MANCHESTER—Enterprising local man Gary Simmons has installed a room full of mirrors to conclusively prove that he is constantly surrounded by ‘complete and utter losers.’ “I’ve always suspected as much, but now I have evidence,” Gary explained. Neighbors report he spends hours in the room, tirelessly verifying his theory.

With mounting admiration for his own ingenuity, Gary claimed his setup offers unparalleled convenience. “It’s like hosting a party, but only the people I trust nod back at me,” Simmons boasted. His family expressed a mixture of concern and bemusement at his newfound hobby, noting it took mirror selfies to “an extreme level.”

Local psychologists are allegedly intrigued by Gary’s relentless commitment to his social experiment. “It’s a stunning display of narcissistic innovation,” Dr. Alice Trent commented. As of press time, Simmons was last seen being interviewed by news crews in his mirrored kingdom, declaring victory over his imagined competition with complete conviction.