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Commentary:
"Looks like avoiding a civil war comes down to practicality, not just fighting spirit! 💼💰 Who has time for battle when there's bills to pay and deadlines to meet? 😂 Let's settle our differences over coffee breaks instead, shall we? ☕️ #OfficeLifeWars"

afford, civil, civil war, economy, humor, much, priorities, take, time, time off, war, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sorry, boss, I can’t come into work today. I’m trying to capture the childlike joy of December.

2 weeks ago

boss, capture, childlike, childlike joy, December, excuse, holiday, holiday spirit, humor, i, joy, procrastination, sorry, spirit, today, trying, work
“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

1 month ago

alone, courtesy, day, extend, hope, humor, i, leave, me, procrastination, same, seize, thank
My opinion of the American education system is largely based on how many nuggets I get when I order a ten piece.

1 month ago

American, chicken nuggets, critique, education, food, humor, i, nuggets, opinion, order, piece, system, ten, ten piece
If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

4 months ago

advice, answer, bite, death, die, give, humor, joke, poison, should, simply, snake, sure, survival, wait
At the strip club sighing until one of the dancers asks me what’s wrong.

1 month ago

activity, club, dancer, fun, fun activity, humor, me, nightlife, sighing, strip, strip club, what’s, what’s wrong, wrong
This family has a lot of nerve wearing all these clothes after I just did laundry.

4 months ago

after, clothes, family, household, humor, i, just, laundry, lot, nerve, sarcasm

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

The state of my house can best be described as “there seems to have been a struggle”.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Pet owners be like “this is my pet Snoopy, but their nicknames are Booboo and Thicky Boy!”

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

It’s been so long since I had sex last, went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

My cold is worse than yours because it’s happening to me.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Spotify should have helpful mental health suggestions like “your top listens are Taylor Swift and true crime, go to therapy.”

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

My husband thinks he can just order me around like he’s one of the cats.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Spending the day with my mom and her mom, just observing the patterns.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

Paid my rent and slept in every room of my house this week, kitchen and laundry room next.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Bluesky honestly feels like a miracle where you take the most annoying people in the world and stick them in a broken elevator together.

Seen just now on X:

I feel sorry for non-glasses wearers. They’ll never know the joy of cleaning them and suddenly being upgraded to the UHD package.

Breaking via Slack:

America’s national anthem should be changed to Welcome to the Jungle.

Just landed via Instagram:

I smoke weed for my mental health and your personal safety.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Not being able to fall asleep is so embarrassing. All I’m asking my brain to do is nothing and it can’t even do that?

Making waves on Slack:

Let me help you turn that software into hardware.

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Activity Log ✨

There’s not gonna be a civil war. None of us can afford to take that much time off work.

Sorry, boss, I can’t come into work today. I’m trying to capture the childlike joy of December.

“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

My opinion of the American education system is largely based on how many nuggets I get when I order a ten piece.

If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

At the strip club sighing until one of the dancers asks me what’s wrong.

This family has a lot of nerve wearing all these clothes after I just did laundry.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Why are these idiots only giving robots two arms?

A diamond is forever, and so is my teen’s grudge against me for some random stuff every other day.

Don’t worry. Artificial intelligence will never replace actual ignorance.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

When the salesman from the hearing aid company calls, I stay on the line and answer every question with ‘What?’

All of my fitness goals are within reach, but unfortunately, so are the crisps.

A real smartphone would cut you off.

The ‘b’ in ‘subtle’ totally is.

Even if you like anime, you gotta still wear deodorant, man.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Odd—my boss told me to meet him at the abandoned quarry at midnight for my performance evaluation.

Remember: The first step to recovery is addiction.

Who can better express pain and grief and misery than a man with a harmonica?

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Weddings should have a worst man.

If someone ghosts you, respect the dead and never disturb them again.

I am convinced that size matters, especially when it comes to the heart.

Shoutout to everyone who can’t keep up with the laundry or the dishes but decided it was a great idea to start gardening.

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There’s not gonna be a civil war. None of us can afford to take that much time off work.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Sorry, boss, I can’t come into work today. I’m trying to capture the childlike joy of December.

“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

My opinion of the American education system is largely based on how many nuggets I get when I order a ten piece.

If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

At the strip club sighing until one of the dancers asks me what’s wrong.

This family has a lot of nerve wearing all these clothes after I just did laundry.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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