Life is like bread. It gets hard at some point.

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People on diet aren’t mad at you. They’re mad at their lunch.

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Y’all smell that? A beautiful day that the Lord has made.

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When buying presents I like to think, what would Jesus have got you? So yeah, enjoy your fish sandwich.

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Someone needs to invent a kid that listens the first time.

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Friends with consequences.

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Why hasn’t Lululemon created a bra-line named Lulumelons?

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You can learn a lot about a person by observing their every waking movement from a tree outside their house.

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Do we lazy people actually go to heaven? Or are we being picked up?

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75% of being a divorce lawyer is just answering emails from clients saying, “No. No. No. You absolutely cannot do that, no.”

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Sick of people thinking the Midwest is just a bunch of small towns and cornfields when they forgot it’s also a lot of road construction, inconsistent weather, and deer that jump in front of your car.