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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

I may be a beginner at some things, but I have a black belt in shopping.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Me: I have a cut under my fingernail. Universe: Excellent, I will send you an unusually high number of encounters with citrus fruit.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

It seems that after checking my bank account, I need to turn to a life of crime.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

I totally get why Leonardo DiCaprio is trying to save the environment for future generations. They could be his girlfriend.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

I have nothing nice to wear for the government shutdown.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor got slapped.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Airlines be like: “Oh, wow. Oh, God. We didn’t think everyone would bring a bag!”

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Just saw a bird run across the street if you were wondering if anyone else is wasting their gifts.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Nobody talks about the privilege of having a friend who shows interest in your hyperfixations.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

I’m not a good fit for the traditional job market because my greatest strengths are challenging authority, being self-righteous, and wanting to go home.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Jan 11, 2026

3,624

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

“What do you do for a living?” I do my best.

Going bananas on WeChat:

“Autism didn’t exist until recently!” Have you met old guys who work in hardware stores?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I slept like a baby, knowing I’m a burden to everyone around me.

Just shared via Slack:

My husband needs a hearing aid, but refuses to get one because it’s the key to our happy marriage.

Spotted on Threads:

Please hesitate to get in touch with me.

Making waves on Slack:

Hey, man, we’re worshiping a false god later. If you wanna pull up.

Live now on Reddit:

Not looking for a sugar daddy, but something more of a pay pal.

Seen just now on WeChat:

(While my wife opens up her Christmas present) Remember when you said we needed milk?

Breaking via Twitch:

Be bold, be italic, but never regular.

Just shared via Telegram:

Life so stupid, I just want a burger and to be held.

The difference between a hippo and a zippo is that one is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. Thank you and good night.

2 months ago

The difference between a hippo and a zippo is that one is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. Thank you and good night.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🤣😆 What a fantastic observation! Who knew the difference between a hippo and a zippo could be summed up with a weight joke! That's a pun-tastic way to end the evening. Thank you and good night! 🦛🔥 #PunnyHumor

comedy, difference, good, heavy, hippo, humor, joke, lighter, little, night, punchline, thank, wordplay, zippo

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When I say I’m saving myself for marriage, what I mean is you won’t know how annoying I am until it’s too late.

2 months ago

am, annoying, commitment, date, expectations, humor, i, know, late, marriage, mean, myself, relationship, saving, say, too, truth
We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, “I’ve decided I want to be cremated.” I said, “Alright, get your coat.”

2 months ago

blue, coat, conversation, cremated, cremation, day, family, having, humor, i, joke, mother-in-law, said, tea, want, wit
I’m at the age where the first thing I do when I get somewhere is look for a place to sit.

2 months ago

age, i, place, sit, somewhere, thing, where
Dating me is super easy. I text you at 8; you reply at 8:00:01.

2 months ago

dating, easy, humor, i, joke, me, relationship, reply, super, text, texting, timing
I can relate to God because it also takes me a full week to finish something that still kind of sucks.

2 months ago

finish, full, God, humor, i, kind, me, procrastination, relate, self-deprecation, something, still, sucks, week
Shoutout to Netflix for being the only one that checks in on me every few hours. “Are you still watching?” Yeah, babe, thank you for asking.

2 months ago

asking, babe, being, binge-watching, every, hours, humor, loneliness, me, Netflix, only, relationship, reminder, self-care, shoutout, still, streaming, thank, watching

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on Messenger this month:

Resting bitch face saves me from so many conversations I don’t want to be part of.

67 shares on Threads this month:

On average, my daily actions demonstrate I’m probably good at something else.

89 shares on Pinterest this month:

It’s not my job to tell people where they’re failing in life. It’s just a hobby.

41 shares on Twitch this month:

Full-time employment will have you making lists of thoughts to think.

26 shares on Discord this month:

Her: how are you still single? Me: it’s easier than you think.

84 shares on X this month:

Some things are better left unsaid, which I usually realize after I say them.

65 shares on Pinterest this month:

Never underestimate the healing power of having your bed to yourself.

64 shares on Threads this month:

Well, it took several decades, but I might have finally run out of things to say.

51 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m the type of person to go back to sleep and try to finish a dream.

52 shares on Slack this month:

How was the word “Wife” invented? They took the first two and last two letters of wildlife.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine not sighing when you think about your life.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The problem with “treat yourself” is that I don’t know how to stop. I had a bad day in March, and I’ve been treating myself ever since.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s only Wednesday.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Cleaning the kitchen, but saw the laundry, so I watered a plant, and now I’m making a dentist appointment.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

What base is it when he says, “I know you need it badly,” but he’s talking about sleep?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

My dog just looked me in the eye and said “no one is gonna believe you”, then took a nap.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Your future doctor is using ChatGPT to pass med school so you better start eating healthy.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Smoking weed and watching music videos as the hangout is a lost art.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If I was the inventor of healing, I would have made it linear, I can tell you that much.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

“Girls just want to have fun!” No, I want one million dollars cash.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,563

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

I don’t have red flags, I have fun facts.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

The sexual orientation where you’re attracted to both and men and women but they’re not attracted to you is called Bi-yourself.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Keep posting, I’m diagnosing you.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

The husband, child, and dog are all snoring. WTF is this?

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

I love when my friends have quiet boyfriends. Like, girl, your dog is so good, sis.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Salted, and I cannot stress this enough, butter.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Donnie Darko was also ahead of its time because the guy’s haunted by a giant Labubu.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Telegram:

The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

It doesn’t matter how bizarre your situation is. Somebody on Reddit already been there, done that.

Just landed via Reddit:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how quiet your bathroom exhaust fan was.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I can sing all the words to the intro song of DuckTales, what’s your flex?

Breaking via Discord:

We really grew up in the best era to be a kid, and the worst era to be an adult.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Some of you are out here driving like your turn signal’s free trial ended and you’re all out of blinks.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Getting the house to yourself for a night is basically winning the lottery.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Hiccups became less popular. I never hear people hiccuping anymore. What’s going on there?

Making waves on YouTube:

Pretty messed up that my body, a chemistry lab made of meat, simply chooses to make me feel a little bit nervous for no reason.

Just landed via X:

Libraries were a good start, but we need more places where people can’t talk.

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