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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Do you ever wake up in the morning and you’re just like… no.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

I wish companies would use pictures of models looking frazzled and exhausted on their websites, so I can get a real idea of what their clothes will look like on me.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Dating is the process of meeting someone until you find out what’s wrong with them.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Me, aged 20: This is internship summer. I will get an internship. I will find a job. I will study. I will read. I will learn piano. I will… Me, nowadays: This summer, I’m going to try all of the ice cream flavors.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

A lobotomy and a forehead kiss would fix everything.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Once when I was exercising, I realized that I was allergic to it. I was out of breath, sweating and my heart was racing.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

“Are you seeing someone?” Like a hallucination, therapist, or a guy?

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

You try to fart in the toilet in the morning without waking the whole house and thanks to the brilliant acoustics of the toilet bowl, the horn of Gondor sounds.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Not sure what’s longer: a microwave minute or watching a video while someone else is holding the phone, insisting it’s hilarious.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,512

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Threads:

I’m glad the makers removed all the unnecessary sex scenes from my life, so I can focus on character development.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Nosferatu 2024, Frankenstein 2025, and Werwulf 2026. I was born at exactly the right time.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Sunrises are really beautiful, but the timing is rather bad.

Breaking via Threads:

Clueless but committed – that’s my vibe.

Just shared via Reddit:

Here’s your daily reminder to not forget about Dre.

Seen just now on YouTube:

The sole purpose of some household items is to make it impossible for you to open the damn drawer.

Just landed via Discord:

If porn damages your brain, and writing develops your brain, does writing porn even it out?

Going viral on Reddit:

I’m not a perfectionist. I’m more of a good-enoughist.

Seen just now on Telegram:

My son put his dish in the sink so I rushed him to urgent care.

The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.

3 weeks ago

Witty text about pessimists canceling their pointless meeting, with a humorous, ironic vibe.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like the Anonymous Pessimists were so negative that they didn't even bother showing up to their own meeting! 🤷‍♂️ Can you blame them though? 🙄 Maybe they were just too pessimistic to believe in the potential benefits of getting together. 😅 #NegativeNancy #glasshalffull

cancellation, group, help, humor, irony, meeting, negativity, pessimist

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on Facebook this month:

Nobody bools anymore. In high school, everyone was booling.

76 shares on Threads this month:

How you conduct yourself when using plastic wrap is the real you.

22 shares on Twitch this month:

You don’t scare me, I was married once.

89 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m cosplaying as a functional adult again.

66 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Home is where you’ve left the shopping list.

80 shares on Pinterest this month:

Still can’t believe America has a federal holiday to celebrate the hit movie Independence Day.

92 shares on Discord this month:

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, I shut it off and back on again, why are you still here?

28 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The shitshow must go on.

42 shares on Telegram this month:

I wish we were cats so you could just randomly slap co-workers for no reason.

100 shares on Slack this month:

“There are lots of benefits to working here. We have fun social events and activities after work!” And what are the benefits?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re like if “nope” was a person.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey, are you an aurora borealis or why am I waiting in vain for you to appear?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I could never be in the mafia, those guys stay up way to late.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Raising a teenager is like nailing pudding to the wall.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Totally forgot my demands now that I’ve strapped this ticking bomb to my chest.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Our childhood photos might be ugly but those smiles were definitely not fake.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Vote for me, I’ll cut the alphabet in half.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your fifties. Saturday Night Fever now means lots of rest, cold medicine, and chicken noodle soup.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The main problem is that far too many people have far too easy access to podcast equipment.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,323

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

I stopped adding “Let me know if you have any more questions!” to my emails because don’t email me again.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

I hate when I get ready too quickly and have to sit on the couch, fully dressed, and wait like an idiot.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

You don’t have to write every day to be a writer! You just have to feel guilty every day that you don’t.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Trying to carry a pet to bed is like moving a dense liquid that’s annoyed by you.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

It’s getting very expensive to be alive.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Thrifting must be so awesome for big guys and extremely small women.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Painted a big H in my garden to see if I can trap a helicopter. Wish me luck!

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

I’m doing well at accomplishing nothing today and I’m very proud of myself.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Autumn and winter are coming. The time when I make myself tea and always forget that I’ve made myself tea.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

The Secret Service was chasing me but I painted a tunnel on the side of a wall and they all ran into it.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I’m clumsy but there are upsides. For example, if I finish my chips and I’m sad there’s no more chips, I look in my lap and I always find chips.

Going viral on Messenger:

I’m as single as a one Dollar bill, and I don’t need any change.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Called in, “Taking a gap year.”

Trending via Facebook:

As a teen: secretly drinking in the park with friends. As an adult: secretly drinking in the park with squirrels.

Freshly posted on X:

Talking to animals doesn’t make you crazy, hearing them talk back does.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Watching 2+ movies a day to prevent a thought from happening.

Going bananas on Messenger:

I still can’t believe Aldi sells shopping carts for 25 cents. I’ve got 8 of them now and don’t really even have a use for them, it was just too good of a deal to pass up.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I just saw someone on TikTok say that the reason the world didn’t end in 2012 is because Psy turned the Honmoon gold with Gangnam Style.

Live now on Twitch:

The sweet potato is the kindest vegetable.

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