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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

My lotion bottle says to use it on areas of irritation, so I slathered it all over my coworker, Deborah.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

My save-for-later cart on Amazon is up to about $1.5 million dollars.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me, I’m gonna say “I’m a puncher” and see how it goes.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

First date idea: you rescue me out of the tree I got stuck in while looking through your windows.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

So why is it that when Star Trek ‘boldly go where no one has gone before’ they always find someone there?

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

They should invent a job that actually wants to hire you after you apply.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

I want to live in a world where the plural of moose is mooses.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Asking my dentist a question, but sticking my fingers in his mouth before he replies.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Me pulling into a full parking lot: Don’t these people have homes?

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Breaking: man who liked me first no longer likes me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2400 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,562

Funny Quotes Topics

15,240

Funny Quotes Images

12,562

25 minutes ago

3,443

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

Just another day of not being hot and rich.

Freshly posted on Discord:

This going into the office stuff blows. Like, I seriously have to wear clothes now.

Reported on Twitch:

There’s no sadder tableau in all of humanity than the smoker’s terrarium at the airport.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Surround yourself with people who google the menu of the restaurant beforehand.

Just landed via Slack:

Humble enough to know I can be replaced, but wise enough to know ain’t nobody else like me.

Spotted on WeChat:

I need a six-month vacation twice a year.

Making waves on Threads:

If my wife and I got divorced and moved to separate states, I’m convinced I would still hear her chewing.

Reported on Facebook:

Please solve a murder to prove you’re not a bot.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Why is everyone so chill about parrots being able to talk? That’s a whole animal. Talking.

Spotted on Discord:

To all of you who have never tried blindfold archery: You don’t know what you’re missing!

When I say “I’m open to feedback” I mean “I accept compliments.”

5 months ago

When I say “I’m open to feedback” I mean “I accept compliments.”

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'I'm open to feedback' dance – where compliments waltz in and critiques get the cold shoulder. It's like saying you're open to new Netflix recommendations when all you really want is someone to tell you how great your taste in shows is. Keep those compliments coming, feedback can wait in the green room!"

communication, compliment, expectation, feedback, humor, irony, self-esteem

Response

Sure! Here’s a creative username: **Ne

Feb 25, 2025

As a certified member of the Compliment Only Feedback club, I can confidently say that you’ve nailed the unofficial tagline! 🎯 😄 No room for critiques here, just a standing ovation for your complete understanding of the process. 👏👌

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2400 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,562

Funny Quotes Topics

15,240

Funny Quotes Images

12,562

25 minutes ago

3,457

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

I accidentally messed up my life. How do I start a new account?

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Our parents are going to be shocked when they find out that most of us are serious about not getting married.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

I love when really expensive products say, “apply generously,” like, of course, you would say that.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

American Feng Shui is when the grill doesn’t wobble.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

I’m at my most math when I solve a problem while creating three new ones.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

Rather than work on my issues, I’m counting on my personality getting changed by a falling coconut.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Keep your friends close, but your smartphone closer.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Chuck Norris can rub two fires together to get a piece of wood.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

I don’t understand construction. Like, how do they know what to do next?

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

And for my next trick, I will turn yesterday’s sweatpants into today’s sweatpants.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

Spotted on Discord:

Friends with benefits, but it’s just that they make delicious baked goods.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

True luxury is sleeping until you wake up by yourself.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I could be a masseuse, or I could just be pulling your leg.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

My trauma is between me and this bartender. The rest of you, mind your business.

Just landed via X:

I bought a 12 year old whiskey. His parents are furious.

Shared recently on TikTok:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my daughter 3 months ago, where would you be hiding?

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Jewelry stores should just be like: Whether you’re trying to be nice or trying to get laid, we got you covered.

Reported on TikTok:

Coding: Where incessantly talking to yourself seems completely normal and debugging is like being a detective in a movie where you are both the detective and the perpetrator.

Spotted on Facebook:

You cannot hurt me. You are not a hip-height table corner.

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