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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

You learn a lot about someone when you marry them. For example, I learned I should have married someone else.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Due to financial reasons, I will now be performing photosynthesis.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

If insomnia were a sport, I’d have endorsement deals.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

I’ve been on Facebook for so long, I remember when it all used to be farmland.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

A pretty girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

If you comment to say “No comment,” you have, in fact, commented.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Establish dominance by asking your dentist if he’s flossing everyday.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

The ’90s were a time of blissful ignorance where we expected rock stars to sleep with groupies.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

I find pleasure in closing tabs in my wife’s brain. This worry… done. That task… complete.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,490

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

Money does not buy happiness, but it’s better to cry in a sports car than on a bicycle.

Spotted on Twitch:

Before social media, you could just completely forget that somebody existed. Good times.

Just shared via Twitch:

Everyone gives pleasure in some way, one when they enter a room, the other when they leave it.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

“I’m still young”, I tell myself, as my knees make popping noises while standing up.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Sometimes people come into your life — and they need to stop doing that.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I’ve started taking a brisk walk straight after dinner and it’s saving me an absolute fortune on restaurant bills.

Just landed via WeChat:

My ducks are not even remotely in a row. My ducks are in places no duck has ever gone before.

Seen just now on TikTok:

When things get hot, they expand, so I’m just getting warmer, not gaining weight.

Going viral on Instagram:

I know there are bigger problems in the world right now, but I’ve just realized I’ve never seen a baby seagull.

Breaking via WeChat:

At this point, if I get picked up by aliens, I’m just gonna go ahead and consider it a rescue mission instead of an abduction.

People acting all happy and energized first thing in the morning. Chill out! You aren’t a Teletubby.

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People acting all happy and energized first thing in the morning. Chill out! You aren’t a Teletubby.
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Commentary:
"Watching people bounce around all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed in the morning like they just popped out of a Teletubby episode 🌞🤪 Let's face it, not all of us are cut out for that level of morning cheerfulness. Some of us need a little more coffee and a lot more snooze button before we're ready to tackle the day 😴☕️ Just call us the Not-So-Bright-Eyed and Definitely Not-Bushy-T

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on Snapchat this month:

New year; new me. Just kidding. I’m already awesome.

22 shares on Pinterest this month:

Why a bug would spend such a long fraction of its short life immobile on my ceiling beats me.

78 shares on Telegram this month:

When I write “I hope this email finds you well” I’m referring to the email’s skills in tracking you down.

61 shares on Facebook this month:

I identify as a weather forecast: Anything’s possible.

10 shares on Snapchat this month:

No one is more hated than those two people who start a standing ovation.

32 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Having Christmas off in the middle of the work week and then forcing us to go back to work the next day feels so illegal.

27 shares on TikTok this month:

I hate when someone on a magazine cover stares at me while I eat.

44 shares on Threads this month:

Being informed is the worst thing I’ve ever done for my mental health.

73 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I make sure to post my political opinions after my selfies have gone viral to cull the herd.

98 shares on Telegram this month:

Bluesky honestly feels like a miracle where you take the most annoying people in the world and stick them in a broken elevator together.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I’ll eventually be able to get back in it.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Fellas, if your lady is mad, ask her if it’s because she’s put on some weight. That’ll calm her down.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

People who shower at night are bold enough to assume tomorrow’s even happening.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Wish my metabolism worked as fast as my anxiety.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My spirit animal is that one bird that knocks itself unconscious, flying into windows.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If you don’t know how many x-rays it takes before a person develops super powers, should you really be in a medical profession?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t need therapy. I need everyone who’s ever wronged me to suddenly feel a chill and not know why.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Doing some skin care routine but my skin doesn’t care.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Before Google, if you didn’t know something you had to go ask someone and most of the time they couldn’t help you, and now that’s also how Google works.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If I was a fish, I’d be smoking all the seaweed.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,633

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Deja poo is when you feel like you’ve heard the same shit before.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Women pretending not to see men staring at them is an essential survival skill.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your card out of your wallet.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

Just being myself is how we got into this mess.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

You were promised to me 3,000 years ago.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here plucking chin hairs.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

You have a bucket list, I have my head in a bucket, we are not the same.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Aliens, robots, mutant ladybugs — whoever takes over will be better than this.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

I will never forget how to spell bananas, thanks to Gwen Stefani.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

I talk to myself in the same condescending tone, so you’re not special.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

AirBnB is fun for when you want to be financially abused by a stranger with a binder filled with rules.

Trending via Reddit:

Once you realize that the general public is retarded, you stop caring about how crazy you look to them.

Making waves on Twitch:

I want my name to come up when you go to confession.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Before I started my own business, I would suffer from anxiety on Sunday nights. But now that I run my own business, I have anxiety every night.

Making waves on Pinterest:

The easiest way to bundle your home and auto insurance is to live in your car.

Trending via Facebook:

It sucks that the reward for being responsible, is just a bunch of new responsibilities.

Just landed via Reddit:

Plot Twist: Your taxes cheated on you.

Spotted on Instagram:

I’m never early… unless we’re talking about the airport.

Seen just now on Threads:

It’s important to listen to both sides of the debate because you need to hear both the reality of the situation and also the dumbest thing anyone’s ever said.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

If I ever say “with all due respect”, please understand that there is none.

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