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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

An introvert walked into a bar. Just kidding. The introvert stayed home.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

God knew I would be too powerful if I had conversation skills.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

I’m not worried about WWIII. I’ve been feeding a crow army for three years.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

A fabric tomato filled with needles. Don’t see that much anymore.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Please pray for my daughter, who had to empty the dishwasher when she “just did this yesterday and she’s tired.”

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Filling animals with helium is kinda weird, but whatever floats your goat.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

I find that age is just a number, and the older you get, the number you get.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

I think humans are meant to lay in bed with the love of their life all winter.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

It’s only a family vacation if you think “We’re never doing this again” at least once.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

I wonder how biology explains that pain in your chest you get when you found out your partner cheated on you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,272

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

A bathrobe is being naked with plausible deniability and pockets.

Spotted on Discord:

Whoever is dating my ex, all I can say is: cheat first!

Shared recently on Instagram:

I’m not saying it’s been a while, I’m just saying I completely blanked on the name of my gym.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Good morning only to those who duel at dawn, drink at dusk, and haunt their lovers in between.

Just landed via Reddit:

Quitting a job is not enough. I need them to go out of business when I leave.

Live now on WhatsApp:

It’s so beautiful when two real perverts find each other.

Live now on X:

Wonder if I should do something with my life, or kind of just continue to hang out.

Just shared via WeChat:

No, you tell me what YOU were doing during that gap in my resume.

Spotted on Discord:

Blocking anyone who tries to motivate me.

Breaking via Discord:

Whoever said, “Laughter is the best medicine,” clearly never tried Revenge.

Sometimes I think about Adam and Eve and how they couldn’t even get a babysitter.

2 weeks ago

Witty text about Adam and Eve joking about their lack of babysitters.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, Adam and Eve really started off their parenthood journey on the wrong foot, didn't they? 😂🍎 It's like, you had one job – don't eat the forbidden fruit, but also, find a reliable babysitter! 🤷‍♂️ I bet they wish they had Yelp back in those days! #ParentingFail #BabysitterDrama

Adam, babysitter, biblical, eve, even, humor, i, irony, parenting, sometimes, think

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Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on Instagram this month:

Revenge? No. I just post hot selfies and let the algorithm do God’s work.

60 shares on Facebook this month:

Scooby Doo was a woke-ass show. Every villain was just a landlord trying to scare people off their property so they could sell it.

14 shares on Twitch this month:

Not to brag, but I can put my socks on without sitting down.

50 shares on Facebook this month:

Where do I sign up to be one of those influencers with 2M followers whose whole thing is just standing in front of other people’s content and nodding?

48 shares on Twitch this month:

My toxic trait is thinking I can nap, then waking up 3 hours later in a parallel universe where I missed everything.

48 shares on Messenger this month:

“I’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”

21 shares on WeChat this month:

Catching me in person is rare. I move like a ghost.

28 shares on Slack this month:

My son loves Monty Python. My work here is done.

13 shares on Pinterest this month:

“Slipping in the shower and trying to hold on to the water jet…” Shall I tell you more about myself?

32 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t mind pulling your cart — I’ve been chasing the carrot anyway, and it’s in the same direction.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Did I eat too much candy today? My stomach says yes, but my heart says no.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Ripped a tag off my leggings and did not realize it was load-bearing.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Girl math is crying for two hours and then realizing it wasn’t that deep.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello.” My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 40s: here’s ten pounds.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The place where you pour in the gas is the car’s gasshole.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

My goal weight is getting a magician to saw me in half.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Everybody say a little prayer for my husband, he just told me to calm down.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Dentist appointments are so weird. “Hi, nice to meet you, could you root around in my mouth for a bit?”

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I believe in annoyed at first sight.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,527

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

The older I get, I realize my mom was right, but I just didn’t like her tone.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Sometimes being on your phone all day is your destiny.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

The lion does not concern himself with the few small drops of pee that got on his boxers at the urinal even after he did a few shakes to be sure.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

I think I just hit a Labubu with my car.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

“At your big age” is one of my favorite insults.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Boxes of pasta don’t need a plastic window. I believe pasta is in the box.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Don’t check on your introverted friends this time of year. They’re probably turning their lights off and pretending they’re not home.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Sorry about my behavior as of late. I have plastic in my brain.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

She was rare. Like a meth head with good teeth.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

My ex is somewhere telling his new girlfriend how bad I was, and she’s smiling, thinking she made it in life. Two idiots.

Trending via Twitch:

Crossing things off my to-do list… I didn’t do them, I just don’t want them on my list anymore.

Just landed via Telegram:

It’s not that I want more shoes, it’s just that they keep making them in my size.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

You wear a white shirt and all of a sudden everybody wants to go eat spaghetti.

Shared recently on Discord:

Me and my boys are broke, so we take turns taking pictures of one iced matcha.

Going viral on Reddit:

Stay humble, you are someone’s weird coworker.

Seen just now on Threads:

Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Back then, my parents were afraid of what I would do on the Internet. Today, I’m afraid of what my parents do on the Internet.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Outside letting mosquitoes get some of this.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Hide and seek, except it’s my husband searching for where he last put his pants.

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