Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Have kids so you can live in a house full of people who can’t find anything.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Sorry I missed your call when I pressed decline.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

Genies are a myth perpetuated by creepy lamps who just want to get rubbed more.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

I have a huge to-do list, I just have to figure out who’s gonna do it.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Remember when Mustangs were muscle cars and not an embarrassment to the name.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Once you book a trip, it becomes hard to focus on life.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Weird me out? No. You’ve weirded me in. Let’s merge souls.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,635

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

Got sent to HR for calling someone a “jellyfish” — just floating around all day, doing absolutely nothing.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Divorce is so weird. Why do I have an ex-aunt?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

The best part about NYC is you literally see a brand new, hottest woman in your entire life every single day.

Live now on Snapchat:

Anyone else’s phone make a retching noise when you unlock it with Face ID?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

Trending via Discord:

Today, I’m wearing pink to raise awareness for people like me who forget to separate their red laundry from their whites.

Seen just now on Twitch:

70% of marriage is yelling “What” from a different room.

Making waves on Instagram:

Floating on a rock in space, but yeah – 9 to 5 sounds reasonable.

Just landed via Instagram:

Time needs a speed limit.

Making waves on WeChat:

Obsessed with how Siri just doesn’t work at all, ever.

It’s always fun listening to someone’s lie when you already know the truth.

0
It’s always fun listening to someone’s lie when you already know the truth.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the sheer joy of nodding along to a tall tale, knowing full well it's coated in shimmering layers of deception 🎭🤥! It's like watching a magician pull a rabbit out of a hat, except we're the ones waving our imaginary wands and whispering "Abracadabra, fib away" 😂🎩! It's the lie that keeps on giving, isn't it? The gift that never disappoints 🎁🙊!

, , , , , , , , ,

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Snapchat this month:

The thief who stole my iPhone could face time.

40 shares on Messenger this month:

So we have actual fact checkers who know all the facts? Why not create a TV channel where they just give us the facts? We could call it the News.

87 shares on YouTube this month:

I’ve reached a point in my life where if I can’t find parking, I’m just going to go home.

77 shares on X this month:

Parenting sometimes feels like you’re an elevator. Lots of ups and downs and the kids love to push your buttons.

85 shares on Messenger this month:

There is a reason I’m single and it’s called my face.

54 shares on Instagram this month:

They should have a special lane for texting and driving.

100 shares on TikTok this month:

Situationships are just you pretending you’re okay with getting used until they find someone they actually like.

64 shares on WeChat this month:

It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

87 shares on WeChat this month:

Yes, I was behind the DJ booth, but only as a cultural anthropologist.

28 shares on WhatsApp this month:

They don’t put cars in malls anymore, like they used to.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Of course, I also put my mobile down from time to time. For example, when someone tries to call me.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting excited to go to bed is a different level of adulting.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Let’s tell the truth cell phone. I don’t have six missed calls. I have six ignored calls.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

During winter, it’s either lazy starvation or eight thousand calories in one sitting.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Who develops the algorithm? I want to speak to the manager.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Went on a date with a guy who didn’t ask me any questions about myself, so it’s on him when he finds out about my husband.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Everything is dishwasher safe if you don’t care enough about it.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Someone asked, “Can I bum a scroll?” because they deleted Instagram off their phone.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Dentists get rich by staring into your mouth for 30 seconds, playing sinking ships with their assistant, and then telling you to brush better.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone’s an empath until I need to borrow some cash.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,291

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

I could low-key really use a wish right now.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

God knew I would be too powerful if I had conversation skills.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

I heard time is money, so I quit my job. Now I have lots of time!

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

It’s like winter is mad and keeps storming out, then coming back yelling ‘and another thing!’

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

If I had a boyfriend, I’d put him in a snow globe and shake it really hard.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

I’m so bored, I’m gonna join a poly-relationship and stage a coup and kick the main one out.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

How can vampires enjoy drinking our hot blood in the summer and other thoughts that keep me up at night.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Pinterest:

I stay away from beef-flavored cat food. At no point could Sylvia realistically bring down a cow, and I don’t need that kind of ego in the house.

Going viral on Reddit:

One thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m dumb.

Trending via Reddit:

I’m sorry I pretended I was dead when I saw you in public.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Boy, are you a piñata? Because I have an overwhelming urge to beat you with a stick.

Shared recently on Slack:

Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.

Spotted on Threads:

Life is so exciting. I was in my bedroom and now I’m in the living room. Who knows where I’ll go next.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here hating myself.

Breaking via X:

Ugh, but profoundly.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Asserting dominance by starting all my private DMs with “I hope this DM finds you well.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Why there is always a kid crying when I go to the store? Dude, you aren’t the one paying for it. Stop!

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴