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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

I’m not saying I’ve aged like fine wine, but I am currently being stored in a dark place and avoiding sunlight at all costs.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Dr. Pepper just unseated Pepsi as the second most popular soda in America. Don’t tell me that getting your PhD isn’t worth it.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

I like that they put all that stuff outside for you to look at when you’re on a walk.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

I can’t believe the gall of this bladder.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Nobody stresses a woman out more than a man who isn’t her man yet.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Women aren’t complicated. Just give us attention and leave us alone.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Just got hired at Five Guys as the guy who punches the burger before they put it in the bag.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

I don’t think I’m allowed to be in public for over an hour.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

If I had 50¢ for every math test I’ve failed, I’d have $7.20.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

If there’s ever an alien invasion, I hope it doesn’t start while I’m asleep. I hate being woken up before my alarm.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

356 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,625

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,625

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,571

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

When you clean your room so well that the only trash left is you.

Spreading quickly via X:

I don’t want to party like it’s 1999, I want to go grocery shopping like it is.

Going viral on Facebook:

I am a full grown adult. Now listen to me discuss the various plot holes in Paw Patrol.

Trending via Instagram:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but throw away your disgusting dish sponge.

Just landed via Threads:

Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from reading your book.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Sorry I zoned out during your story… my brain was offering me multiple side quests and overthinking opportunities.

Trending via Pinterest:

I don’t understand why judges get paid so much, others judge me for free.

Making waves on Telegram:

I would definitely deny being from here if the aliens pulled up and asked. Not claiming this embarrassing planet in front of intergalactic travelers, are you dumb?

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Replying to all emails with “ya think?”.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I’m at my most math when I solve a problem while creating three new ones.

How did we decide to go with cockpit?

How did we decide to go with cockpit?
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, it was either "cockpit" or "bird's-eye seat" 🤷‍♂️ I guess the idea of being perched up high like a cool pilot won out over the alternative of feeling like a confused pigeon 🐦✈️ Sometimes, all it takes is a good old-fashioned game of "Eeny, meeny, miny, moe" to make these monumental decisions!

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on Telegram this month:

Fact: WhatsApp is the most boring app if you’re single.

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’ve just filed a restraining order against reality.

80 shares on Twitch this month:

If the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree, my kids are screwed.

84 shares on Telegram this month:

Please help my husband and I decide on dinner. We’ve narrowed it down to “It doesn’t matter” and “It’s your turn to choose”.

27 shares on Threads this month:

Revenge has no expiry date. I will deal with you when I’m ready.

72 shares on Telegram this month:

Don’t even bother contacting me on the Ouija Board after I die. I barely answer my texts now.

14 shares on Telegram this month:

My favorite Christmas Eve tradition is the one where I tell my kids we have to get the house spotless, or Santa won’t come.

50 shares on Pinterest this month:

When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

62 shares on Reddit this month:

Crazy part about being an overthinker is most times you right.

28 shares on Slack this month:

After nearly 40 years, I finally came to understand why some men slip away into a quiet, private life, far from the masses.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

You look like the result of a failed CIA experiment.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I told my suitcase we wouldn’t be going on vacation this year; now it’s dead inside and I’m left with emotional baggage.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Alligators can live up to 100 years which is why there is an increased chance that they will see you later.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

“Bye, have a great day, I’ll see you after school”, I tell the orange in my kid’s lunch.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

You can’t change your past but you can change your pasta.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Plot twist: weed is addicted to me.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Game night with the family is only fun until I lose.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

If you ever find yourself as a houseguest for an extended period of time, here is the golden rule for success: invisible by day, charming by night.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I put the ‘no’ in ‘I will let u know’.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

A lobotomy and a forehead kiss would fix everything.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

356 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,625

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,625

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,407

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Lord, please take this gas out of my stomach and put it in my car.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Guys, please stop wearing NASA shirts, I bet you can’t even name one of their songs.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Always remember you’re someone’s reason to smile. Because you’re a joke.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Elevators frighten me. I take steps to avoid them.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

My mental health walks make my mental health worse because I live in a shithole.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

I would definitely deny being from here if the aliens pulled up and asked. Not claiming this embarrassing planet in front of intergalactic travelers, are you dumb?

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

I like how people say “travel safely” like I’m the one flying the plane.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

You guys ever play a game for hours straight? You start hallucinating the sounds.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

The dumbest thing about YouTube ads is how they seem to think that I’m a moron.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Discord:

Whitening my teeth by getting a tan.

Trending via Telegram:

Signing all emails with BOOM SHAKALAKA today.

Breaking via Reddit:

Remember it’s Christmas. You need to check your elf before you wreck your shelf.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I assume people who bookmark my posts are building a case against me.

Making waves on Messenger:

I’d like to shrink you down and add you to my keychain.

Going viral on Telegram:

I’m actually really peace-loving, but then there are other people.

Just landed via Messenger:

My plan is to die young as late as possible.

Going bananas on Slack:

Don’t forget to tell yourself more lies today.

Seen just now on Discord:

Teens don’t know how good they have it with lyrics sites. We used to have to sing shit wrong for years until the truth destroyed us.

Trending via Snapchat:

Someone needs to press pause on this weekend.

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