It’s always “you’re so cute when you’re mad,” until the house is on fire.

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No one knows what I’m up to, not even me.

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May your coffee kick in, before reality does.

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I don’t jump to conclusions, I cannonball into them like a boss.

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Wanna perform obscene blood rituals under the full moon, or nah?

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I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.

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Carrots are a great thing to eat when you’re hungry, and want to stay that way.

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I used to look for monsters under the bed. Today I know they are behind some people’s fake smiles.

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There are two classes of travel: first class and with children.

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I’m one of those lucky people that can eat whatever they want and not put on any clothes.

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When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little mysteries you get to solve later on.