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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Insomnia is embarrassing. How can I be so bad at something that literally involves doing nothing?

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Current relationship status: sleeping diagonally across the bed.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

I have a complicated relationship with push/pull doors.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Spoiler alert: Eventually you will pay a price for the way you treated people.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

Debugging is like being the detective in a crime where you are also the murderer. Following the clues of an idiot.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Flirting when bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

809 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,971

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,971

6 minutes ago

3,449

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

Quitting my job to focus on decorating the tree.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Asking Santa Claus for nudes.

Reported on WhatsApp:

My teen would like you to know I ruined her life when I did her laundry today.

Trending via Discord:

I could never commit gun violence. The only things I know how to reload are my pill caddy and the batteries for the remote.

Making waves on Snapchat:

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Trending via Slack:

Laziness is the art to rest before one gets tired.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

After an hour on this team meeting I’m not wanting to be a team player anymore.

Just shared via TikTok:

Oh, how much I love a Sunday when you don’t have to work the next day.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Do other people remember toasters with wings flying across our computer screens or was that a fever dream I just had?

Freshly posted on Threads:

Grant me the serenity to supernaturally change the things I cannot accept.

Sometimes I think about Adam and Eve and how they couldn’t even get a babysitter.

6 months ago

Sometimes I think about Adam and Eve and how they couldn’t even get a babysitter.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, Adam and Eve really started off their parenthood journey on the wrong foot, didn't they? 😂🍎 It's like, you had one job – don't eat the forbidden fruit, but also, find a reliable babysitter! 🤷‍♂️ I bet they wish they had Yelp back in those days! #ParentingFail #BabysitterDrama

Adam, babysitter, biblical, eve, even, humor, i, irony, parenting, sometimes, think

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

809 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,971

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,971

6 minutes ago

3,439

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Handshakes should be banned. Touch our naked body parts together for all the world to see? Gross!

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Even before the internet, I always had a little side chat going on in my head.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Being single is so crazy. What do you mean there’s No One?

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

To the spirits in my walls: going to the store, be right back.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

I just need a day between everyday… to recover from the day before… just so I can prepare for the day coming.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Whenever my Mother-in-Law’s stories end with “And I turned out OK” I’m looking around like who’s gonna tell her.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Old people like to golf every day because they are so sick of everyone’s shit and just wanna repeatedly whack something.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

I lied, there’s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

If you need me, I’ll be in the shower pretending I can sing.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

I have feelings for you but you have to guess which ones.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

Hanging out with your parents as an adult is so interesting, cause it’s like, “Oh, so that’s why I’m like this.”

Breaking via Messenger:

I want to be a garbage man, so I only have to work one day a week.

Going viral on TikTok:

I’ve spent 80% of my adult life resetting my password.

Spotted on Instagram:

You guys know your secrets are safe with me. It’s the people I share them with you can’t trust.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I believe in annoyed at first sight.

Spreading quickly via X:

Spent most of the day making sure my couch still works. So far so good.

Just landed via Discord:

Taylor Swift is a psyop designed to get my wife to hum little tunes here and there.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

The train announcer just said we should keep our personal belongings with us at all times but I’ve left most of mine at home.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Watching a movie on the plane? No thanks. Watching my seatmate’s movie with no audio and not understanding what’s going on for over an hour? Yassss.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Halloween candy isn’t bad for you if you keep it in a salad bowl.

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