If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

If I don’t text you saying Happy New Year, we still gang, I’m just lazy.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

There is a reason I’m single and it’s called my face.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

If I could turn water into wine, I’d have lots of followers too.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Even a broken shrimp fries rice twice a day.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Why is everyone looking for intelligent life in space? Can we please start on Earth first?

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Friends with benefits, but it’s just that they make delicious baked goods.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Kids today have it much easier. When I was growing up and something bad happened, we had to go outside and spread our misinformation in person.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

When you’re two beers in, and you realize she looks like God.