Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

Hey girl, are you an extraterrestrial? ’Cause your husband’s out here acting like you don’t exist.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

My daughter says I’m making it up! Do you remember having to carry a quarter for the payphone, just in case?

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

I love how a film can be life-changing for one person and boring for another.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Just got revenge on someone who wronged me many, many years ago. Never relax, I’m coming.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

I’m dying for some sweets and the only thing sweet in the house is me.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Me, after skipping the tutorial: how the hell do you play this game?

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

There are real people living amongst us who pay for Discord Nitro.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

The pain of watching a movie with someone who talks a lot.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Unless you fell off the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,341

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on X:

Do crabs underwater think that fishes fly?

Trending via Facebook:

Imagine hating me, and I’m not even paying attention.

Trending via Twitch:

Y’all smell that? A beautiful day that the Lord has made.

Trending via LinkedIn:

80 percent of my life now is just “hmmmm… should I bring my jacket or not?”

Spotted on LinkedIn:

When the job market is so bad that you’re going to follow your dreams instead.

Trending via Instagram:

On a scale of quack to quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack, what do you think of my duck-based numbering system?

Making waves on Snapchat:

Manifesting you in my bed.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Prior to the arrival of Paper and Scissors, Rock faced no competition.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I hate it when my body decides to get sick. I gave you a vegetable last week, how dare you.

Seen just now on Threads:

If a dog growled at me, I would try to understand where they’re coming from.

The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.

4 weeks ago

Witty text about pessimists canceling their pointless meeting, with a humorous, ironic vibe.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like the Anonymous Pessimists were so negative that they didn't even bother showing up to their own meeting! 🤷‍♂️ Can you blame them though? 🙄 Maybe they were just too pessimistic to believe in the potential benefits of getting together. 😅 #NegativeNancy #glasshalffull

cancellation, group, help, humor, irony, meeting, negativity, pessimist

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on X this month:

People think I forgot the shit they said. Ain’t no expiration date on disrespect.

39 shares on Telegram this month:

It’s so crazy how people are never down to just go get a burger. It didn’t used to be like this.

44 shares on Instagram this month:

Someone at work is gonna suggest you download Outlook and Teams on your phone, and it’s very important that you don’t listen to them.

48 shares on WeChat this month:

So, if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me, because I am fluent in silence.

33 shares on TikTok this month:

I really wish people would stop thinking they need to speak to me in the mornings.

60 shares on YouTube this month:

You can’t change your past but you can change your pasta.

67 shares on WeChat this month:

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

12 shares on Twitch this month:

No, I’m not stressed. I just constantly grind my teeth and clench my jaw for fun.

14 shares on Threads this month:

Being a dog must be wild, everyone you meet is your masseuse.

34 shares on Threads this month:

I only trust people who give off unemployable energy.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

If you get hangovers, it’s because you drank the beers with impure intentions and heavy karmic debt.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

“Slipping in the shower and trying to hold on to the water jet…” Shall I tell you more about myself?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m having a garage sale and hope people I’ve borrowed things from don’t come.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Starting a new show sucks. Who are these people?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Distance is my jam; solitude is my peanut butter.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Me rereading his texts after we’ve already said goodnight just so I can giggle and blush all over again.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Just a little reminder to laugh as much as you can, stay hydrated, and don’t let shitty people kill your vibe.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If you think my posts are horrid, wait until you see the live stream of my colonoscopy.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I dream of disappearing into the woods with Wi-Fi.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

You can just make up words and if you say them in a Scottish accent, people will think they’re real: Looka the wee janglers on that tary bibbit.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,513

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

A good way to get out of a conversation is to take off one of your socks and hand it to the person talking.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

I don’t need coffee, misanthropy fuels me.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

I’m an expert at having a really funny story to tell and then wording it so badly that it’s not even funny anymore.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Yoga is just slow motion breakdancing.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Beds are always the coziest when it’s time to get up and you don’t want to.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

If you’re not easily offended, why are you even online?

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

THRILLED to announce I did an Ironman this weekend! Attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

I’m just here trying to spread a little joy while the world burns. Is that so wrong?

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Me: trying to rest. Earthquake: Let’s make that a no.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on YouTube:

Packed all my meds into one bottle for a trip and accidentally invented the best trail mix.

Going viral on TikTok:

I am so lucky that I can’t tell the difference between a heartfelt compliment and sarcastic disdain. Life is much easier when you’re dumb.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Summer is here. Always put on some suncream to help the rain run off.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Go outside and let the rain do what your boyfriend can’t.

Seen just now on WeChat:

People don’t get slapped enough with empty gloves these days.

Going viral on Slack:

Sorry for the things I said when the internet was down for 10 minutes.

Going viral on Discord:

There is no actual wolf in Wolf of Wall Street.

Spotted on Snapchat:

“Machines will soon be as smart as people.” Ok, but which people?

Seen just now on Twitch:

I get it, laundry, no one is doing me either.

Just shared via Discord:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re excited about your organized fridge.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴