I’m a comedian. My pronouns are ha/ha.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Why would I get married when it’s a well-known fact that only 50% of all marriages end in divorce?

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Who the hell keeps letting it be Monday again?

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

My fridge has brought more light into my life than most people.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Maybe your soulmate’s just late, like, wildly behind schedule.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

I be like, “Awwwww cows,” and then go and eat two double cheeseburgers, lol.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

For as long as that song was, you’d think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

My first rodeo and my last rodeo were the same rodeo.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Tonight I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed.

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Just peed so much that a little laugh came out.