Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Of course! Watching movies counts as professional development, right? 🎥💼 After all, who wouldn't want to further their 'cinematic expertise' in the name of work-life balance? 🤓 #MovieBuffBenefits"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I can’t believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician. I was just sitting there doing nothing.

0

2 months ago

arrest, arrested, believe, doing, doing nothing, humor, i, impersonation, irony, just, nothing, politician, satire, sitting
My husband is the do-it-yourself type. I asked him to take out the garbage and he said, “do it yourself.”

0

2 months ago

asked, chores, do-it-yourself, garbage, humor, husband, i, marriage, relationship, take, type, wit, yourself
Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?

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2 months ago

alarm, dust, early, humor, kid, me, needs, parenting, scream, today, wake, wake up
My kidnappers sent me back early with a full apology, some money, and several of their fingers.

0

2 months ago

apology, back, early, fingers, full, me, money
I consider the second page of Google results the dark web.

0

2 months ago

consider, dark, dark web, engine, Google, Google result, humor, i, internet, internet humor, joke, online, online joke, page, result, results, search, search engine, second, web, web page
Roses are red, violets are blue. When I listen to rock music, my neighbors do too.

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2 months ago

annoyance, blue, humor, i, listen, loud, music, neighbors, noise, playful, red, rhyme, rock, rock music, roses, too, violets

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on Telegram this month:

The only way the climate is going to change is if it first admits it has a problem, there’s really nothing we can do.

45 shares on Pinterest this month:

Someone from Facebook Marketplace is coming over to either buy the chairs I have for sale, or to murder me.

56 shares on Twitch this month:

Can’t, I’m raging against the machine.

88 shares on Instagram this month:

Moving houses/apartments gotta be top 3 worst human experiences.

28 shares on TikTok this month:

I’ve just found my wide pants again. They weren’t gone at all, they’re just my tight pants now.

80 shares on WeChat this month:

Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant “Autumn,” not the collapse of civilization.

45 shares on Instagram this month:

I saw God in a dream and all he did was brag about making Pedro Pascal.

55 shares on Snapchat this month:

“Are you sexually active?” Dude, I’m not even socially active.

76 shares on Discord this month:

When a girl says “5 mins,” think about it like five minutes left in the 4th quarter, and both teams have all their timeouts.

97 shares on Twitch this month:

Caveman bartender: “This one’s on the cave.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Why is it called the Super Bowl if no one is bowling?

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Apparently, “I just don’t want to” is not a valid reason when your boss asks you why you’re not coming in today.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

A good way to get out of a conversation is to take off one of your socks and hand it to the person talking.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Isn’t your email address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com?

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

It’s never too early to start making bad decisions.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

“Comparison is the thief of joy!” Well, not if you’re better than everyone else.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

I asked Tom Hanks for his autograph, but all he wrote was thanks.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Adulthood is really discovering half your family is mentally ill.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Rorschach tests are like so easy. Everything’s either a demon or a butterfly and it’s up to you to decide.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends meetings early.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Snapchat:

The only reason I insist on returning to the office is because my cat needs a break from me staring at him all day.

Just shared via Discord:

I fear one day I’ll see one of my posts marked as an “Exhibit A”

Breaking via Threads:

We put a man on the moon in 1969, and if you elect me to be your president, I promise that we will not stop until every man is on the moon.

Just shared via YouTube:

The real advantage of being self-employed is that you don’t have to go to a Christmas party.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Should we all just give up and get really into drugs? Wait, this is literally what happened in the 60s. That just clicked for me.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I could be staring at my hand locking my front door, and I still won’t feel 100% sure my front door was locked.

Spotted on Discord:

If I were a bird, you’d be the first person I’d shit on.

Just shared via Snapchat:

That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you’re shopping for something else because they just won’t budge.

Shared recently on Telegram:

When someone yells stop, I don’t know if it’s in the name of love, it’s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.

Going viral on X:

That little pocket on jeans is the perfect size for the money I have left over after I pay all my bills.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

People should be allowed to leave work early if they want to go see a movie.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I can’t believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician. I was just sitting there doing nothing.

My husband is the do-it-yourself type. I asked him to take out the garbage and he said, “do it yourself.”

Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?

My kidnappers sent me back early with a full apology, some money, and several of their fingers.

I consider the second page of Google results the dark web.

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I listen to rock music, my neighbors do too.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨