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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Forget about “long story short”… I’m gonna start saying “short story long,” and take you on a journey you didn’t ask for.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Ever thought about centaurs and how the bottom half would start walking immediately after birth but the top part would be baby-like and flop around for a while.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Obviously, I’m gonna upload pictures with filters and in my best angles. If you wanna see the ugly side of me, come to my house, but bring ice cream.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Hate when people ask “why is it called Silence of the Lambs?” Like, did you hear any lambs during the movie? Use your head!

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

Jan 1st: Avocado on whole grain toast with a protein shake. Jan 20th: Syrup comes from a tree so technically it’s a vegetable.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

January 1st: anything is possible. January 2nd: but not today.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

I’m just going to be hotter. It’s easier than being nicer.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

A garlic a day keeps people away.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

I’m broke — I got money, but it’s for responsibilities.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

People on Facebook be like “can anyone tell me about a thing I can easily Google myself?”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Jan 2, 2026

3,444

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Telegram:

You can just make up words and if you say them in a Scottish accent, people will think they’re real: Looka the wee janglers on that tary bibbit.

Breaking via Slack:

Your favorite little ball of silliness has logged in.

Just shared via Telegram:

Please don’t ask me about my dream job. I would never work in my dreams.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.

Shared recently on Slack:

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

Breaking via Twitch:

For a guy with no reflection, Dracula’s eyeliner is always flawless.

Seen just now on Messenger:

When a door closes in life, sometimes it’s better to grab a hammer and nails and make sure the damn thing stays shut.

Just shared via Slack:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you talk on speakerphone in public, everyone around you hates you.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Taking my heart off my sleeve, I fold it up neatly and carefully place it back inside my chest.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Netflix be like “we know exactly what movie you talkin’ ’bout but we ain’t got it lol”.

In banana years, I am bread.

2 months ago

0

In banana years, I am bread.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the classic existential crisis of bananas and bread 🍌🍞. One must ponder the ripe wisdom and toasty experience that comes with advancing in banana years while feeling as dependable as a loaf of bread. It's a carb-heavy journey, indeed! 🤔😄

absurdity, age, am, banana, bread, food, humor, i, year’s

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Dating apps are no place for meeting your soulmate. The best way to find your soulmate is to tweet really good.

0

2 months ago

app, apps, best, communication, dating, dating app, good, humor, media, meeting, place, social, social media, soulmate, tweet
Therapy isn’t enough. I need to run my brain through the dishwasher.

0

2 months ago

brain, dishwasher, health, humor, i, mental, mental health, need, relief, run, stress, stress relief, therapy
Pilot is one of the few jobs where you can get fired for going above and beyond.

0

2 months ago

above, aviation, beyond, fired, firing, going, going above and beyond, humor, job, jobs, pilot, profession, where, workplace
Go ahead and get some sleep, everyone. I’ll stay up and handle the overthinking.

0

2 months ago

ahead, everyone, handle, health, humor, insomnia, mental, mental health, night, overthinking, procrastination, self-awareness, sleep, stay
I’m only an introvert until I meet people worth extroverting with.

0

2 months ago

connection, extrovert, i, introvert, meet, people, personality, social, worth
Probably the most empowered I’ve ever felt was that time I stuck a fork in a socket.

0

2 months ago

behavior, electricity, empowerment, ever, fork, humor, i, irony, risky, risky behavior, socket, time, unexpected

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on X this month:

My biggest fear is waking up and being in the Renaissance era or something. Imagine having the knowledge of hot dogs but lacking the tools to make them.

45 shares on YouTube this month:

When I say “the other day”, it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.

40 shares on X this month:

Breaking up is fine, but logging me out of your Netflix is crazy.

69 shares on Discord this month:

I never used to worry about death but now I’m terrified it will break my winning Wordle streak.

40 shares on X this month:

Ah yes, my abandonment issues due to all the abandonment.

70 shares on YouTube this month:

The year flies by when you’re scrolling.

78 shares on Slack this month:

How are there low birth rates when everyone here is a big baby?

55 shares on Discord this month:

Marriage is for life. But when that was first said, life was shorter.

43 shares on WeChat this month:

Yoga is just slow motion breakdancing.

14 shares on Instagram this month:

How long are you allowed to hide in the bathroom during family visits?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I never get as envious of parents as I do when their baby starts crying and they get to leave the event.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Juggling screen time is the ultimate multitasking Olympics.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Gonna finish eating all these Christmas cookies so I’m no longer tempted to eat them.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is everyone looking for intelligent life in space? Can we please start on Earth first?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

We should start referring to age as “levels.” So when you’re level 80, it sounds a lot cooler than just being an older person.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry about all of the correct stuff I said when I was right.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is Saturday over in 7 minutes and Sunday in 4 minutes, but Monday is 84 months long?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Dinosaurs are always described as “roaming” the earth, which is patronizing as hell, I bet they had places to go and important shit to do.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent a day where it all works out.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Your honor, my client doesn’t like jail.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,425

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

Most people have 32 teeth. Some have 10. Simple meth.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

If you can’t handle me at my weirdest, then leave, because it gets weirder.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

I never thought I would say this, and it took me a while to come to terms, but I think I ate too much bacon.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Don’t scare me, I fart easily.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Walmart was wild as hell today, so I fit right in.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Aubrey Plaza is like an alien who went to earth to study us but accidentally got famous and can’t leave.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Another day waiting, and wishing, and wanting.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Perfume is key, but deodorant is keyer and showering is keyest.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Going to ask seven friends for advice and then execute my original plan.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Just paid rent. Now I have a place to starve in.

Trending via Pinterest:

Gender and sexuality aside, I believe everyone just wants someone who wears short shorts and makes a lot of noise in bed.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

My husband keeps borrowing and losing my tweezers, so I’m naming this chin hair after him.

Just landed via Messenger:

No, baby, I’m not dumping you. I’m just rebranding myself as your ex.

Making waves on Facebook:

Don’t give up, keep going. There are still so many disappointments waiting for you.

Breaking via Facebook:

Probably the most humiliating thing that can happen when you die is that you come back as a fitted-sheet ghost.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Nothing more rude than taking a photo of yourself and it looking like how you actually look, and not how you look inside your head.

Going viral on Facebook:

Coffee doesn’t solve all my problems. But it definitely stops me from constantly creating new ones.

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