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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

I always have a cheap bottle of wine in the house in case any family visit.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Only mosquitoes find me attractive. Nobody else.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Dear God, thank you for the job I have. But if you have a lottery win planned for me, I’m ready! Thank you.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Killing me softly with his schlong.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

I hate when kids scream in public. You don’t have real problems. It should be me screaming.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Don’t tell me about your wild weekend. My TV remote died and I switched the batteries around, and now it’s working.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

If the math problems are too difficult for me, I post them online and write: “Only 1 in 10 can solve this problem.”

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

All I know for sure is that I could be wrong.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

What’s wrong, babe? You’ve hardly touched my mixed signals.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

I don’t think the makers of protein powder have ever had chocolate.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,644

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

To bed then. To bed with you! Guards, take him to my bed!

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Being single for Valentine’s Day is way better than being in the wrong relationship.

Live now on Pinterest:

Have to write a note to my kid’s first grade teacher, and now I’m stressed out about my handwriting.

Just landed via Threads:

Friends with benefits, but it’s just that they make delicious baked goods.

Spotted on Reddit:

The only men you can trust is ramen.

Live now on YouTube:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, sleeping for work, getting ready for work, or thinking about work.

Just landed via X:

Phew, I thought the weather was broken because there was this weird yellow thing in the sky. But all’s well, it’s raining again.

Trending via TikTok:

Santa baby, slip some mental stability under the tree, for me.

Just shared via WeChat:

I forgot how to panic. Help!

Broadcasted on Slack:

How do I get my glasses prescription placed in my windshield?

Why the hell is it called the restroom? I am fighting for my life in here.

Humorous text about bathroom confusion with a playful, frantic vibe.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Why do they call it a restroom when there's no time for rest?! 💪🚽 It's more like a battle zone in here! 💥😂"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Went to bed with wet hair and woke up looking like I might know a lot about astrophysics.

17 shares on Pinterest this month:

It’s too late. I sat down on the couch after work. Go on without me.

97 shares on Pinterest this month:

My dentist said my teeth were stained and asked if I smoke or drink coffee? I said, “I drink it.”

91 shares on Facebook this month:

My dog sure does give a lot of side eye for someone without a job.

86 shares on Instagram this month:

Women are actually very understanding if you’re honest with them, especially if they like you. You don’t even have to do all that lying.

33 shares on WeChat this month:

Being drunk and liking every tweet without reading it.

48 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If life has taught me one thing, it’s that I need more money.

47 shares on Snapchat this month:

I kind of can’t wait for my generation to be bumping 90’s hip hop, rap, and heavy metal at the old folks’ homes.

48 shares on Discord this month:

Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

84 shares on X this month:

Just saw my evil doppelganger speed away in a DeLorean. I’m sure it’s fine.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re sleep-deprived and type the symptoms into Google, you’re as good as dead.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My therapist says I’m preoccupied with revenge. She’s going to regret that.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

HR has told me to stop saying ‘How stupid can you be?’ to members of staff. They’re worried it’s being taken as a challenge.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people are so judgmental, I can tell by just looking at them.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Just got some minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t “make friends”. I get adopted by extroverts and they make me do things.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

If you have a Roomba, but don’t dress it up in little outfits, then what are you even doing?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

This entire “presidency” is like being tied to a chair and watching a toddler play with a loaded pistol.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope the coffee hits harder than reality does.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,643

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

They were called “TV programs” because they were literally programming us, bro.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Remember that even the worst haircut will eventually grow on you.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

One of the benefits of being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas, no make-up, and look like crap and I won’t judge you.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Sometimes I wonder if the plot ever gets tired of being twisted.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

When you report something to IT and then hear: “Oh! Interesting. We’ve never seen that before.” Is that good or bad?

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Living your life to the fullest does not have to involve selfies with bison.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

DMs full of guys who wouldn’t know what to do with me.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Seeing a beautiful woman drink her beer is like witnessing an angel take flight.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

The web is the only place where you encourage strangers to follow you. What could possibly go wrong?

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

There is no actual wolf in Wolf of Wall Street.

Making waves on TikTok:

A general rule of parenting: if you’re having a great day, the day isn’t old enough yet.

Just landed via Telegram:

If your kids aren’t drinking enough water, tell them it’s bedtime.

Breaking via Reddit:

My toxic trait is thinking I can nap, then waking up 3 hours later in a parallel universe where I missed everything.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I can’t be the only person who thinks the presidential debate should be performed as a rap battle.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Sometimes I struggle to adjust to civilian life after coming home from the movies.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

The Airbnb reviews never tell you how comfortable the toilets are for falling asleep on.

Trending via YouTube:

Today’s toddlers can switch on laptops and use apps. When I was little, I ate sand.

Seen just now on Telegram:

The pain of watching a movie with someone who talks a lot.

Going viral on Messenger:

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s being annoyed by stupidity.

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