witty text questioning evolution’s logic with a humorous take on mothers' hands.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Well, evolution might need to pick up the pace on that one and give moms a few extra hands to juggle all the chaos they deal with on a daily basis. Until then, moms will just have to rely on their superhuman multitasking skills to get through the day!"

evolution, hand, humor, irony, mother, parenting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on Instagram this month:

I wonder what the other me’s are up to in other dimensions.

11 shares on Snapchat this month:

Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.

70 shares on Facebook this month:

Unfortunately, I could never be nonchalant because I am not well in the head, and also my soul is on fire.

35 shares on Facebook this month:

Anything is free if you can outrun security. The more you know.

91 shares on Reddit this month:

If A-B-C-D didn’t take their sweet time in the alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to sprint every time.

39 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I want time to watch more films, but I also want time to read more books, but I also want time to look at more nothing.

87 shares on Discord this month:

Single for Christmas, but at least I won’t be buying presents for a liar.

11 shares on Facebook this month:

Every Friday, I’m like, “This weekend I’m getting my life together,” and then… I don’t.

69 shares on Slack this month:

I wish tree puns were more poplar.

80 shares on Telegram this month:

The meteorologist who devised the wind chill factor has died. He was 86, but he felt like 75.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Has anyone noticed what it’s beginning to look a lot like?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Girls will be like “it’s fine” then start drawing a pentagram in blood on their floorboards.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Single in the womb, single till the tomb!

9 folks are currently checking 👀

You can tell it’s desperate times the way spam messages have gone from fantasies like ‘I am a prince and I want to give you money’ to ‘I am an HR manager and I have a real job for you!’

16 folks are currently checking 👀

“Well, at least tomorrow is Friday.” -Me, having a bad Wednesday that’s about to get even worse.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Just emerged from my Y2K bunker. Everybody okay?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

You could be having a nice day and then somebody your own age says they bought a house.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Going to hack Kanye’s account and make him post something normal.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

In all the movies, Santa never goes to the house directly next door. He always gets in his sleigh and flies off like 20 miles east.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,285

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Even on the coldest of days, there’s such peace found in the warm embrace of a hot pizza.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

The art of staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Some 100 private jets will fly to Venice for Jeff Bezos’ wedding, and I recycle yoghurt cup lids.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

Establish dominance at work by drinking iced tea in a wine glass.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

“You’re at the age where both 1990 and 2003 are flirting with you.”

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Uber drivers have secret access to a streaming service of exclusively the worst music you’ve ever heard.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

There’s a famous ancient Chinese proverb, but it’s written in Chinese so I have no idea what it says.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Sorry I can’t have a pleasant, safe and affordable life, my government said no.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

Tonight we shall read a passage from the old testicle.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

You are not obligated to post a video of yourself dancing.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Can’t believe, as a kid, I thought 21-year-olds had their lives figured out.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Instagram should let you extend the run of one story for another 24 hours if the intended target didn’t see it.

Just landed via Discord:

Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

Just shared via Telegram:

I can’t believe I’m supposed to obey ALL the traffic laws ALL the time.

Making waves on Discord:

I’m opening a secret ice cream club called The Inside Scoop.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Did it hurt when you forgot your headphones and couldn’t romanticize your walk home?

Shared recently on Threads:

I don’t understand why judges get paid so much, others judge me for free.

Seen just now on Threads:

I drink so much coffee, people feel jittery when they see a picture of me.

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