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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

My retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding a buried treasure at some point.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

All soups are gazpacho if you’re lazy enough.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Netflix needs to stop asking if I’m still watching and start asking if I moved the laundry to the dryer yet.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

People thinking you’re dumb is one of the best advantages you can have.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

It’s all fun and games until your jeans don’t fit any more.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

That moment of panic when they invite you inside at the start of the birthday party you thought was a drop off.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Just saw the fattest bird. This guy must get up early as hell.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Let’s take a family trip in this beautiful weather so the kids can complain about family, trips, and beautiful weather that has no wifi.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

You know you’re mature when you go to the dentist and you are no longer afraid of pain, but of how much it costs.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Whoever named the grapefruit when there was already a fruit named grape. Incompetent legend. I wish we could hang out.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,605

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

My dog just tracked and successfully located a folium lanceolatum, more commonly known as a leaf.

Just shared via Facebook:

Hey, I’ve been thinking, and I think you should think for me.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Armed robbers are so weird. Why are you beating me when I don’t have money?

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Fake laughing with customers is actually a job skill.

Going viral on Reddit:

Welcome to your 40’s: you get excited about avocados now.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Let’s get married and have kids, so instead of relaxing during weeknights, we can go to seven practices and relearn algebra.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I’m not a good fit for the traditional job market because my greatest strengths are challenging authority, being self-righteous, and wanting to go home.

Going viral on WeChat:

I’m still repaying karmic debt from that time I was 12 and gave the middle finger to a cow at the state fair.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Growing your own tomatoes really is the best way to devote 3 months of your life to saving $2.17.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

AI is trained on what we write, so if we want to save our jobs we should all write really badly for a while. I’ve been doing my bit for years.

Is it ‘My wife and I’ or ‘Me and my wife’? Anyway, we just robbed a liquor store.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like they may need some grammar lessons, but more importantly, some ethics lessons! 🤭🥂 #GrammarFail #CriminalMinds

couple, crime, grammar, humor, i, just, liquor, liquor store, me, robbery, store, wife

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m trying to quit making sexual innuendos but it’s so hard.

0

2 months ago

comedy, hard, humor, innuendo, joke, making, quit, sexual, sexuality, struggle, trying
I’m really into writing short fiction, mainly to-do lists.

0

2 months ago

creative, creative writing, fiction, humor, joke, list, lists, productivity, short, short fiction, to-do, to-do list, writing
Of course I look tired, it’s hard pretending to be awake.

0

2 months ago

awake, course, daily, daily life, exhaustion, hard, humor, i, irony, life, pretending, sarcasm, tired
When you have intense chemistry with someone, everyone else feels so bleh.

0

2 months ago

attraction, bleh, chemistry, else, everyone, feelings, feels, intense, relationship, someone
I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

0

2 months ago

alcohol, drugs, fact, going, humor, i, kids, lessons, life, life lessons, parenting, realization, repercussions, warning
Psych meds aren’t enough anymore. Hit me with a shovel.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, coping, enough, exaggeration, health, hit, humor, me, meds, mental, mental health, psych, psych meds, shovel

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on Facebook this month:

Someone from Facebook Marketplace is coming over to either buy the chairs I have for sale, or to murder me.

90 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My soulmate probably seen my posts and deleted me.

92 shares on Slack this month:

Flex on strangers by asking them if they remember you.

15 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s truly insane when bosses assume their employees are working for any reason other than a paycheck.

64 shares on Snapchat this month:

Are you bad wifi, cause im feeling no connection here.

96 shares on Discord this month:

At first I’m shy, then I’m a podcast.

68 shares on Discord this month:

I’m nearly qualified to be a weaver. My final exam is looming.

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

Relationship status: my sex robot filed a restraining order.

45 shares on Messenger this month:

Spice up your anxiety attack by playing the Jaws theme song.

48 shares on Facebook this month:

That “meeting canceled” ping is a gift from the Gods.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

That was a nice hour long Twitter scroll. Feel much worse as always. See you guys tomorrow.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

I need a leaf blower, but for people.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

I wish I could be as excited about being awake as my dog is about me being awake.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures – it’s my face.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

HR has told me to stop saying ‘How stupid can you be?’ to members of staff. They’re worried it’s being taken as a challenge.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Earth is hard.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Most insane people live outside of madhouses.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Ever think vampires just lied about hating garlic, now we’re just out here seasoning ourselves for them?

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

It’s way too easy to lie online. I was just telling Beyoncé about that the other day.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

People just don’t build cities on rock and roll anymore.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

If I had 50¢ for every math test I’ve failed, I’d have $7.20.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I’ve decided that I need to eat more vegetables, so I’m gonna make a carrot cake later.

Just shared via Twitch:

I would do absolutely anything to get 8 hours of sleep, except for going to bed 8 hours before I need to wake up.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I love the smell of freshly brewed delusions in the morning.

Going bananas on Threads:

I want to text this person, but I need to have shame and self-respect.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I was in a good mood until I realized not only was it not Friday it wasn’t even Thursday.

Just landed via Twitch:

Getting a girlfriend is actually very easy, you just have to spin a basketball on your finger.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

How to write complaints: “Dear customer service, first of all, you should know that I am typing this with my middle finger.”

Spotted on Pinterest:

It infuriates me that computer Scrabble doesn’t get mad when I win even though I’m livid when it wins.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Is it ‘My wife and I’ or ‘Me and my wife’? Anyway, we just robbed a liquor store.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I’m trying to quit making sexual innuendos but it’s so hard.

I’m really into writing short fiction, mainly to-do lists.

Of course I look tired, it’s hard pretending to be awake.

When you have intense chemistry with someone, everyone else feels so bleh.

I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

Psych meds aren’t enough anymore. Hit me with a shovel.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨