I’m at that age where I can no longer refer to other people as “elderly.”

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Zoom is really only for one thing: realizing our dream of staring at ourselves while talking to other people.

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Painted a big H in my garden to see if I can trap a helicopter. Wish me luck!

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I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.

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If you’re tired of “food” and want to try something a bit more sophisticated, may I recommend “cuisine”?

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Now I know why my dad used to wake up at 4AM and just sit at the kitchen table for an hour.

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I’m so jealous of people who live near a coastal area. What do you mean you can just go to the beach on a random Tuesday?

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Being lazy has its advantages. I still have most of my winter fat from last year.

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Flies are literally obsessed with flying into a room, then pretending they can’t get out. Grow up.

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Fun fact: The US was originally not meant to be a reality TV show.

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Spotify has got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.