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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Laptops become possessed with slowness when they see that you are in a hurry.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

The amount of inappropriate thoughts I have is a little concerning.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Is this art or trash?

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

I’m sick of waking up thinking about the government, and going to bed thinking about the government.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Saving up ketchup packets in the fridge so I can one day open my own restaurant.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Remember when we were kids and did everything we could to grow up? We were so stupid!

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

When you’re talking to someone and you can tell they’re trying out a new word.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

This cannot be the cost of living after Jesus paid it all.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

It’s called a “sports car” because getting out of one after 40 is a physical event.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,675

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Stop hating yourself for everything. Be specific.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I swear every time I look up from my phone, it’s a different holiday.

Just shared via Facebook:

No, baby, I’m not dumping you. I’m just rebranding myself as your ex.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

My problem areas are my upper arms and earth.

Live now on WeChat:

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

“Is there anything else I can assist you with today?” No, just that one thing you couldn’t assist me with, thanks.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Just told my kids it’s illegal to have the light on while we’re driving. I will not break this cycle.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Microwaves have zero chill. We get it, time is up. Calm down.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Wife is temporary. Being the hot EX is forever.

I’m just going to flip this omelette… Okay, we’re having scrambled eggs.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like the omelette had other plans in mind – surprise, it's a scrambled egg kind of day! 🍳😄 Who says breakfast can't keep you on your toes?

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Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on Messenger this month:

I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t know if I’m pregnant or what, but I’ve been craving 3 million dollars so bad.

34 shares on Facebook this month:

Shut up brain, I wasn’t even talking to me.

70 shares on LinkedIn this month:

No kids at my wedding. Gonna Uber the flower girl home when she’s done.

28 shares on Telegram this month:

Women pretending not to see men staring at them is an essential survival skill.

74 shares on Twitch this month:

He likes when I shakalaka, so, woop, there it is.

36 shares on WeChat this month:

I feel sorry for non-glasses wearers. They’ll never know the joy of cleaning them and suddenly being upgraded to the UHD package.

43 shares on Threads this month:

I think that police officers on foot should wear blue flashing sneakers.

10 shares on WeChat this month:

What you call “Brunch” I call “Breakfast for Alcoholics.”

36 shares on Discord this month:

A 20% discount sounds great until you realize you can’t afford the other 80%

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Responding to any and all emails with ‘wow ok’

16 folks are currently checking 👀

HR: “Please complete our anonymous survey.” My boss then later: “Don’t forget the survey, HR said you are the last one from our team.”

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Looking over both shoulders before googling “Chinese burger.”

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Shade coming from a tree bearing no fruit could never phase me. Carry on.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Just cleaned my room in case Beyoncé was somewhere close to my house and her car broke down, and she needed somewhere to sleep.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when people set alarms and it wakes up everybody except for them.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

People tell introverts to talk more and get out of their comfort zone, but no one tells extroverts to shut up to make the zone comfortable.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My one cat vomited her dinner and then the other cat went in and started eating it. And that, my friends, is what ChatGPT is to me.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t “make friends”. I get adopted by extroverts and they make me do things.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,583

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Did you ever stop to ask how Mercury feels about being in retrograde? No, because you only think about yourself.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

I love when my friends have quiet boyfriends. Like, girl, your dog is so good, sis.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Real lovers are currently single, by the way.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

My whole life just flashed before my eyes and there was way too much pizza.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Met a microbiologist once. They’re a lot bigger than I imagined.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

I suck at flirting. I’ll be like “is that so?”

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

We’re living in increasingly unfergalicious times.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

At what age do people actually meet up to play bingo? I’m ready.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Some call it flirting… I call it just being extra nice to someone who is extra attractive…

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Mambo No. 5, but it’s in a minor key, and I’m naming women who didn’t text me back.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Messenger:

Come on, brain, release the happy chemicals.

Just landed via Facebook:

It’s funny how you can annoy unhappy people by remaining calm.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I voted for the candidate on the last yard sign I saw before pulling in. Slow children at play will lead us into the future.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat. It’s watching what other people eat.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

“Your password is too weak.” OK, well, I created him in my image.

Just shared via Slack:

At my age, I see no good reason to act my age.

Making waves on Instagram:

I hate it when some random company refers to me as their “customer.” I’m like, look, we had one night of drunken shopping, we are not in a relationship.

Going viral on TikTok:

My kids acting shocked there’s ants in my car like they’re not Hansel and Gretel leaving bloody crumb trails.

Just shared via Instagram:

Spewing nonsense online is the most fun a depressed person is allowed to have in these twisted times.

Just landed via X:

I’ve woken up yet again without an emotional support capybara.

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