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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

Sorry, I liked your post one second after you posted it but in my defense, I’ve had my phone in my hand since 2012.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

When you wish you could tell someone that won’t stop talking “Okay, we’re out of time today”, just like a therapist.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Why didn’t Scooby Doo smell that the ghosts were human?

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Paw Patrol is just annoying. Exactly how long do dogs live again on average?

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Strict parents raise good liars.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

I successfully avoided the red-eye flight and got the much milder pink eye flight.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Did you know that if you listen to any Black Sabbath album backwards, you can hear them singing backwards?

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

My dating checklist is down to “not the Unabomber”.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

I hate when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

Lorebombing is when you make a new friend in your thirties and you have to catch each other up.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

767 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,929

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,929

39 minutes ago

3,438

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Imagine if we had to worry about dinosaurs too, on top of everything else.

Just landed via WeChat:

If you’re bored when you’re alone, obviously you’re in bad company.

Going viral on Twitch:

I no longer need an alarm clock because I’m over 40 and have a bladder.

Shared recently on Slack:

I don’t understand people who don’t have kids. Imagine having absolutely nobody to blame when you’re late.

Just shared via Threads:

“Tom Cruise does his own stunts!” Okay cool, but so do I.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

You used to calm me on my cell phone!

Just shared via Twitch:

Calling someone a “tough cookie” isn’t a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Ctrl Alt delete my fat.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Do y’all watch the results come or do you go to bed and wait to see what Democracy Claus left you in the morning?

Just shared via TikTok:

I need money, not feelings.

The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.

6 months ago

The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like the Anonymous Pessimists were so negative that they didn't even bother showing up to their own meeting! 🤷‍♂️ Can you blame them though? 🙄 Maybe they were just too pessimistic to believe in the potential benefits of getting together. 😅 #NegativeNancy #glasshalffull

cancellation, group, help, humor, irony, meeting, negativity, pessimist

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

767 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,929

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,929

39 minutes ago

3,440

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Opinions are like air fryers. Everyone’s got one and they won’t stop banging on about them.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

I don’t understand how some people find love several times in their lives. I first have to find someone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Beer is like the color black: it goes with everything.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, please make it study.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Gonna get my eye looked at today. Usually it’s the other way around.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Rain cancels plans, upsetting some and delighting others.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Having children is a pyramid scheme.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

If a tree falls in a forest and doesn’t make a sound, maybe that’s where your kid should be practicing the piano.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

Men be like “I would do anything for you,” and then do nothing.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I’m so sick of these little 30-minute weekends.

Just landed via Threads:

Typos keep me humble. Every email is a gamble.

Going viral on Messenger:

If I had just one hour left to live, I’d spend it in Math class… it never ends.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

A college education is one of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.

Just shared via Facebook:

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I like liking Instagram stories because I like pressing buttons.

Trending via Pinterest:

Men be like “I would do anything for you” and then do nothing.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Me, unwrapping a gift: Oh wow, an item. I love these!

Seen just now on Discord:

I’ve started taking a brisk walk straight after dinner and it’s saving me an absolute fortune on restaurant bills.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Black Friday used to have heart. I wanna see someone get clocked for a Wii.

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