I’ll be honest. I can’t solve your problems. What I can do is create new, bigger problems that will make your current problems seem quaint by comparison.

31 shares on Threads this month:

I love people who refuse to follow the crowd. The crowd is always lost, follow your inner compass.

20 shares on Pinterest this month:

Too young to retire, too poor to quit and too fat to strip – so let’s move on.

15 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Hobosexual. A person who dates you with the sole interest of having a place to stay.

75 shares on Snapchat this month:

The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”

39 shares on Twitch this month:

I will never stop being a quitter!

66 shares on Pinterest this month:

Being called ‘my love’ is probably the cutest thing, like yes, that’s me. I’m the one you love. I’m the only one you love. I’m your love. Say it again.

81 shares on Discord this month:

I need to get my shit together, but at this point, I’m waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in.

43 shares on Pinterest this month:

When you have intense chemistry with someone, everyone else feels so bleh.

97 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Here’s a fun activity you can do with your kids on rainy days when they have too much energy: Go shopping and leave them at home with their dad.

17 shares on Facebook this month:

I learned Morse code, and then I couldn’t sleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.