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I love when certain people post their dating app convos, and you get to see what a conversation between two really boring people looks like.

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At the gym, everyone thinks exclusively about how little weight I can lift and how quickly I’m out of breath, because the world revolves around me.

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Girlfriend says because we got Chinese yesterday, we can’t get it again today. I don’t think that makes sense. They do it in China all the time.

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Hey, I’ve been thinking, and I think you should think for me.

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Some people are like sunglasses: your day just becomes so much brighter when you accidentally drop them off the side of the boat.

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Itโ€™s funny how cats have ears on top of their head, but don’t use them.

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Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let’s be positive here.

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I accidentally bought a pair of nose-cancelling headphones and now my glasses keep falling off.

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Camping: When you spend a small fortune to live like somebody poor.

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Dates are weird, like, okay I guess Iโ€™ll dress up for my romantic interview.

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Maybe women decided to convince men that beards were sexy because they were sick of cleaning the washbasin after he shaved.

Maybe women decided to convince men that beards were sexy because they were sick of cleaning the washbasin after he shaved.

Commentary:
"Plot twist: Women created the beard trend so they wouldn't have to deal with beard trimmings in the washbasin anymore! ๐Ÿง”๐Ÿšซ๐Ÿ’ฆ #GeniusPlan #NoMoreCleanup"



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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has downloaded:

Going on dates is hard because do I like them or do I just have sooo much fun being me.

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Depression is embarrassing because sometimes it makes you miss appointments and not return phone calls, and when the fog starts to lift, you gotta do a whole bloody apology tour.

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Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the first twelve digits of pi.

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When I die, I hope it’s early in the morning, so I don’t have to go to work that day for no reason.

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If I were God, Iโ€™d tell everyone that I created the animals and that I donโ€™t know what happened after that.

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My therapist is so lucky. Iโ€™m like a Netflix Original that pays her to watch.

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I donโ€™t think Iโ€™d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

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Iโ€™m so talented I can not only spill food on my clothes but I can get it on yours too.

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I love all the Winter Olympic events, sliding downhill on a piece of wood, sliding downhill on two pieces of wood, sliding downhill in a piece of wood. All amazing.

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Are you ever in the mood to get hit by a car and spend like one month in the hospital?

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