Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

An escape room, but it’s a bean bag chair in a hammock on a water bed in a bouncy house and you’re over 40. Good luck!

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Call your family now and ask them what the wifi password is, so they have time to find the little paper it’s written on before Thanksgiving.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Live, laugh, lie to the doctor about how many drinks you have per week.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

All I do is go to work, come home, blink and suddenly I’m back at work.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Saturday nights are for watching zombie shows and dreaming about the apocalypse.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

I typed my name into Google’s search bar and it immediately auto-filled to “Doesn’t even listen to instructions” before crashing under the weight of disappointed search results.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

About to watch Tenet for the first time and I enjoyed it.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

People in glass houses shouldn’t throw orgies.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

I’m only staying up until midnight on New Year’s to watch that bloody year die.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Nothing worse than realising you vented to the wrong person.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,451

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

Can I just skip to the part in my life where I’m rich and happily in love?

Trending via Telegram:

I replaced my old flat pillow that hurt my neck with a new fat fluffy pillow that hurts my neck.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I hope my email finds you enraged.

Going viral on Discord:

I’ve got midlife crises older than you.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Just because I’m smiling doesn’t mean I like you, I might be picturing you on fire.

Spotted on YouTube:

Best time to reach me is when I’m at work. Don’t bother me when I’m at home.

Just shared via Messenger:

If you ever think English is not a weird language just remember that read and lead rhyme and read and lead rhyme. But read and lead don’t rhyme, and neither do read and lead.

Making waves on Discord:

Making a grown man kiss his camera on Facetime.

Going viral on Discord:

“I’m sure it’ll turn up” – Translation: I’m bored of helping you look.

Trending via X:

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s being annoyed by stupidity.

My card got declined at the barbershop so they put all the hair in my mouth and squeezed me until it came out of my head.

2 months ago

0

My card got declined at the barbershop so they put all the hair in my mouth and squeezed me until it came out of my head.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh no, that's some next-level beauty payment plan right there! 💳💇‍♂️ Maybe next time they could offer a hair-raising discount instead? Or a free hair styling session for the inconvenience? Just make sure to check your balance before hitting the salon – you don't want unexpected hair-raising experiences! 🤣 #BadHairDay #CreditCrunch

barbershop, came, card, declined, embarrassment, hair, head, humor, me, mouth, put, squeezed

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I am never hungrier than when I leave the dentist and told I can’t eat right away.

0

2 months ago

am, away, dentist, eat, eating, food, humor, hunger, i, irony, leave, never, restriction, right, told
I need a new hobby that costs zero dollars and takes up 100% of my free time. So far, all I’ve come up with is mowing the lawn.

0

5 months ago

activity, cost, costs, dollars, free, free time, hobby, i, lawn, management, mowing, need, new, time, time management, zero
I passed my genetic engineering exam with flying koalas.

0

2 months ago

engineering, exam, flying, genetic, genetic engineering, humor, i, koala, success
A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.

0

2 months ago

daddy, gender-neutral, glucose, guardian, humor, joke, relationship, sugar, wordplay
Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It’s like Facebook in real life.

0

2 months ago

Facebook, glasses, life, people, social media, sunglasses
You don’t scare me. You’re not those two minutes when I can’t find my wallet.

0

2 months ago

fear, humor, i, me, minutes, panic, scare, two minutes, wallet

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on YouTube this month:

I think my wife has got early Alzheimer’s. Every day she tells me that she has no idea what she first saw in me.

97 shares on Threads this month:

The audacity of my parents’ oldies station now playing 80s music.

92 shares on TikTok this month:

I have the patience of a nearly ripe avocado.

32 shares on Twitch this month:

Sometimes I wonder if the plot ever gets tired of being twisted.

17 shares on Snapchat this month:

Life on other planets be like: “I hope those lunatics don’t discover us!”

97 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I was actually about to do a workout when the couch threw itself protectively under me.

67 shares on Instagram this month:

If history repeats itself, I’m getting a pet dinosaur.

71 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It’s called shitposting, Your Honor. You should try it sometimes; it’s liberating.

35 shares on Telegram this month:

My nickname in high school was “who?”

85 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Can the AI bubble just pop already? Everyone hates this crap.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Bon Jovi must be at least 3/4 of the way there by now.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people stay in the past because that’s where they peaked.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

This year has been the perfect blend between me losing my mind and having the time of my life.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I trust an insult more than I do a compliment.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people’s high horses are actually donkeys.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Okay, that’s enough todaying for today.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

“Your boos mean nothing to me. I’ve seen what you cheer.” Is a goated doctrine. If Rick and Morty gave us anything, it gave us that.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear brain, please finally learn the difference between hunger and boredom. I’m getting fat.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, no.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,457

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Of course, a wife can complain to her mother-in-law. She has every right to complain to the manufacturer.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

The more stupid the views, the harder it is to talk people out of them.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

I be like, “Awwwww cows,” and then go and eat two double cheeseburgers, lol.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

My life changed when I learned some house spiders can’t survive outside, so now I just catch them and release them in a friend’s home.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

You cannot trust me at a zoo because I’ll release the animals.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Single for Christmas, but at least I won’t be buying presents for a liar.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Do you think they’re called cough drops because when you cough really hard they drop out of your mouth onto the floor?

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

I think you’re like the cat’s meow, annoying yet sweet.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Have you ever been sitting around overthinking about overthinking, and then wonder why you’re even thinking that?

Spotted on Facebook:

Gonna waterboard my houseplants so they know who’s the boss.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

That pile of clothes on my bed, seems to have strange powers and gets higher on its own.

Live now on YouTube:

If I walk into a girl’s house and she got like 50 plants, I know she’s a keeper because she already takes care of a bunch of useless things. What’s one more?

Going viral on WhatsApp:

The only thing that drains faster than my phone battery is my bank account.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Soccer: I love when they hold up the sign and a brand new, beautiful boy takes the place of a dirty, sweaty, ruined one.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I wonder how biology explains that pain in your chest you get when you found out your partner cheated on you.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I drink all this water and for what. Just to pee? This planet is a prison.

Breaking via Threads:

Future generations will never have to live in unprecedented times, because we’re precedenting the Hell out of everything right now.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴