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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Preparing for my beach vacation by watching Jaws.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

People who have apartment windows that face the street and put their Christmas trees in them, thank you for your service.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

When gearing up for a mountain climbing adventure it is important to remember to no.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

I knew I had issues when motivational speakers started to irritate me.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Muting morons is good for your health.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

New COVID variant subscribes you to random podcasts.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

At some point in life, you graduate from Family Guy to American Dad.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Lost another rap battle by just agreeing with everything the other guy said.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Bank account nice and empty. Starting the new month on a clean slate.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

21 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,290

Funny Quotes Topics

17,410

Funny Quotes Images

15,290

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,449

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Free will: where you get to choose your own adventure … and regret it.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Have kids so you can live in a house full of people who can’t find anything.

Seen just now on Slack:

I’m already cold. I know me and my low iron ain’t gonna survive winter.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Twitter is fun. You kinda just talk to yourself and sometimes someone replies.

Trending via Messenger:

Please don’t use fear to manipulate me. Much more effective to use cake.

Going bananas on Telegram:

The gaps in my resume are from the space bar.

Trending via YouTube:

Being a consultant would be fun. Like “hmmm… maybe! Here’s your invoice.”

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Egg nog was invented in Germany back in 1816 when Baron von Heldebrandt reportedly said “Hey guys, let’s get this custard drunk!”

Going viral on X:

The day they handed out patience, I left because it was taking too long.

Spotted on Slack:

Therapy should be free and accessible because getting traumatized is free and accessible.

Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Well, who needs alcohol for a little dose of stupidity anyway? Some of us are naturally gifted in that department!"

alcohol, brag, confidence, humor, i, need, self-deprecation, stupid

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sorry, I ghosted you. I just felt like you were gonna ghost me, so I did it first.

0

6 months ago

apology, communication, ghost, ghosted, ghosting, humor, i, interaction, just, me, relationship, social, social interaction, sorry
To my beloved wife, I leave my circus and my monkeys.

0

2 months ago

beloved, circus, i, leave, wife
I love tennis but never really been clear why they need a lifeguard.

0

2 months ago

activity, clear, confusion, fun, fun activity, humor, i, lifeguard, love, need, never, sport, tennis
People keep wishing January was over like the worst month of the year isn’t coming up next. Thats like wishing someone would stop arguing with you and just punch you in the face.

0

2 months ago

arguing, argument, coming, face, humor, January, just, keep, month, next, over, people, punch, sarcasm, someone, stop, wishing, worst, year
Plot Twist: Your taxes cheated on you.

0

2 months ago

cheat, humor, plot, plot twist, ta, tax, twist
Having no one to talk would get you a good sleeping schedule.

0

2 months ago

alone, alone time, good, having, humor, peace, rest, schedule, sleeping, sleeping schedule, solitude, talk, talking, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on Twitch this month:

The world is such a beautiful place when you don’t think too hard about it or look around.

83 shares on Messenger this month:

Google Maps should start screaming the more wrong turns you make.

99 shares on YouTube this month:

If I had The Force, I’d just use it to open pistachios.

32 shares on Slack this month:

I want to run through your dreams and settle in your nightmares.

24 shares on WeChat this month:

Before marriage, I would sit at a stoplight for hours because I had no one to tell me the light had changed to green.

83 shares on YouTube this month:

Please try to schedule meetings around my need for attention.

45 shares on Snapchat this month:

I always tell my kids that it’s okay to make mistakes just as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.

89 shares on Instagram this month:

When there’s food around, our cat is like an adorable, fluffy shark circling round.

45 shares on TikTok this month:

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

11 shares on Instagram this month:

In my experience, bowling and pancakes have the same energy. High hopes at the beginning, lowered self-esteem at the end.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

If you lift the cat off the couch and it sounds like Velcro, then it didn’t want to leave.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Every time I see a couple riding a tandem bike, I try to figure out which one of them is pissed about it.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Being a millennial means finding out you can’t afford to live in that apartment complex you thought was really shady when you were a kid.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

People tell me to just be myself like that would be a good thing.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Cake hits so much harder off a plastic fork.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

I thought Game of Thrones was a pooping contest for men.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

Going down a rabbit hole if anyone wants anything.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Women are like a fitted sheet. No matter what you do or how hard you try, they just never seem to cooperate.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Intermittent fasting is how I drive, not how I eat.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

I love when I come home, I put on my Adam Sandler clothes.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

My hobbies include sleeping and feeling like I’ve never slept.

Spotted on Pinterest:

If you ghosted me, don’t come back. Maintain that energy, babe. Stay dead.

Freshly posted on Slack:

If my wife and I got divorced and moved to separate states, I’m convinced I would still hear her chewing.

Just landed via Threads:

Starting your most incoherent sentence with “put simply” to deflect blame onto the reader.

Shared recently on X:

Wi-Fi: Your internet connection is unstable. Me: You should see my life.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Obviously, I’m gonna upload pictures with filters and in my best angles. If you wanna see the ugly side of me, come to my house, but bring ice cream.

Seen just now on YouTube:

There should be a good 10 hours in between waking up and having to interact with people.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Are you ever so happy to be in bed, you wish you could be even more in bed than you already are?

Live now on X:

Instead of writing letters, let’s wait a week before texting each other back so it still feels like it.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Instagram should let you extend the run of one story for another 24 hours if the intended target didn’t see it.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Sorry, I ghosted you. I just felt like you were gonna ghost me, so I did it first.

To my beloved wife, I leave my circus and my monkeys.

I love tennis but never really been clear why they need a lifeguard.

People keep wishing January was over like the worst month of the year isn’t coming up next. Thats like wishing someone would stop arguing with you and just punch you in the face.

Plot Twist: Your taxes cheated on you.

Having no one to talk would get you a good sleeping schedule.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨