50+ Funny Humorous Jokes That Double Down on Laughs

New funny humorous jokes

• I just want to find someone that gets annoyed by the same things as I do.

• I would like to opt out of WW3, por favor.

• Sorry, I’m late. I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind.

• The streets are not for me. I belong in an enchanted forest, eating berries, and talking to my animal friends.

• Making a record-breaking number of bad choices today, I’m really proud of myself.

• Can I come over and circle you like a vulture?

• Do you think working at Pizza Hut would help you get a job at Sunglass Hut? You know, with all that hut experience?

• In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

• You can tell it’s laundry day because I’m wearing flippers and a Viking helmet.

• Increasing the amount of high fives I give my boss each day until he quits his job.

Top funny humorous jokes

• I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

• “It’s Raining Men” and “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” are the same song from different points of view.

• Yabba dabba doo used to be a rad way to start a Saturday.

• When I trip, I always look back to see who or what did it, because it couldn’t have possibly been my fault.

• If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

• I should have peed before I left, and other things I’ll never learn: A memoir

• Boobs always win. That’s why we don’t play rock, paper, boobs.

• Grocery stores should have baskets in the middle of the store for those “I really overestimated how much I can carry” moments.

• There should be a variant of fencing with two guys trying to kiss one another.

• If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

Popular funny humorous jokes

• We’ve got a shituation here.

• We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun not to be able to open that drawer.

• Whoever first said, “I’m in a pickle,” must have had the weirdest day.

• There should be guide dogs that prevent you from making bad decisions.

• Hey girl, are you an extraterrestrial? ’Cause your husband’s out here acting like you don’t exist.

• I’m a bit of a traditionalist, so on my birthday, I smear my body with embryonic fluid.

• Sometimes I say “huh,” then answer the question before you can repeat your question.

• Gonna spend today following my cats into the kitchen and meowing at them until they give me treats.

• I’ve got a soft heart and a savage mouth. I’m like a Hallmark card written by Gordon Ramsay.

• If I say, “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared peer-reviewed research, data, and charts, and I will destroy you.

More funny humorous jokes

• If you say something while exhaling smoke, it is 10 times more profound.

• I think God’s next test for me should be, “Can he handle a ridiculous amount of money.”

• The ugliest version of me is the version that comes out when I play board games. I don’t know who she is, but she is a monster. She is not fit for human interaction.

• Beware. There are people in the grocery store that you know who want to chat with you. Stay vigilant.

• I need a leaf blower, but for people.

• I’m a strong, independent woman, but like, against my will.

• Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

• To bed then. To bed with you! Guards, take him to my bed!

• Accidentally falling asleep is always the best sleep — and that’s so irritating.

• There should be a withering shamrock emoji so that people can express misfortune or Irish grief.

Witty humorous jokes

• Some people feel like unpaid actors in my sitcom called “What Fresh Chaos Is This?”

• Arguing through text will have you standing in one spot for 40 mins.

• I’m awake and working. Please respect my privacy during these trying and emotional times.

• What if instead of Big Mac it was Big Matt and he came out and said hello to you?

• Making eye contact with strangers on the sidewalk and saying “it’s crazy that they just let me walk around, haha”.

• Watching Jaws with my kid because I’m sick of going to the beach.

• Cashews are my favorite because they’re salty and hunched over just like me.

• When I say “the other day”, it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.

• Just heard my knee crack so loud I expected it to glow in the dark.

• A dating app called Unhinged where you agree to meet up and fight each other.