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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

That fight could’ve been an email.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Clearly, hell is empty, the demons are all here.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Me, when a 25-year-old talks to me: please be patient with me, I’m from the 1900s.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Some people buy shoes to feel alive. I buy boarding passes.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Pinterest algorithm is like a loving dad who fills the whole fridge with oranges after seeing you enjoy one.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

I’m at the age where I see a huge, beautiful mansion in a movie and think, “How much does it cost to heat that house in the winter?”

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

People who ask “Can I call you” are so sweet. Like, obviously you cannot, but so sweet.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Women don’t apologize. They sleep naked and let you decide whether you are still angry or not.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Girls won’t admit it, but they don’t like super fine dudes; they like medium ugly, funny dudes that dress nice.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

My head is starting to get dented from hitting rock bottom so often.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,309

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on X:

I don’t think human beings were built to know everything going on in the world all the time.

Just shared via Facebook:

No matter what’s going on in your life, there’s some form of potato that can make it better.

Just landed via Telegram:

Hi, where do you meet someone without dating apps and if you never leave your apartment? I need tips, please. Urgently!

Breaking via Discord:

Tried to pull off a smokey eye, ended up looking like I went three rounds with McGregor.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Can hardly wait until my winter fat turns into spring rolls.

Trending via YouTube:

If you’re reading a book in public, you better be on at least page 140 or something.

Breaking via Threads:

Mothers be doing unnecessary housework and then get mad at you when they’re tired.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Airbnb should have an option if you just want to use someone’s bathroom for a few minutes.

Trending via Snapchat:

Sorry, boss, I can’t come into work today. I’m trying to capture the childlike joy of December.

Seen just now on Telegram:

My body can’t handle the stress of loving anyone romantically, ever.

I’m 45% coffee, 40% wine and 6% cheese.

2 months ago

0

I’m 45% coffee, 40% wine and 6% cheese.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, it sounds like someone's got their daily priorities sorted – coffee for the morning buzz, wine for the evening relaxation, and cheese for that delicious snack attack! 🍷☕️🧀 Looks like this person knows the key ingredients for a well-balanced *ahem* lifestyle!

40, 6, adulting, beverages, cheese, coffee, drinking, humor, percentages, wine

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If by ‘leg day’ you mean a day that we put your legs on my shoulders, then yes, I love leg day.

0

3 weeks ago

day, exercise, fitness, gym, humor, i, joke, leg, leg day, legs, love, mean, put, shoulders, workout, yes
If you love me, please don’t ask me to go camping with you.

0

2 months ago

ask, camping, humor, love, me, please, relationship
Did you seriously just pique my interest?

0

2 months ago

curiosity, expression, humor, interest, just, phrase, sarcasm, seriously, surprise
Girl, he’s nonchalant because he doesn’t like you. He’s definitely chalanting somewhere else.

0

2 months ago

chalanting, definitely, dislike, else, flirting, girl, humor, nonchalant, rejection, relationship, somewhere
I could tell my beard needed a trim when I started seeing some of the pictures my kids were drawing of me.

0

2 months ago

beard, drawing, humor, i, kids, me, parenting, pictures, seeing, self-awareness, tell, trim
With no training whatsoever, I took out myself and the other two people exiting the ski lift in one fell swoop.

0

2 months ago

accident, fall, humor, i, lift, mishap, myself, people, self, ski, ski lift, skiing, training

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on Facebook this month:

There aren’t enough rap songs about cutting coupons.

33 shares on Facebook this month:

I made a graph showing my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.

73 shares on X this month:

Why do coffee beans smell so good, and coffee breath is like bleh?

77 shares on Facebook this month:

I want this laziness removed from my body.

84 shares on Facebook this month:

I’ve taken a long, hard look at myself. I won’t be doing that again.

45 shares on TikTok this month:

Sorry for levitating at the end of your bed all night, I just think you’re really cute.

55 shares on WeChat this month:

I had a million opportunities to waste money this year, and I took them all. In fact, even when there wasn’t an opportunity, I created one.

69 shares on WeChat this month:

A weekend in a log cabin with a hot tub sounds perfect right now.

16 shares on Snapchat this month:

Imagine how organized the first person to write down a recipe must have been.

37 shares on Messenger this month:

Babies invented being in a bad mood for no reason, and they continue to innovate in the field.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

My kids are smart but sometimes they say dumb stuff like, “Mom, why do you always buy Snickers when you’re the only one who likes them?”

10 folks are currently checking 👀

My red flag is that I don’t make playlists on Spotify. I just add every song I’ve ever liked to the ‘Liked Songs’ playlist and shuffle that, like an iPod.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

You ever look at yourself on the self-checkout camera and think, “wow, I better write my will.”

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I wanna marry someone funnier than me, but sadly, I am the funniest.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t want kids, but I do want grandkids. Hoping science finds a way.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Did you guys hear about the “internet”? Apparently, you can say literally anything there.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

RIP to everyone killed by the Gods for their hubris, but I’m different. And better. Maybe even better than the Gods.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time I do something stupid, my dad stares at my mom like he wants a refund.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Has anybody else completely lost it or is it just me and Kanye?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m sorry for inventing the universe.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,406

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

It’s weird how horses can run so fast but still suck at every other sport.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

“So, what are your hobbies?” Oh, I can’t afford any.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

There’s never a good place to clip your toenails at the library.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Yeah, bro, she’s probably just not using her phone right now, for the first time ever in her whole life.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Do men know they don’t have to date if they’re not over their ex?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Divorcing my wife to focus on my porn addiction.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not dying, it’s just Thursday.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

So tomorrow is Monday again? I can’t keep living like this.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here pumping gas until the dollar amount ends with 0.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Eating dark chocolate is practically eating vegetables.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

If a door closes, you can just open it again. That is a door. Doors work like this.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Cars should come with a secondary smaller “sorry” horn for when you do something a lil silly by accident.

Live now on YouTube:

I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Political ads be like: send us money so we can send you more ads.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Everyone is all “love is patient” during the wedding, but when there’s a long line for the open bar, not so much.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Running to the boarding gate is my favorite workout.

Shared recently on WeChat:

The actors who signed on to that first Avatar movie have job security like no other in Hollywood.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

My retirement plan is time travel to the 80s.

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