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Commentary:
"Well, nothing says 'Texas charm' quite like a warm slice of toast with a side of chainsaw massacres. Just make sure to butter your bread before revving up that chainsaw!"

chainsaw, favorite, humor, massacre, quirky, stereotype, Texa, things, toast

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If your family starts fighting on Thanksgiving, go live.

0

1 month ago

advice, celebration, conflict, family, fighting, holiday, humor, live, relationship, survival, Thanksgiving
Adulting: unlocking life’s mysteries, one therapy session at a time.

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5 months ago

adulting, health, humor, life, mental, mental health, mystery, self-care, session, therapy, time
My wheelchair keeps making a screaming noise when I run over people.

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2 months ago

dark, dark humor, funny situation, humor, i, making, mobility, noise, over, people, run, screaming, screaming noise, situation, wheelchair
My favorite part about talking to my teens is when they give me direct eye contact, listen intently, nod understandingly and then do the exact opposite of what I just said.

0

2 months ago

advice, communication, contact, contradiction, direct, eye, eye contact, favorite, frustration, give, humor, i, just, listen, listening, me, opposite, parenting, talking, teens, understanding
Twitter actually is my diary, so you’re not allowed to get mad at the things I post. You’re not even supposed to be reading this. Why were you going through my stuff?

0

2 months ago

diary, even, going, humor, i, mad, media, post, privacy, reading, social, social media, stuff, things, Twitter
How long do you actually have to wear a muscle shirt until you get muscles?

0

2 months ago

fitness, humor, irony, muscle, muscle shirt, muscles, patience, shirt, wear, workout

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

83 shares on X this month:

I love how these vegans still drink water. That’s a fish’s house!

10 shares on Facebook this month:

The only recipes they have online are where I’m the one who’s supposed to buy all this stuff and then make it. That’s not what I’m looking for.

49 shares on Discord this month:

My reality check bounced, guess I’ll have to stay insane for the time being.

47 shares on TikTok this month:

Donuts hug you from the inside.

20 shares on Snapchat this month:

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

15 shares on WeChat this month:

Raising a teenager is like nailing pudding to the wall.

23 shares on Twitch this month:

That bourbon chicken from the mall only tastes good on that toothpick. You order it, and it’s not the same, I swear.

90 shares on Pinterest this month:

Handyman to customer: If I had wanted you to watch me work, I would have become an actor.

53 shares on YouTube this month:

Absolutely no reason for a single guy to be in a sunflower field. Get out of there, pervert!

37 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t understand baby oil. What are we greasing up all those babies for?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

I don’t like people driving fast—that’s the reason why I overtake them.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Bursting into a million bats the second I see you.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re doing cardio.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Going “Omgg, that’s crazy,” every time my coworkers talk until it’s time to go home.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

What’s a beginner hobby for someone just getting into being happy?

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

In my 20’s: I want to find true love. In my 40’s: I just want a toaster that gets me.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

The cool thing about Twitter is you’re never the craziest one.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

I’m instantly 70% nicer after 3 p.m. on Fridays.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

You look like you suck at Mario Kart.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

You hit a couple of curbs, take out a trash can and all of a sudden it’s “you can’t drive”.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

I hated rats even before my girlfriend left me for one.

Going viral on Twitch:

I hope this email kills us both.

Spotted on Slack:

Back in the good old days, we didn’t have to trim our toenails, they just got wore down naturally from running from dinosaurs.

Making waves on TikTok:

Hey, people, my age. Remember going into the computer lab at school?

Seen just now on Twitch:

Carrots are a great thing to eat when you’re hungry, and want to stay that way.

Making waves on Facebook:

Can’t, I’m raging against the machine.

Making waves on Instagram:

That depressing moment when you pull up to work and the building is not engulfed in flames.

Seen just now on X:

The best thing about living with my parents is being woken up four minutes before my alarm to be told my alarm is about to go off.

Breaking via Instagram:

No matter how busy my Sunday gets, I always manage to set aside time to panic about Monday.

Seen just now on Slack:

I be like “communication is the key” then put my phone on do not disturb.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My favorite things about Texas are definitely toast and chainsaw massacres.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

If your family starts fighting on Thanksgiving, go live.

Adulting: unlocking life’s mysteries, one therapy session at a time.

My wheelchair keeps making a screaming noise when I run over people.

My favorite part about talking to my teens is when they give me direct eye contact, listen intently, nod understandingly and then do the exact opposite of what I just said.

Twitter actually is my diary, so you’re not allowed to get mad at the things I post. You’re not even supposed to be reading this. Why were you going through my stuff?

How long do you actually have to wear a muscle shirt until you get muscles?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨