BRIGHTON—Local man Greg Thompson has discovered profound joy by openly appreciating his limbs in a speech at his birthday party. “I’d like to thank my arms for always being by my side, and my legs for their unwavering support,” he began, leaving guests wondering if they had boarded the wrong ride at an amusement park for sentiment.
Witnesses reported that Thompson’s gratitude extended to his fingers, which he praised for being his “reliable accounting team.” Friend Sarah joked, “I think he was about to thank his hair for keeping a lid on things until the wind blew him off course.” Several attendees considered consulting a metaphysical specialist for Greg.
Following his inspiring revelations, Thompson was seen buying a thank-you card for his nose. “I’m exploring new depths of gratitude,” he said as he penned lined paper, “Hard-pressed not to acknowledge my ears for always hearing me out. Men like us are nose heroes, listening to our own monotonies unflinchingly.”