16 funny eve quotes - Wordgag

“I have an AI boyfriend.” No, you don’t. It’s Adam and Eve or Adam and Steve, not Adam and USB.

May 30, 2026

I need to figure out what I’m going to wear to the couch on New Year’s Eve.

May 29, 2026

Honey, get in the car. We have to go to the store because we’re retarded, and it’s Christmas Eve.

May 29, 2026

My favorite Christmas Eve tradition is the one where I tell my kids we have to get the house spotless, or Santa won’t come.

May 29, 2026

In the American Bible, Eve was made from part of a McRib.

May 26, 2026

I’m staying up past midnight this New Year’s eve. Not to welcome the new year, but to make sure this one is over.

May 25, 2026

I’ve already picked out my sweatpants for New Year’s Eve.

May 25, 2026

Me, on New Year’s Eve: I think instead of kissing at midnight, I’m just going to go outside and scream.

May 24, 2026

I am “I can’t remember the last time I went out on New Year’s Eve” old.

May 24, 2026

When someone is in a Christmas eve panic, I always find that “well, maybe you should have thought of that sooner” is a helpful phrase.

May 23, 2026

Fun fact: The confetti you’ll see in Times Square tonight was made from one CVS receipt.

May 22, 2026

Sometimes I think about Adam and Eve and how they couldn’t even get a babysitter.

May 22, 2026

How dare you say I’m crazy on the eve of my cat’s wedding?

May 22, 2026

The history of mankind would have been completely different if Adam and Eve had been Chinese. They would have left the apple hanging and eaten the snake.

May 22, 2026

It’s Mother’s Day Eve so remember to leave out a bottle of wine for Mom when she comes down the chimney.

May 21, 2026

Vibrators are wrong and unnatural. The Bible said Adam and Eve, not Florence and the Machine.

May 20, 2026