If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.

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The sexiest woman you know is trying to maintain her balance between insanity and genius.

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Netflix & by yourself.

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I’m at that point in my life where if a car hit me, I’d probably say thank you to the kind stranger.

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There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.

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I’m really good at compromising as long as I get my way.

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Hey, sorry I acted weird the other day. I was trying so hard to act normal that it backfired.

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If I’d married a wealthier man, I’d be lying on a fancier couch right now refusing to clean bigger rooms.

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People who own banana costumes will wear that shit to anything.

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Google AI is awesome because it kills the planet and doesn’t work.

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Jehovah’s Witnesses tell the worst knock knock jokes.