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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ซ has viewed:

When I was a kid I thought shrimp cocktails had alcohol in them and I thought it was such a weird way to get drunk.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ญ has viewed:

Date idea: We watch Breaking Bad and break your bed.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has copied:

Deleting the paragraph you wrote and texting back “ok” is a different type of self-control.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ช has downloaded:

โ€œYouโ€™re an athlete,โ€ I whisper to myself, as I begin my third attempt to get out of the couch.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ป has bookmarked:

Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has downloaded:

The human body is amazing. One half-open eye and the brain under emergency power are enough to make coffee.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฏ has copied:

Self-care is smoking a solo blunt with music.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ด has bookmarked:

My chess strategy is eating one of your pieces every time you look away.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ป has bookmarked:

I need to find hobbies that don’t include my debit card.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has shared:

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,377

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Spotted on WeChat:

Promising I wonโ€™t tell anyone your secret doesnโ€™t include my husband. Heโ€™s basically my diary.

Spotted on Pinterest:

The thing I can’t get over about Love Island is they’re only allowed 2 drinks a night, like they’re all just acting like that.

Going viral on YouTube:

Did you know? By replacing your coffee with green tea, you can lose up to 92% of what little joy you still have left in your life.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Oh you won a gold medal at the Olympics? My watch just congratulated me for standing up.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Whatโ€™s yโ€™allโ€™s favorite burner on your stove? Mine is front left. Thatโ€™s my boy. Thatโ€™s my big dawg.

Shared recently on Twitch:

How is this the same brain that used to remember everybodyโ€™s phone numbers?

Going viral on Telegram:

People always ask me “Do you believe in God?” and I say of course itโ€™s important to have self-belief.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Yesterday I went to a fight and a baseball game broke out.

Trending via Snapchat:

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, I shut it off and back on again, why are you still here?

Going bananas on Twitch:

I was the most patient parent and then I had kids.

Weight gain makes me sad. Luckily, eating cheers me right back up.

Playful quote about weight and comfort food, emphasizing humor and lightheartedness.
Download image โ†“

Commentary:
"Who needs therapy when you have food to lift your spirits ๐Ÿ”๐ŸŸ๐Ÿ•? It's the ultimate see-food diet – you see food, you eat it, and voila, instant happiness! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿฆ #FoodIsBae"

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Keep the laugh going ๐Ÿ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes ๐Ÿ‘‡

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars โญ

70 shares on Facebook this month:

Stop eating around the bush or whatever the saying is.

34 shares on Threads this month:

So far, every Miss Universe winner has been from Earth.

60 shares on WeChat this month:

I am convinced that at least half of you are bots.

13 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I look so pretty today. I should go for a walk and let the people enjoy this.

92 shares on Reddit this month:

Every time I ask my husband to bring me something out of my purse, without a doubt, heโ€™ll bring me my whole purse. Why are purses so scary to men, lol.

76 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Most people don’t listen at all, they just wait until they can continue talking.

29 shares on Slack this month:

Wish I could just go back to eating cookies and not knowing what day it was.

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

Twitter will always be your best app if you’re single, funny, or just depressed.

67 shares on Pinterest this month:

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side. My legs for always supporting me. And my fingers because I can always count on them.

99 shares on Discord this month:

Signing all emails with BOOM SHAKALAKA today.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

21 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.

10 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Sorry I said your toddler should be in commercials for birth control.

20 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

If you see my account doing wild or out-of-character things, no worries. Itโ€™s not me, I routinely rent it out as an Airbnb.

24 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Losing weight is basically all about being cold 90% of the time.

7 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I think I’ma end the year with a plot twist, everyone hold on tight.

16 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Every outdoor cat should be given a little cowboy hat and a gun.

5 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

My workout goals are simple: Iโ€™d just like to be able to get up off the floor without looking like a turtle trying to flip itself back over.

23 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

If you have children, you can experience all human emotions before 9 a.m. on Sundays.

10 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Is my life this bad because I didn’t forward that email to 15 people back in 2007?

23 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I donโ€™t get vegetables on my pizza because I donโ€™t like mixing business with pleasure.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,784

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ธ has bookmarked:

One thing I love about the internet is seeing some of the most hateful people posting inspirational quotes.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡ผ has copied:

Distance is my jam; solitude is my peanut butter.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ญ has shared:

Dear Math, I don’t want to solve your problem, I have my own problems to solve.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ช has viewed:

If youโ€™re not getting spoiled, then spoil yourself.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ด has shared:

It’s Monday, but at what cost?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฟ has downloaded:

Mid-life crisis? No, no, mid-day crisis. Something happens every day.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ซ has bookmarked:

Well, that’s not very in love with me of you.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡ผ has downloaded:

White guys have a slur for other white guys they don’t respect, it’s called ‘buddy.’

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has copied:

Carrots are a great thing to eat when you’re hungry, and want to stay that way.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has viewed:

Itโ€™s funny how cats have ears on top of their head, but don’t use them.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Just landed via TikTok:

Iโ€™m not alone. I have ants.

Making waves on Twitch:

Vote for me and I will halve the calories in chocolate.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

If you’re happy and you know it, you’re clearly not paying enough attention.

Live now on Threads:

Why can’t periods just last for an hour? Like, you made your point, I’m not pregnant, you can leave now.

Going viral on YouTube:

If my coworker doesnโ€™t stop asking questions on this Zoom meeting, I will drive across town and slap his face on the call.

Trending via Pinterest:

One of the worst ways to waste your youth is by being insecure.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Elevator rides in real life: 30 seconds long. Elevator rides in movies: Two minutes long.

Just landed via WeChat:

I embarrass myself in front of myself.

Freshly posted on Discord:

What’s the opposite of FOMO? The feeling of knowing you made the right decision not going somewhere once you see or hear dispatches from it.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Sometimes Iโ€™m like….. what is the point of all this? And then I hang out with the people I love, and for a brief moment, I see.

ยฉ 2026. All rights reserved.

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