Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Opening this app is like lighting a cigarette.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

“She’s so self-centered”—who’s supposed to be the center of my life? You?

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

King Kong should’ve been able to find a better place to hide than the top of the tallest building in the middle of New York City.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

According to autocorrect, my favorite Star Wars character is Bob’s Feet.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Saw the eye doctor, and that’s 90% of the vision test right there.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

It’s a good friend who, when you want the truth, knows what truth you want.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Countries are just gangs with paperwork.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

First date idea: we search for each other’s criminal history together.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,546

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

The only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead.

Trending via YouTube:

My favorite pirate song is “Aye of the Tiger”

Spotted on Telegram:

We’re all in the billionaire submarine now.

Breaking via Discord:

At some point, my colleagues will manage to get me my own true crime documentary on Netflix.

Trending via Slack:

Don’t forget, you are someone’s weird colleague.

Going bananas on Threads:

“Excuse me, are you gonna finish those fries?” Me, interrupting a couple fighting.

Live now on Instagram:

Falling off academically is worse than a heartbreak.

Just landed via Instagram:

If my wife and I got divorced and moved to separate states, I’m convinced I would still hear her chewing.

Going viral on Instagram:

I don’t need a psychic to tell me which planets make me sad. It’s earth.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I waste a lot of time putting my phone down to just pick it back up again.

People acting all happy and energized first thing in the morning. Chill out! You aren’t a Teletubby.

0
People acting all happy and energized first thing in the morning. Chill out! You aren’t a Teletubby.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Watching people bounce around all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed in the morning like they just popped out of a Teletubby episode 🌞🤪 Let's face it, not all of us are cut out for that level of morning cheerfulness. Some of us need a little more coffee and a lot more snooze button before we're ready to tackle the day 😴☕️ Just call us the Not-So-Bright-Eyed and Definitely Not-Bushy-T

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Just saw a piece of jewelry made in the 80s described as “vintage,” so I’ll be laying down the rest of the day.

99 shares on YouTube this month:

Meetings are great because who doesn’t like being held hostage?

29 shares on TikTok this month:

Vatican City should be called Popenhagen.

21 shares on WeChat this month:

Being insane should at least burn calories.

14 shares on Twitch this month:

Cicadas are all like, “Y’all mind if I scream?”

76 shares on Slack this month:

Where did you come from, Where did you go, Where did you come from, Pokémon Go.

84 shares on Slack this month:

I’ve decided to become an organ donor. When I die, I want an elephant to get a new trunk.

93 shares on X this month:

Cheeseburgers should be free for anyone that’s in a bad mood.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

I purposely overcook my holiday turkeys so I don’t have to hear anyone at the table say, “moist.”

87 shares on Snapchat this month:

I think adults need summer vacation. Like, let’s just close down all our jobs for three months and play outside. Please. I’m so tired.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t worry. You’re exactly where you should be in life. Because you’ve made horrible choices.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I’m gonna need everybody to stop living here.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The idea that the zombies in the 28 Days series exist entirely in Britain is genuinely hilarious. The rest of the world saw that and was like, “Yeah, they can handle it on their own.”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I love when toddlers passionately talk to you about absolutely nothing.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Beavers are also just otters that have learned carpentry.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The husband, child, and dog are all snoring. WTF is this?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I really think tossing and turning at night should be counted as exercise.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Why sleep when you can stay up all night overthinking?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Oh good. Another day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,576

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Can I get back all those naps I refused to take as a kid? I could really use them now.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

A good hack to make my house look clean and tidy in the evening is to turn all the lights off.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

I even procrastinate things I actually want to do.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

I will sit in the rain about this.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

I’ll rewind a movie, get on my phone, and miss the same part.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Of course women need more pockets, where are we supposed to hold all of our grudges?

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

I only buy cookware with the handles that somehow get hotter than the pot itself.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

People who own banana costumes will wear that shit to anything.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Did you guys know that you can actually do whatever you want all the time?

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

Mondays are for pretending. Real work begins on Tuesday.

Going bananas on X:

I did some exercise in 2010, I should be good for another few years.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

At the plastic surgeon: Please, Doc, help me. My Barbie doll has appendicitis.

Going viral on Discord:

“Real Housewives” is a great oxymoron because nothing about them is real.

Spotted on Threads:

My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

Making waves on TikTok:

Welcome to your 40’s: See that kid dressed up like a cop? He is a cop.

Going bananas on Slack:

I didn’t lose an hour of sleep. The hour of sleep lost me.

Spotted on Facebook:

We live in a cosmic tornado, but sure, let’s all get jobs.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Kinda sucks that I actually own a skeleton but don’t get to show anyone until I die.

Just shared via Telegram:

Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

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