I’m only an introvert until I meet people worth extroverting with.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

An app where you and your partner swipe left and right on restaurants until there’s a match. No talking, no negotiation. Who’s building this?

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

If we hadn’t made them extinct, instead of Kung Fu Panda we could have had Tae Kwon Dodo.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Digging my own grave, because I gotta do everything around here.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40s: here’s ten pounds.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

If only my bank balance was as high as my daily calorie intake.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

The cool thing about Twitter is you’re never the craziest one.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Ever think vampires just lied about hating garlic, now we’re just out here seasoning ourselves for them?

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

It’s all fun and games until your jeans don’t fit any more.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

How old were you when you realized others couldn’t see the matrix?