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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

I used to eat my feelings but now it’s so expensive, I might as well go to therapy.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

My handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

My car accidentally drove to a burger shop again. I hate when it does that.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

It took three employees to help me complete “self-checkout” yesterday.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday!

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

The potholes in my city will change your radio station and unlock the doors.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

I’m not saying I’m old. I’m just saying that my dinner time and bedtime are getting dangerously close to each other.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Life is like bread. It gets hard at some point.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

If you did the weekend right, your coffee needs coffee today.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Of course women need more pockets, where are we supposed to hold all of our grudges?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Reddit:

Sorry I didn’t get you an anniversary card, babe, but you opted in to paperless affection on our third date.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Roses are red. Blue got me thinking. I reckon it’s time for some excessive day drinking…

Going viral on Twitch:

I don’t believe in lying to children, unless it’s about where the good snacks are hidden. Then it’s fine.

Shared recently on Reddit:

December turns me into someone who believes a fat man with a beard can fix everything.

Spotted on Reddit:

Remember when a series of unfortunate events was a book and not your life?

Live now on Instagram:

Hairless cats look like the devil screwed up a possession.

Live now on Threads:

Asking “how’s the job hunt going?” is a lot like asking “did you come?” I promise you, you’d hear if there was any success.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Lowkey wanna fall in love, but Monday to Friday is work, Saturday is laundry, Sunday is mental prep for Monday. The butterflies in my stomach are actually decomposing.

Trending via Slack:

Maybe your dog is barking at my luggage because he doesn’t enjoy his job, officer.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Remember when downloading a song in under 5 minutes was considered progress?

The role I play at family gatherings is that of the cousin that doesn’t show up anymore.

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The role I play at family gatherings is that of the cousin that doesn’t show up anymore.
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Commentary:
"When it comes to family gatherings, I'm like the elusive cousin who's practically a myth now 🤷‍♂️ Maybe my invitation got lost in the mail? Or perhaps I just bring too much excitement to the party that they can't handle? Who knows! 🎉💁‍♂️ #LifeOfTheMissingRelative"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on Pinterest this month:

The goose: Canada’s most violent saxophone.

59 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m having a garage sale and hope people I’ve borrowed things from don’t come.

96 shares on Twitch this month:

My rapper name would be 2 stressd.

34 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m not bothered if you don’t like me, awesomeness isn’t for everyone.

80 shares on Pinterest this month:

Graduation advice: Stay cool. Don’t be a fool. Avoid being a tool.

92 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t remember what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a broke, stressed-out, over-thinker with no clothes that fit.

83 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If someone asks you why you’re single, just answer with: “Got lucky.”

71 shares on Discord this month:

Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

94 shares on Reddit this month:

Telling the cop I’ll give him his nose back if he lowers his firearm.

96 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Professor, set the time machine for right now. I’m trying to be more present.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever named frogs got it 100% right. Those things are frogs.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Ever woken up, kissed the person sleeping next to you and felt glad to be alive? I just did, so I won’t be catching this train again.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Now that the nights are getting cooler again, spiders often hide in your bed in search of warmth. Sleep well!

22 folks are currently checking 👀

There should be a withering shamrock emoji so that people can express misfortune or Irish grief.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

They say white people don’t have their own culture, but I just got invited to a gender reveal party for a dog, and there’s no way we appropriated that from anyone else.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

One thing that could really “level-up” the experience of being a pedestrian would be if cars had some kind of feature that could indicate whether or not they were going to turn in a particular direction.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Intro to salsa class was weird, I starved myself all day, there was no chips or dips and then these weirdos were all grabby and dancing around.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t use a semicolons correctly; you use a semicolon confidently.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Men be like “I would do anything for you,” and then do nothing.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

No one talks about the horrific event of meeting someone who is exactly your type.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,249

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Remember: if nobody hates you, you’re not trying hard enough.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

When you’re late for work, you gotta walk in fast and act like you’re mad.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

I’ve heard that some people have kids who sleep through the night and I’d like to know if they use tranquilizers or chloroform.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to leave work early.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Making her wear those remote-controlled vibrating panties in public so I can inform her when I’m tired and want to leave the party.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Some people get weird as they get older. Not me, though. I’ve always been weird.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

I think it’s time I find myself a new inspiration, asking myself “what would Batman do?” gets me in too much trouble.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

“It’s bikini season,” I whisper, eating another bikini.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

When my friends and I talk about sex, it’s never sexual. It feels scientific, almost.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

This post is highly top-secret. You need to forget that you’ve seen it immediately.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

25 is the new 0 years old.

Spotted on Threads:

Why is the Formula 1 so afraid of rain? Just drive with more caution. That’s what I always do when it rains.

Live now on Reddit:

Maybe your baby is crying because it doesn’t like you.

Seen just now on Discord:

Some people are like wallpaper… same pattern repeating every time.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

First date idea: you bring me coffee in bed, and we snuggle all morning.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Tonight, my poor liver has to pay again for what went wrong during the week.

Going viral on Reddit:

The problem with parental controls is I need my kid to help me figure out how to set them up.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

What part of “I need to save money” do I not understand?

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Spotify: enjoy the next 30 minutes commercial free. Also Spotify: we have no concept of time.

Breaking via Snapchat:

If I win the lottery, I’m buying four politicians and some really nice shoes.

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