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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Establish dominance at work by drinking iced tea in a wine glass.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

What have I done to deserve this? Oh yeah, right, I remember.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

If a woman watches a TV show alone, who answers all of her questions?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

It seems a little unfair that the people who want to go to bed have to put the people to bed who don’t want to go to bed.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Remember when Mustangs were muscle cars and not an embarrassment to the name.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

No one watches your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Roses are red, I’m staying in bed. I’ve made no plans, besides pretending I’m dead.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Phone addiction got so bad that watching a movie feels productive.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,286

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

I’ve done literally nothing all day, except feel guilty about doing nothing all day.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Clothes too dirty for the closet, but too clean for laundry. Welcome to: the chair.

Going viral on TikTok:

My retirement plan is time travel to the 80s.

Just shared via Slack:

You can’t spell dyslexia without sexy.

Going viral on Slack:

I didn’t like my beard at first… then it grew on me.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

“I’m going to try underthinking about a situation, and see if that works.”

Breaking via Slack:

Who called it a deep freeze instead of ice-o-lation?

Going viral on Snapchat:

In my defense, Your Honor, I was left unsupervised.

Breaking via TikTok:

My teenager has really expensive taste for someone who can’t afford to buy their own toothpaste.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Don’t mispronounce anything next to me and think I didn’t hear it.

People acting all happy and energized first thing in the morning. Chill out! You aren’t a Teletubby.

Witty quote about morning energy and pretending to be cheerful, humorous and playful tone.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Watching people bounce around all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed in the morning like they just popped out of a Teletubby episode 🌞🤪 Let's face it, not all of us are cut out for that level of morning cheerfulness. Some of us need a little more coffee and a lot more snooze button before we're ready to tackle the day 😴☕️ Just call us the Not-So-Bright-Eyed and Definitely Not-Bushy-T

, , , , , , , , ,

Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on YouTube this month:

Great minds think alike, but so do stupid ones.

54 shares on TikTok this month:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror movies, so it relaxes you before bedtime.

12 shares on WeChat this month:

My dream car is a taco truck.

38 shares on Messenger this month:

Did it make you feel powerful when you didn’t let me merge onto the highway?

66 shares on YouTube this month:

I remember sex. That was cool.

15 shares on Telegram this month:

You feel me? Bro, I haven’t felt anything since the Scholastic Book Fair.

94 shares on Threads this month:

Kind of rude you didn’t wake me up before you went went.

85 shares on Reddit this month:

Every single bad day happened because I woke up.

54 shares on WeChat this month:

My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

49 shares on Telegram this month:

People say that they want to be tall, but don’t realize how many times tall people are assaulted by spiderwebs.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

How many cups of coffee is OK to have every day? Is it eight? I’m pretty sure it’s eight.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

There’ll be a time someone will convince you to watch Game of Thrones. It is very important that you listen to them and watch.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyday I wait for a vampire to seduce me.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If life could stop teaching me lessons, that would be great.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

As a child, I had the impression that I would be offered free drugs by strangers much more frequently than the 0 times it’s happened.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s actually crazy we figured out how to grow real diamonds that are cheaper and better quality than the real thing, and so many people are still like, no thanks, the suffering is what makes it special.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My cat smells like cigarettes again and I’m sick of his excuses.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Going to the beach is 99% getting ready for the beach and 1% enjoying the beach.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Working as a 911 operator but hanging up when someone starts screaming because I’m an empath, and it overwhelms me.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Lou Read is the name of my favorite musician and also the book I keep in the toilet.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,684

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

What many call beauty can just be wiped off 90% of the time.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

My bad for thinking everyone has common sense.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Kinda in the mood to let my feelings impair my judgement.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

“You’ve changed.” Yeah, I watched a new movie.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

We should be able take jets and tanks and stuff whenever we want, we paid for them.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Everyone’s a gangster until they see a rainbow.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Whoever came up with the spelling for “receipt” was an idiopt.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

In other news, congrats to my therapist for securing a 4 year contract with me.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

I don’t want to stand, Apple Watch. You stand.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on X:

First rule of cleaning while listening to music: the toilet brush is never the microphone. Never!

Going bananas on Discord:

So far, no one has seriously tried to bribe me, which is a shame because I am extremely corrupt. Maybe I need a position with more power.

Trending via YouTube:

I’ll never be badass enough to walk around chewing on a toothpick.

Spotted on Slack:

The secret ingredient to being really funny is childhood trauma.

Trending via Threads:

Unlike smoking, vaping doesn’t reduce your sex drive. It just reduces the sex drive of the people who see you vaping.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

The dumbest person you know is being told, “You’re absolutely right!” by ChatGPT.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I like people who can admit their mistakes and apologize. In other words, I like very few people.

Freshly posted on X:

I’m the type of person to go back to sleep and try to finish a dream.

Trending via YouTube:

I am MTV, still played music videos, years old.

Just shared via Threads:

The retirement age needs to be lowered to 40, I’ve had enough.

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