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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

How do people post 25 times a day? The only thing I can do 25 times a day is pee.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

For my birthday, I want everyone to delete whatever old version of me they have in their head— it expired.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

You’re in his DMs, I’m outside his window with a JBL speaker streaming Taylor Swift.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

I had a healthy appendix removed, just to show the other organs that I will not tolerate any bullshit.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

When I get the vibe from someone that fitting in is super important to them my first instinct is to bite them.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

Therapy should be free and accessible because getting traumatized is free and accessible.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Why would I spend money on the zoo when I can watch my colleagues for free?

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

Don’t judge me on my likes, I’m confusing the algorithm.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,466

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Gay? We don’t use that word anymore. Person of rainbow.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Accidentally made eye contact with the sweets at the grocery store and now have to declare bankruptcy.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I like when I walk with people and they note that I’m a fast walker. We’re in a race. We’re in a race and you’re losing actually.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Dinosaurs are always described as “roaming” the earth, which is patronizing as hell, I bet they had places to go and important shit to do.

Just landed via Messenger:

It sucks that the reward for being responsible, is just a bunch of new responsibilities.

Going viral on TikTok:

You didn’t let me know you got home safely so you better at least be injured or I’m gonna be pissed.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Not now, honey. I’m talking to strangers on the internet.

Making waves on YouTube:

Christmas bonus so small you have to call your bank and ask “is it in yet?”

Shared recently on Discord:

Migraine so bad you develop powers like superhuman hearing.

Freshly posted on Discord:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I would love to see AI be unemployed.

Petition to make check-in at hotels 11am and check-out 3pm, not the other way around. Like, WTF?

1 week ago

Humorous text debating hotel check-in and check-out times with playful frustration.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who's with me on this petition to flip the hotel check-in and check-out times upside down? It's time to level the playing field for all the late-night party animals and those who just want to squeeze in a few more minutes of snooze! 🛏️⏰ #HotelCheckInRebel"

around, check-in, check-out, checkout, confusion, frustration, hotel, petition, time, travel, WTF

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on Discord this month:

The sexual tension between me and vanishing without context is insane.

92 shares on WeChat this month:

Eleven out of ten people are stupid.

68 shares on Slack this month:

“It’s Raining Men” and “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” are the same song from different points of view.

34 shares on YouTube this month:

How soon into a new relationship should you let her know you’re an idiot?

67 shares on Instagram this month:

I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.

73 shares on TikTok this month:

Now that the nights are getting cooler again, spiders often hide in your bed in search of warmth. Sleep well!

39 shares on Pinterest this month:

This sex could have been an email.

56 shares on Telegram this month:

Today is a wonderful day to leave me alone.

49 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’ve never been kissed under the cameltoe or whatever it’s called.

75 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The marriage rate has been trending downward. Choreographed wedding dances may be the reason.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

There are beautiful horny women (me) being forced into celibacy due to the utter lack of worthy men in existence. This is the world we are living in now.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

One of my favorite parts of grocery shopping is when somebody else does it for me.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Why can’t men admit when they doze off? What’s wrong with them?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I love how “sleeping in” used to mean noon, and now it means 8:30 a.m.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

My cats won’t talk to me because I came home late from work.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Please pray for our son, who had to unload the dishwasher when “he just did this yesterday, and he’s tired.”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

That moment when you cut into a seedless watermelon and find out it’s only allegedly seedless.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,270

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to pull all nighters.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Horror movies should add bloopers, so after watching the main film, you’ll be able to sleep.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

Working your entire life so you can ‘enjoy’ a couple of years when you’re close to death is the biggest scam of all time.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

White elephant: Nothing brings people together like fighting over absolute garbage.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

My neighbor won’t stop talking about his Rolex and I can’t believe someone stole it tomorrow.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

I can’t wait til I have hearing aids, so I can just turn them off when I’m tired of hearing everyone.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

I accidentally take a screenshot of my phone background at least once a week.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Why is Saturday over in 7 minutes and Sunday in 4 minutes, but Monday is 84 months long?

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Single introverts be like, “If it’s meant to be, my future love will simply teleport into my living room.”

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

Polish girls are just winter Latinas.

Trending via Slack:

The most I’ve ever spent on a bottle of wine is about 45 minutes.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Having leftover pizza for breakfast is an actual blessing.

Broadcasted on X:

If you don’t like sports, you are missing a whole world of easy-going conversations with complete strangers.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Dear Math, I don’t want to solve your problem, I have my own problems to solve.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

Making waves on Messenger:

I tried yoga once. I pulled a hamstring and my dignity.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Remember, for some unknown reason Santa doesn’t make batteries.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

If you send a man to war today, he’s gonna go there and take dark exposure aesthetic pics.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

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